{i’m a full time job}

(Disclaimer...I was too lazy to do a final proofread on this post.  I'll tend to that later.)

I know, I know.  You never write, you never call. Life gets in the way of getting everything done that we want to and for me one of those things is keeping up on my blog.  But, I’m here now so grab a cup of coffee and sit with me for awhile. I’ve been busy...busy with kids, busy at home, busy at the gym, busy with classes, busy recovering, busy trying to keep my body healthy and strong to survive the treatments wreaking havoc on my body.  That last one, keeping my body healthy and strong I am finding is a full-time job.  It takes about a week following a treatment to feel like myself again, to feel “normal”. By that I mean no harsh side effects...nausea, lack of appetite, constipation (A fantastic side effect of the chemo drugs. I hesitated to add that, but I don’t think anybody will be surprised that I do indeed have bowel movements), dehydration, fatigue, and as the treatments go on sadness and a general feeling of a big F-you to the universe. So that first week following a treatment I’m not a joy to be around.  I kind of try to keep to myself and remind myself that as my physical state starts to improve, my emotional and mental state follows closely behind.  But, even though I feel really good about a week out from a treatment I know my body is still reeling from have chemo drugs, anti-nausea, antacids, and white-blood cell boosting drugs pumped into my body.  All of that damages and causes stress to the body that doesn’t just go away because I’m feeling better.  It takes awhile for the body to heal itself and it can take weeks or months for that to happen, and I am working to do all I can to help my body out.  

Taking care of me is a full-time job.  In order for my body to heal I have to put the right stuff into it.  I believe in the healing power of food, appropriate supplements, and not just using drugs or medication.  There is a difference between being healthy and not being sick. I want to be healthy.  I want to start at my cells and make them stronger. I want my body to have the best care as nature intended to repair itself and protect itself, repair and protect itself from the damaging effects of the treatments I am having to give me the best chances of a longer life than I might not have otherwise.  I’m not happy about any of my treatments, thankful for the availability of my treatment plan, but not happy about them.  The immediate side effects, continuing side effects I may be living with for the next five years, and the lasting-effects, the effects that I may face down the road because of the damaging effects of these life-saving/prolonging treatments. I have to remind myself to not worry about those and focus on today, one day at a time because, duh, you only get one day at a time and your emotional and mental state can’t really handle the burden of 3,650-5,475 days at a time.  People have been telling me to not worry about all of that yet, just take it as it comes.  I appreciate these words, I really do. But, a person can’t understand how hard that can be unless you are in the middle of it.  But, I keep trying and life will continue on as it usually does, somedays I fail and sometimes I succeed, and somewhere on the other side I’m sure a majority of the things I am concerned about and worry about will never come to be.  Years ago my grandma shared something she read, “98% of the things we worry about never come to be.” Since she shared that I have generally not been a worrier, until now. Now I worry about everything that has to do with my health and my body. I guess maybe cancer will do that to a person.

So the purpose of this post is actually to just give a list of what I am doing for my body.  Much of this is based on recommendations from the naturopath at my oncologist’s office and my personal naturopath, and my own research and choosing. The supplements I have chose to do on my own have been okayed by both naturopaths. Some of these supplements are for general health, others are to help manage side effects from chemo, some I was taking before, some I should have been taking, but always forgot.  Now I don’t, I’m a freaking supplement and vitamin whore. 

Supplements and Vitamins

My morning "sludge":

In a pint mason jar I combine the following:

• About 1/2 c. OJ

• 1 T. PuraDyme Liyf Essentials - Whole food amino acid complex. Provides all essential and non-essential amino acids and high in all Tocotrienols and Tocopherols, proven to suppress cancer and tumors

• 15 g (3 3/4 t.) Jarrow Formulas L-Glutamine - 15g 2x/day.  Helps reduce the risk of chemo and radiation induced neuropathy and to help with mouth sores due to the chemo drug Taxotere. Since I have added this to my daily supplement regimen I have had little issue with neuropathy or mouth sores.

• 3/4 t. PuraDyme LiyfBiotic Probiotic - 36 billion CFU - The chemo drugs are harsh on the stomach and intestinal track due to it's job to kill fast growing cells.  A quality probiotic can help alleviate the stress put on the digestive system. This probiotic is expensive at $140 for the 8 oz. container, but it actually lasts a long time and is worth it to me. I also use this in making my own coconut yogurt.  I will try to post that recipe at the end of this blog post or in another post with some basic smoothie and juicing recipes that I use.

• 1 t. PuraDyme PuraCleanse - Cleansing, strengthening, and renewing for the intestinal tract.  I was taking this before I started treatment.  Mostly to aide in elimination and detoxifying my body.  Many diseases originate in the colon, healthy "moving" is necessary for flushing toxins from the body. I was taking 2t/day, but the licorice root in this cleanse can interfere with the effectiveness of one of the chemo drugs.  A little is okay so I was given the okay to continue using just 1 t./day.  This is very important the week after a treatment when constipation is usually an issue. 

