Thursday, November 24, 2011

{count your blessings}

I have much to be thankful for this November 24th.  Really everyday, but today we are more mindful of our blessings.  This year I am especially mindful of these blessings.  I am thankful for my health.  December 4th will be one year that I discovered lumps in my left breast and on December 22 I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I am sitting at my dining room table right now with my dad and Tony talking about this.  My dad said he was just thinking about this and when I looked at Tony while talking about this my eyes started to tear up and as I write this I am on the verge of tears.  This has been a year of testing my strength and seeing what I am made of.  I never thought the end of this year would come.  There were days I couldn't even think about the end of 2011 because it felt too far away to even think about.  Days stood still while waiting for tests, waiting for surgery to be scheduled, waiting to heal, waiting for recovery to feel complete, waiting to get back to my before.  But this day has come and I am thankful beyond words for this day.  What I wanted most this year was a healthy body and for my recovery to be complete.  I spent three and a half weeks sitting in a chair in our room, having to take it very easy after two major surgeries.  I spent weeks in the gym doing bare minimum WODs, I spent more weeks slowly building up my strength, slowly waiting for my recovery to feel complete.  This day came in October.  My goal after my first surgery on February 2nd was to do the CrossFit benchmark workout "Grace" at the women's prescribed weight of 95# during the month of October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month. On October 15th I reached this goal and put an end to my "recovery".
The ultimate piece of my goal was holding this weight overhead 30 times.  This picture signifies a cancer battle won.  It signifies reaching my goals complete with triumphs and tears.  It represents the very end of my recovery.  I have no limitations, my strength is very close to where it was before and nothing is keeping me from doing what I want in the gym.  This picture shows a survivor.  One I am very proud of for getting to where she is today and how she fought her battle.

Almost eleven months ago to the day I was standing in CrossFit Flathead after getting a phone call from my doctor with horrible news.  My coach was one of the first people I told.  After a huge hug he got on task.  Plans to keep me strong, get me stronger before surgery, keep coming, keep moving.  I am so thankful for his caring heart and knowledge.  Knowing just what my body could do before and after surgery.  Knowing the days to just let me be alone with my workout.  Giving a much needed hug in the middle of a workout when I would breakdown crying.  Letting me quit in the middle of "Fran" which then gave me the strength to keep going.  Everyday I am thankful for my gym family and Coach B for giving me the strength and support to get through days that I couldn't do it myself.  I am thankful for what these people have brought into my life and what our community as a whole brings to this world.

I am thankful for all of my friends and every single thing that each of them brings to my life.  For new friends I have met through CrossFit, online and otherwise.  For friends far away that I talk to every single day.  For friends far away that I don't get to talk to often, but when we do it is like we take everyday.  For coffee dates with friends and a girl's night out with cocktails.  For friends that find the strength to overcome and move forward.  For the health and happiness of my friends.

I am thankful for my kids that make me pull my hair out everyday, but make me laugh and smile even more everyday.  I am thankful for the people that they are.  Sometimes selfish and frustrating, but more often being kind, polite and caring little people that give us a glimpse of the adults they will be.  For finding the joy in silly things like mustaches, awesome cars and Justin Bieber.  For first experiences like broken hearts, boyfriends and makeup. For loving to be active and making healthy choices  for their bodies.  For wanting to help others even if those "others" don't include each other.  I am thankful for being their mom.

But this year I am most thankful for my husband.  The person that completes my life.  I am thankful for his strong shoulders that carried the weight of the family responsibilities and the cancer so I wouldn't have to carry all of it myself.  For his arms wrapped around me while I cried in bed or broke down crying during the day.  For his presence through every test and step needed in my journey to being cancer free.  For the quiet moment sitting on the side of our bed that I will never forget before leaving for the hospital before my first surgery.  For his encouraging words on days that I didn't want to go to the gym.  For caring for me after surgery, changing bandages, emptying drains, washing my hair, shaving my underarms when I couldn't lift my arms, getting my meds, making meals, etc.  For loving my body like it never changed.  For missing the same things that I lost with my "old body".  For being the man in my life that loves me unconditionally with an overflowing heart, patience and forgiveness.  For his goofy silly antics that make me laugh and call him a "goofball".  For his laugh when he finds himself so funny. For his dedication to his job.  For being the kind of man that I want my son to be.  I love you, babe.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!  Be sure to tell those that you love you are thankful for them.  You never want to miss the opportunity to do so.