• 1 1/4 t. Nordic Naturals Omega-3 Purified Fish Oil - This is one of those supplements that I knew I should always take, but failed to make it a habit.  I have been taking it nearly every single day since before I started chemo and I can definitely tell a difference in my joints.  My knee and pain across the back of my pelvis is very minimal now.  I thank the anti-inflammatory benefits of fish oil.  I have found that I have to shake up the first four supplements with the OJ first before mixing in the fish oil or the glutamine and probiotic powder clumps up.  This is a brand highly recommended my my oncology naturopath, it's a high quality brand. 

Additional Supplements and Vitamins

• 2000mg/3x/day Host Defense Turkey Tail - Organic Mushroom supplement for immune support.  A promising study has shown that Turkey Tail Mushrooms improves the immune system of breast cancer patients.  I am a firm believer in mushroom supplements, especially those by this company.  My personal naturopath said she is positive the cure for cancer will be found in mushrooms.  Could be, but all I know is my white blood cell count has remained at normal levels while taking this supplement during chemo when they should be taking a beating. I have also avoided catching any nasty cold and flu bugs while those around me have...and I didn't get a flu shot. Other promising mushroom supplements to protect against cancer are Maitake and Reishe. I plan to switch to Reishe before I start radiation.  Reishe has been shown to counter the harmful effects that radiation has on normal, healthy cells. Common button mushrooms and shitake are also cancer-fighting mushrooms.  I try to sauté and eat 4-5 button mushrooms most days for their cancer-fighting properties. A little olive oil, some garlic and shallots and I have a quick cancer fighting boost in my day.  This Turkey Tail supplement was recommended by the oncology clinic's naturopath.  She said any of them would be good, Turkey Tail just has the most research behind it. My regular naturopath talked to me about this brand of supplements in the past, too.  At her recommendation, after treatment I will be switching to a mushroom blend supplement and about half the dose.
• 5000IU Vital Nutients Vitamin D3. 
• 12.5mg Iodoral High Potency Iodine/Potassium Iodide
• 1000mg Vitamin C - pills or Emergen-C packet
• Bluebonnet Whole Food Based Multivitamin and Multimineral
• 20mg Melatonin

Dietary Changes

In addition to all my supplements I have made diet changes, as well.  I've always tried to eat and do well for my body, but there are some things that I can do or strive to do better to reduce my risk of recurrence even more.  Lord knows, I don't want to do this crap again. Of course, nobody is perfect and I will slip sometimes, but the 80-85% rule that I used to follow (eat on track 80-85% of the time) is now hopefully 90-95% of the time.  The main goals of my dietary changes are to flood my body with cancer fighting foods and to not increase estrogen in my body.

• Alcohol-I'm shooting for no more than 1-2 drinks/week, none if I have no reason to, those reasons for me to have a drink are date nights with my hubby or gathering with friends.  I miss my Chardonnay. :-( But, the breast cancer I had was estrogen+.  This means that estrogen fueled the cancer cells.  Alcohol increases the levels of estrogen in the body, therefore providing more fuel for the cancer cells that could be in my body.  This is a message I got last night from my naturopath, who has been my fountain of information, "What I found on the booze situation...all studies that show an increase in breast cancer were in obese patients. Obese patients store estrogen in their fat and have probs with liver metabolization. I found one great article that stated 'if patient is healthy otherwise, that moderate alcohol does NOT increase risk of recurrence', they stated that 3-4 drinks per week (seperated by time and days) were generally regarded as safe. My take...if you have a drink every other or every 3rd day you will be safe."
• Limited/no dairy (especially high fat) and commercially grown meat.  Hormones given to animals can result in increased levels of estrogen in the body. If I have dairy I make sure it is from cows not treated with hormones or antibiotics.  I use almond milk and coconut milk in recipes, sauces and smoothies or protein shakes.  I have tried almond cheese, it was okay, I would probably buy it again, but not often.  If I want a treat of some real cheese I try to buy organic.
• Low-fat diet, primarily low in animal fats (dairy and animal fats) - high fat diets, especially animal fats, increase the levels of estrogen in the blood. Good fats are great in the diet: olive oil, avocados, cold-water wild caught fish, etc.
• No sugar- You've heard my rant before, SUGAR FEEDS CANCER! This is what I wanted to scream when the nurse walked around the room yesterday with a bag of cookies for everybody.  I politely declined. 
• No red meat for three months. It can raise estrogen in the body so I am just giving my body a cleansing break. I do have to do more research into grass-fed beef to see if there is any risk...because we have 3/4 of a grass-fed cow in or freezers.  The processor that we get our grass-fed beef from doesn't use antibiotics, so this is a huge plus in my/our diet...I have slipped on this from time to time simply out of convenience.  
• No processed or cured meats-Nitrates, nitrites, chemicals...you get it.
• No grilled meats. Cooking meat at high temperatures can create substances that can increase risk of cancer.  Even baking chicken at 350 can cause these cancer causing substances.  Here is an interesting article on cooking meats. 
• Lots of cruciferous veggies-Broccoli, cabbage, brussels sprouts, cauliflower, just to name a few.   So many cancer fighting properties in this family of veggies. 
• Paleo-ish Diet/Plant-based-ish diet - Here is where I am torn.  I'm not sure if I have been eating mostly Paleo (no grains, dairy, legumes) for so long that I just feel it is right, but I am having a hard time switching to a plant-based diet that I see highly recommended in almost all my reading.  I have extensively googled "breast cancer diet reduce recurrence" or something like that and all I get are search results for plant-based diet and the Mediterranean Diet.  To get results that include info on the Paleo diet for cancer risk reduction I have to include Paleo in my search. I am greatly torn because after trying just a plant based diet I find that a) I don't have a clue how to cook plant-based meals and soy is used heavily, b) there is no way I can get enough protein on a plant-based diet to support how I workout, and c) my body feels so much better eating primarily Paleo.  So which do I choose? I have no idea so I'm doing some of both.  I have been making brown rice with some dinners and eating some oatmeal and quinoa for breakfast (I have really missed oatmeal). I am going for quality of meat, local grass-fed beef, organic or very natural chicken, and no cured meats and buying as many organic veggies as the pocket book will allow.  Really as much organic food as the pocket book will allow. I try to buy produce organically off this list.  This gives a list of the Dirty Dozen+ veggies with the highest pesticide residue and the Clean Fifteen, the 15 with the lowest residue.  They do also state that eating a diet high in fruits and vegetables is more beneficial than the exposure to pesticides. The sad part about eating like this is it is expensive.  It would be FAR cheaper to just rely on the recommended prescription drugs to prevent cancer than to put good food into my body to help prevent cancer also.  
• At least one quart of organic, decaf greet tea daily.  I try to get up every morning and remember to brew a mason jar of green tea and drink it through out the day. 
• Juicing-I'm trying to juice at least three days per week to get a powerful veggie punch in a 16 oz glass of juice.  I can get at least 12 servings of fruits and vegetables in a 16 ounce glass.  I also eat other fruits and veggies whole for the fiber.  I generally juice kale, collard greens, parsley, cilantro, celery, mint, green cabbage, cucumbers, lemon, apples, and ginger in my daily drink.  Every now and then I will throw in a carrot or two. I have tried arugula but didn't like the bitter taste and you get very little juice from a large quantity of arugula.  I have also tried dandelion greens (I had no idea you could buy these at Super 1), but didn't care for the bitter taste.  I am taking a warning to heart from my brother, never juice radishes.  You can't add enough other juiced veggies to cut the harsh radish taste. I feel so healthy every time I juice up a big glass of fresh fruits and veggies.  I swear I can feel the juice combatting cancer cells in my body as I drink it. :) 

Working Out

If you know me or have read my blog (or even the title of my blog) you know I'm an avid worker outer. I've been doing my best to keep up my gym regimen while going through chemo.  My goal was to not gain a lot of weight or lose much muscle. I'm doing pretty well in both of those.  Tony thinks I have possibly put on a tiny bit of muscle in my upper body and my weight is only up 1-3 pounds depending where I am in the chemo treatment/recovery cycle. I continue to CrossFit, trying to get in four days per week, sometimes I lower my weights, sometimes I try to do the Rx weight and just battle through.  Our CrossFit workouts have been getting harder, not the weightlifting as much, but our metcons (metabolic conditioning) have kicked my butt the past couple rounds.  My entire body fatigues almost right away and this last round has added nausea, dizziness and great shortness of breath to my workouts.  I have slowed WAY down, but I still go and move for the whole class.  Somedays I do okay, somedays the workout of the day (WOD) totally wins.  Last week, three days after my fourth treatment I went to the gym and worked out.  It. Was. Hard.  I finished, sat down agains the back wall, put my head in my hands and cried. I tried to be tough that day, but the WOD beat me. But, I did walk in the door that day and that is a win.  Since I started treatment I have probably only missed 4 or 5 workouts that I would have normally gone to and I have only missed one day of coaching my classes.  My gym time and seeing my friends at the gym is a huge part of making it through chemo fairly unscathed. I'm even considering registering for the CrossFit Open's scaled division this year.  We'll see, I have a couple weeks to decide.  

I'm going to try to run a half-marathon in the fall and have put together a Kick Cancer's Ass Race Series starting with the Race for the Cure 5K in Helena the weekend after my birthday.  I was hoping to be done with radiation by then, but won't quite make it.  It doesn't mean I can't still give cancer the middle finger with my first race of the year.  A half is going to be a lofty goal that will be determined by the health of my knee, tendonitis might cap me at a 10K, but I'm going to give it a try and see what happens.

I am aching to jump on my mountain bike and start riding.  I'm about ready to toss my bike in my car and drive to Arizona or some place that will allow me to ride, it would do wonders for my soul right now.

Well, I have been slowly putting this post together for many weeks so I am going to wrap it up and get this lengthy baby posted.  

BUT WAIT!

Let me also take a minute here to thank EVERYBODY who has sent private messages (sorry, I'm way behind on replying to them!), posts on Facebook, texts, emails or called to see how I am doing. EVERYBODY who has run into me and given me a hug, a word of encouragement or simply says, "I have no words except cancer sucks". EVERYBODY who has delivered our family a delicious meal when I haven't felt well or am bogged down with fatigue.  EVERYBODY who has sent me cards or care packages with amazing gifts for good healing, a good laugh, or a warm head (and a special thank you to my aunt who sent me great socks for every chemo day that give chemo the middle finger. Please be sure to watch Facebook for my socks on March 6th.  You won't want to miss them!)  EVERYBODY who has said prayers or sent good thoughts out into the universe or me and my family. I/we APPRECIATE every single one of you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your love and support.  I can't imagine going through this crap alone and without the support that I have. I'm sending huge hugs and buckets of love to all of you!! Muah!!

Another special thanks to my amazing dad who has taken the week off from work following each of my treatments to help with the kids and cook us meals, while carrying a heavy heart watching is little girl go through cancer crap again.  A thank you to my kids who celebrate with me having four weeks left until my last treatment, who rub my head to feel the little bit of hair that has continued to grow, to check on me when I'm not feeling well after treatment, who give me a hug or some love out of the blue, and for having friends and teachers/coaches that continually offer me support and have generously given me sweet gifts of encouragement.  And to my dear husband who stands by my side, holds me when I need it most, loves me unconditionally, takes care of me, makes sacrifices for me, and understands the things I struggle with the most. Without these people in my life, I couldn't do this. I love you!! xoxoxo

"She Stood In The Storm, & When The Wind Did Not Blow Her Way, She Adjusted Her Sails"

{a different mirror}

My husband always tells me I don’t look in the same mirror that he does. When I am having a bad body day and feel “fat”, when really I know that I’m not, but for some reason I cut myself down and say that I am. My hubby tells me I look in a different mirror than everybody else. These days are usually at the end of a string of days that start with me falling off my “clean eating” wagon. A day or two doesn’t hurt the appearance of my body, how I like my body to look, but a day or two more than that and all the sugar and toxic crap from sub-par foods starts to show up in a bloated hot mess in my mid section. My mid section is my gauge, that is were the crap settles in my body. It is different for everybody, this is where my “problem” area is or what I see to be my “problem” area when I’m not totally eating how I should be. This is when I have to step back and put things into perspective and look back at how far my body has come and ultimately what I want for my body and how I want to live my life.

I don’t want to be skinny. Before I got married I was skinny. Yay, right?! I thought so until I come across pictures when I was in the height of my exercise obsessed and bad dieting days, which I thought was good dieting. I looked skeletal. I weighed about 112#, 25# less than I weigh right now and I still didn‘t think I was skinny. I am 5’4”, I’m Mexican and Danish. I have half Latina genes and half 6’2” farm boy genes. 112# is not right for my body type. It is skeletal and not healthy. I would workout seven days/week and not eat any fat, because fat makes you fat, right? Wrong! I remember days that I would go out and run at 11:00 p.m. because I hadn’t had time earlier in the day and I was freaking out because I didn’t get a workout in.

Before I came to CrossFit I still wanted to be skinny. I wanted to be skinny because that is what society has made women to believe is beautiful. 

I look back at pictures before I joined CrossFit and I still looked skinny, but I never thought so. I weighed about 123#, about 15# less than I weigh now. I was a runner. I ran a few ½ marathons and running was my sport. I ran in the streets, I ran trails (which I miss) and ran in the winter, I ran in the dark with a headlamp and a reflective vest. I ran and these were my legs.

They were skinny. Yay, right!!! WRONG! I probably couldn’t pick a huge bag of flour off the ground with those legs! I could run 13 miles, but who cares. When in my life am I going to need to run 13 miles? I want to be strong to do everyday things. I want to pick up a 50# bag of dirt when I am planting flowers. I want to be able to move a piece of furniture by myself if I have to. I want to be able to do anything in my everyday life that requires strength. So these are my legs now.



They are not skinny. They fit into very few pair of jeans at the mall. My butt is probably twice as big as my running butt, I have a booty. My thighs look substantial in a pair of shorts in the summer. I have given away half my wardrobe because my shirts no longer fit because my back has gotten broad and I have big shoulders and arms. I have to wear large tshirts because mediums no longer fit. I will never be skinny and I love that. I weigh 12 pounds more than I did before I started CrossFit, but I am down one jean size. My body composition has changed so much. I went from skinny-fat to strong and lean. This is what I want for my body. This is how I want to spend the rest of my life.

This wasn’t an overnight acceptance of my body. For a long while after I started CrossFit I still wanted to be skinny. It took well over a year. After having surgery over a year ago I lost muscle mass as I was recovering and rebuilding my strength. There was an in between stage where I really liked what my body looked like, but I didn’t have all my strength back. I had to decide what I wanted more. A “smaller” body size with less muscle mass or did I want to be strong again which meant more muscle mass and a bit more size. Not bulky, but more size. I opted for the latter and I have never regretted it. I’ve learned to embrace my strength and know I will never be super model skinny and I’m okay with that because I think a strong, fit body is sexier and more attractive than skin and bones. I know. I have been there. So today I weigh an average of #137. This is the same weight I was after my first year of college when I had gained my “Freshman 15”. The two bodies don’t even compare. I have gained and lost and gained and lost and gained in my adult life. I am ending at gaining and my body is all the better for it.

On a side note, looking back I know now my desire and obsession with being skinny lead to years of struggling with infertility, as well. My lack of body fat resulted in a lack of ovulation. Each time I got pregnant it was after, for whatever reason, I had gained weight and I weighed about 130#. After starting to pay attention to my body I started to realize that my body won’t ovulate if I weight under 130#. So in my effort to be skinny I was killing my efforts to get pregnant. I took fertility drugs of all sorts to try to get pregnant and they never worked. All I needed was a healthy lifestyle. My body has never ovulated regularly until I started Crossfit. Not until I was 37 years old when I started making my body strong and balance and eating a clean, healthy diet did my body start to do what it is naturally supposed to do. Everything we do to our body and everything we put into our body makes a difference, it matters.

I have also finally embraced the body that I was born with. Thanks to genetics I don’t have a waist and that has always bothered me. I say I have an “H” shaped body, no defined waist. What’s the sense in whining about that? What can I do about it? Nada! That’s the waist I got from my dad. So, it is best not to wear belted dresses and tops and an empire waist looks better on me. I can live with that, fashion problem solved! So, I have no waist, but thanks to reconstructive surgery I have bigger boobs and it makes my waist appear smaller. Hallelujah for optical illusions. Slowly my body issues are being solved by the miracle of modern medicine J (seriously, this is not the way to solve body issue problems!). It has been a long slow process, but I have finally wrapped my head around how I want my body to be. I want my body to be strong, not skinny. I know that if I decide to add heavy lifting to my CrossFit programming I will start to get “thick” in my midsection. My back will start to broaden out and I may start to look like a linebacker in my clothes. I don’t always like this. This is when I have to stop and reconsider my goals. Is the change in my body worth the tradeoff to get a 300# squat or to make it to Regionals next year? After much thought the answer is yes! These are goals that I want to achieve and I will take what comes with it. It took me awhile to get used to my strong body and they way it has changed and the way it continues to change, but I‘m there.

Thankfully, I found a support group of women that I go to about five days a week that have helped me to be proud and content with my strong body. It’s our CrossFit gym. All these ladies understand that skinny isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. They all understand that jean shopping is not an enjoyable experience. We celebrate our CrossFit butts and have fun doing a “butt test” to see if we have the coveted CrossFit butt yet! (Yeah, I know silly, but we all laughed and had a good time with it!)

It’s a wonderful thing being surrounded by like-minded women and having every body shape and size celebrated for what it is and not what society has led people to believe it is. I love that my body is strong and healthy and that is a good place to be!

{amazing things happen}

After I was diagnosed with breast cancer I ran into a friend. She told me a little story about a gal she knows that is a survivor. Well after she had gone through treatment she received a call from a breast cancer organization asking for donations. She told them she had given breast cancer enough and wasn't going to give it anymore. Part of me was saddened by this, that cancer can have such a strong effect on somebody even after you are healthy and healed again. Part of me could also understand her way of thinking and I wondered if I would feel the same after all was said and done. When the Relay for Life came around I kept thinking that I should make the effort to join a team or start a team at our gym. I didn't have it in me. A small part of me felt that way. I don't have anymore to give to cancer. Then October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, rolled around and a dear friend of mine found herself going through what I did. All of a sudden I felt this desperate feeling that I couldn't NOT do something to raise awareness, for my friend, for other women I know, for women who will be diagnosed, for me. I honestly didn't think I would feel this way when October rolled around. All along I had thought about doing some kind of workout or fundraiser, but I didn't know if I would actually get around to making it happen. Well, happen it did.

With one week to plan (our original date was opening day of hunting season and you don't mess with hunting season in our neck of the woods) I jumped in feet first into planning chaos. Okay, not really chaos, but busy, craziness. By nature I am NOT a fundraising kind of girl. I don't like asking friends (usually only friends) for money or to buy things from my kids. Anytime that our kids have been involved in activities that involve fundraising we skip the fundraiser and just make a personal donation. Fundraising brings images of kids selling magazines, wrapping paper and other overpriced trinkets. Girl Scouts tempting us with their annual cookie sales (One of the last times I bought Girl Scout cookies they sat in my pantry untouched for about a year. How does that even happen one might ask? Honestly, I have no idea.) Then somewhere along the way the Boy Scouts jumped on board and started selling popcorn. Thank goodness for my arse they quit selling chocolate covered caramel corn. It's my kryptonite! So this is what comes to mind when I think of fundraising. I don't like fundraising because it seems so little of the amount sold actually goes to the organization. I just researched this a bit regarding Girl Scout Cookies. The troop that does all the work selling mass quantities of cookies keeps about 14% of the sales, about $.49/box. I know there are other costs to be covered, but those girls and troop leaders work their tail off to sell those cookies.

So like I said, I'm not a fundraising kind of girl, except, for this time. This time it is personal. This time it is something I believe in. This time it is something that brings tears to my eyes when I sit and think about it. This time it is something that is SO important to the lives of so many women. This time not planning something wasn't an option. So with one week to plan I went way out of my comfort zone to pull together something that is so important to me. Something that makes my chest ache because I feel like I can't do enough.

During the month of October, CrossFit gyms across the country host "Barbells for Boobs" events to raise money for a wonderful organization in Southern California. This organization provides grants to other breast cancer organization and provides free mammograms to underinsured and uninsured women across the country. I looked into hosting a "Barbells for Boobs" event, but I wondered how many of those dollars we would see here in our little corner of Northwest Montana and would people really be excited about donating money to an organization in Southern California. I wanted all of the money we raised to remain local. I wanted to help women in our valley. So I did a little research and discovered we have a local organization that provides free mammograms, education and post-surgery prosthetics to women that can't afford these services. The Save a Sister Foundation. So I stopped in to talk to them, got their okay to use their name on our flyers and I went out to spread the word and raise some money for a great cause. I spent all day Sunday typing up flyers, sign in sheets, information sheets, making lists, brainstorming ideas, etc. Monday I posted and delivered flyers at numerous places in the valley. We invited fire departments and police departments. I went to the rival high schools in town and invited their staff, suggesting they wear their colors and some pink and was sure to let them know I was inviting their rival school, as well. I invited my doctor's offices that I have visited numerous times during my recovery and I visited friend's businesses asking if they might consider a donation. Asking for donations was easy. Making this happen was easy. People appreciated that all the proceeds we brought in were going to stay local.

This morning was our fundraiser. "Amazing Grace" Raising the Bar for Breast Cancer Awareness. We arrived at the gym around 7:30 with great excitement. The kids were all ready to participate. They all wore pink. Kenna from head to toe complete with a pony tail sprayed pink. Ty wore a shirt that said, "I wear PINK for my MOM" and had a pink fauxhawk. Abigail work pink zebra striped socks, pink leg warmers and a bracelet that said, "My mom is a survivor." There was pink ribbon tied on the door. We had set up the night before. We had a training and warmup area to get our guest CrossFitters ready for the workout and we had half the gym taped off for the workout area. We had CrossFit ladies working the check in table and CrossFit friends working the tshirt table. We had water bottles with pink breast cancer labels printed with "CrossFit Flathead "Amazing Grace". We had the whiteboard all ready to write the names of people in each heat. We had five coaches ready to coach. We had our CrossFit community ready to jump in where needed to count reps for participants, strip weights, reload bars, help where they were needed, no questions asked. We were ready to get this show on the road.

We had more guest CrossFitters than we did CrossFitters join us! My friend brought her daughter and ten of her and my daughter's friends from school. We had CrossFit Flathead kids ready to workout. We ran two kid's only heats. We had four wonderful ladies from the Bass Breast Center and Save a Sister to support our efforts. My breast surgeon was one of them. In my welcoming "speech" I acknowledged these ladies and started to tear up and couldn't speak for a minute when I said that I should call my surgeon daily and thank her for making me cancer free. I didn't expect that, but I should have known that I would tear up sometime. We ran seven heats with an eight minute time cap. We ran 57 people through workouts in about an hour! Everything ran smoothly and everybody had fun. More than the money and support I wanted everybody to have fun and enjoy what we have in our gym, a great community of people.

My morning was amazing! I'm proud of what I did. I had a goal set for our gym to raise enough money to pay for five mammograms. 12 percent of women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their life time. I guessimated how many women were in our gym and figured 12% of that number. Statistically five women in our gym could get breast cancer. That is at least how many mammograms I wanted our gym to pay for. We exceeded my expectations big time! Our community of people and our friends were so generous. If you are reading this, thank you, thank you, thank you!

My friend posted this on my Facebook wall today and it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for this, R.

"I will remember the pink ribbon on the door into Crossfit, I will remember opening the door and seeing a sea of everything pink, I will remember fighting back tears as you thanked your doctor and her nurses, I will remember not trying to fight tears as you fought GRACE and won huge, I will remember your beautiful family and your daughter's bracelet stating, "My mom is a survivor", I will remember Tony's sweet embrace and not letting you go after the gym was cleared and cleaned . . ."

Here is what I will remember...

I will remember my husband's support. I will remember my kid's enthusiasm and my son's eagerness to wear pink when that is so not his thing. I will remember my coach's hug and his text saying, "Very proud of you." I will remember PRs on the board. I will remember a friend saying, "Sorry I couldn't do 90 seconds." I will remember great workout gear: lots of pink (including the men), long socks (again, the men, too), a pink tutu-like skirt. I will remember standing still for a moment and taking in our packed gym and feeling the electricity. I will remember being the last person to finish my heat and hearing the gym cheer for me. I will remember doing "Grace" Rx in October, this was my #1 goal in the gym after my surgery. I will remember my surgeon coming up to me and giving me a hug right after my workout. I will remember my daughter counting my reps, my husband cheering me on and my youngest daughter coming and hugging me before my workout. I will remember all the stickers people were wearing that read "In honor of..." and "In memory of..." I will remember my friend's son, A, saying, "I worked out for you" and then giving me a hug. I will remember looking up into the crowd during my welcoming "speech" and seeing tears in my friend's eyes. I will remember the generosity of people, monetary and with their time. I will remember turning and looking at the empty gym as we walked out the door. I will remember the wonderful thing that happened at CrossFit Flathead on this Saturday morning.

This was a huge growing week for me and a week of working outside of my comfort zone. I found something I am passionate about and something I want to do more of and be a part of. I want to be a part of something that gives women the resources to be an advocate of their breast health. I have confidently walked into businesses and asked them to display our flyer and invited them to join our gym in a fundraiser for a great cause. I have asked people if they would like to donate money to a great local foundation without feeling uncomfortable asking for a donation. I walked into the police and fire department and spoke with their respective chiefs about our fundraiser and asked them to join us. I stood up for myself and for something that is dear to me and that I believe in and in turn hopefully one person learned a lesson in kindness and respect. I found something that I want to be a part of. I found something that makes my chest ache because I think it is so important. I found something that brings tears to my eyes when I see what I can do for this "something". After all is said and done, I found something greater than the memory of having cancer.

"Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something."

{a weekend with the v's}

What a wonderful weekend! It started out in the gym. You are starting to realize, if you haven't already, that I talk about the gym A LOT. The gym is a very important place to me. My family goes there together, Tony and I get to workout together from time-to-time, I get stronger, sometimes I get to step in and help people get stronger, I learn more each day and I am learning how to teach in the gym. We have great coaches that keep us motivated everyday. Throughout the year we have potlucks at the gym to enjoy our community outside of workouts. This time we had a Pink Party. Eat pink, find something pink to bring to the potluck. Wear pink, find something pink to show your support for breast cancer awareness. It was so fun seeing everybody in their pink and what they found to prepare for the potluck. We found there was a lot of salmon. :) Yum!! Everybody looked great in their pink, but I think the Hearn family may have won the prize. The guys all sported huge pink ribbons around their neck like a huge scarf and the ladies revamped their "Tuff Enough" t-shirts to make them a little more girly and added a little bling that made my laugh and a little teary all at once.

I was blessed with many hugs, words of support, a new stainless steel water bottle (because plastic is evil) and a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. After much grazing of good food and visiting with great friends, Coach B got everybody's attention and said a few words. When he was finished he broke out some new CrossFit stocking caps available for sale that Miss P ordered. Check these out! How awesome are these? We bought four total for our family, I bought one for my girlfriend in Denver and my siblings ordered six all together! Fantastic!

After Coach B finished saying a few words it was my turn. I didn't have anything planned out to say and I was starting to cry before I even had one sentence out. I hope I said enough to convey my gratitude and love for our gym community. Afterwards I kept thinking of things I wish I would have said. One thing, I wish I would have specifically acknowledged our coach and his wife. They have done so much for us in terms of support and organizing great things to show that support from them and the gym as a whole. Thank you, Buf and Penny! I love you guys. It was a great evening of friends. You can't beat that.

Later that night when Tony and I were talking about the evening I told him that one thing I haven't done enough is thank him for his love and support. I started crying immediately when I started to tell him this. I could not have made it through all of this without my dear husband. This was hard on him. I think as a spouse you would feel helpless. You can't take the pain away or make things better. He had a hard time telling people that his wife had cancer. When he called his dad to tell him he told his dad while choking up that he had bad news and then couldn't speak. He was overwhelmed with worry leading up to my surgery worrying that something would happen to me. He was stressed at the thought of taking care of everything and getting the work done that he needed to for work. After surgery he took care of me. He brought me food, he got me my meds during the day and in the middle of the night. He changed the dressings on my incisions, he emptied my drains, he dressed me, he washed my hair and soaped me up in the shower. He took care of the kids, he loved up on them, he drove me around, he went to every appointment with me, he held onto me when I cried and stroked my hair when I sobbed. He held my hand and handed me kleenex when I cried. He looked at my body after surgery like nothing had changed. . . like nothing had changed when everything had. I could go on and on, but that last thing is the one thing I needed most.

So our wonderful weekend continues. Friday night at the gym wore me out and left me pretty sore. Just being up and about, even if I'm not doing a whole lot does this to me. So Saturday morning Tony let Tyler and me sleep in (Tyler was recovering from a stomach bug) and he packed Kenna up for her first wrestling tournament. A Blue/Red Takedown Tournament. I had no idea what this was so had to ask. It's a nice short tournament. A great way to break newbies into a wrestling tournament. You win a match by scoring two takedowns. My girl kicked some butt! :-) She lost her first one and won the next two.

She didn't want to go at all and was very nervous her first match. She had no idea what to expect, but quickly figured it out. In a text I asked Tony if she was enjoying it after she had a chance to wrestle. He said she had just told him with a huge smile on her face, "I'm so proud of me!" Oh, honey, you should be! When she got home she told me, "I was so scared." I said, "That's okay. If you don't do things that scare you, you won't know what you can do."

Later that night we had friends over for drinks and munchies. We chatted, ate, had drinks, ate, laughed, laughed some more, ate, visited and laughed some more. Great times. I broke out a great "game" that Tony and discovered a few years ago when we spent our 15th anniversary at some cottages on Lake Superior. It is called "Table Topics".

It is a box of cards with "questions to start great conversations". Just like the box says, it did just that! Good times!

You can get a family one, Girl's Night Out, etc. I picked up, "Not Your Mom's Dinner Party". Pick up a box for your family or a fun night with friends. I plan to get a family one next. The kids will love it!

Sunday! Today was a good, good day. Our coach and his wife invited us to their awesome log home for brunch. They live about 30 minutes from us and it was a beautiful sunny day for a drive. The sun was shining on our winter wonderland.

We spent about three hours with them visiting and enjoying a wonderful meal. We were treated to mimosas, stuffed french toast with huckleberry sauce and fresh whipped cream (I'm pretty sure this didn't make the Paleo list, but it was amazing!) and cheesy scrambled eggs topped with a mixture of sausage and a bunch of yummy veggies. It was wonderful. After breakfast the kids went outside and enjoyed a fantastic sledding hill and roaming the mountainside. We finished up our visit with the kids warming up and enjoying a cup of hot chocolate. What a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon!

Next we headed out for a little drive that would end up being the kids favorite part of the day. :) Earlier in the day, for some reason unbeknownst to me, Tony started searching for dogs in the ads online. In his search he came across an ad for a female and male purebred Welsh Corgis for sale for $100 each. Soooo, Tony called on them and we headed out for a little drive to check out the dogs. We found out that the female was no longer available because the owner thought she might be pregnant. Oops! We were interested in the male anyways so that worked okay. So when we got there we walked back out to the car with Dewey (I would have named him Jesse) and asked the kids what they thought. "What?!" "Is it ours?" "Are you serious?" :) So we are now the proud owners of a 3-year-old Welsh Corgi. So far he seems like a great, mellow dog. He loves the kids, hasn't barked once and is about as active as a cat in a sunbeam. He made himself right at home and found a great spot to sleep on the floor right beside the dog bed we bought him. Go figure! I can't wait to get him in for a good grooming. He actually looks really great, but I want him cleaned to my liking. Tony and the kids brushed him which worked for me because brushing dogs gives me the heebie-jeebies. Weird, I know, but it gets me out of brushing the dog. lol

Introducing, Dewey! Tony said he is a little dog and a big dog all rolled up in one! lol He loves being outside and rolling around in the snow. So far the honeymoon is still in effect because the kids love taking him outside, even in the cold. We have also found that he likes to sleep on the couch when everybody has gone to bed. We will be working on that. That gives me the heebie-jeebies, too. He got scolded three times last night for being on the couch. The first couple times gently, the third time was a bit more stern. Tony and I cracked up because the third time he walked just past us and sat down with his back to us and totally ignored us. Too funny! The kids love him and Tony loves having a dog in the house again. I'm still not sure what to think. But, I do feel that we gave him a better home than what he had and that makes me feel good. He made himself at home and you would think he has lived here his entire life.

We had a full, fun weekend and I love weekends like that. I hope yours was just as wonderful! Even better is okay, too!

{it's hard work}

I've decided trying to be stong and positive is hard work.  I am finding that I am weary all the time and feel heavy.  I'm tired and just want to sleep in every morning.  I don't want to stay in bed all day, but I want to delay the start of my days.  I didn't feel like going to the gym today, but I went because I knew I had to.  I need to keep my body strong to speed up my recovery.  So to the gym I went.  We were loading up our bars for some heavy deadlifts when Coach gave out a shout, "now we are going to load up some weight!"  I instantly thought, what if you are already carrying a bunch of weight.  Right smack, dab on your shoulders.  My workouts have gotten so slow, I've added minutes to my time on short workouts. I feel like I can't move, like my limbs weigh a ton.  I can't catch my breath (more than usual), like a panic type "can't catch my breath".  I feel like I am trying to move through deep mud.  I broke down crying in the middle of a set of deadlifts today (more on that later) and not sure I would have picked it back up had Coach not walked over to push me to keep going.  I finished my set with tears streaming down my face. 

When I first found the lumps in my breast I could go to the gym and get away from my worries for at least one hour in the day.  Because during a CrossFit workout it is pretty near impossible to think about anything else except getting done with the workout.  Our workouts don't give me that one hour of reprieve from my head anymore.  It's always there, I always feel it.  A friend asked me today if I can ever forget about it during my day.  I can't.  I try quite often not to dwell on it, but it is always there. 

So I will keep doing my best to be strong and positive, but mind you it is hard work.  But, I am used to working hard and pulling a lot of weight when it seems like I can't pull anymore.  I can't promise I will do it without those damn tears, but I will keep pulling that weight even when more plates are thrown on.  Like Coach's sound words of encouragement today after I noted that the weight was heavy today after pulling a couple warmup reps.  Without missing a beat he said, "For somebody else it is!"  So I guess the weight isn't more than I can handle. I just have to load up, set my back and pull.  Somehow you can always stand up with more weight than you ever thought you could.  So, cancer, throw as many plates on as you want.  I can still stand up with it!

{my fight gone bad}

A few days ago after telling a friend that I was diagnosed with breast cancer I received a message from him on Facebook.  Let me say that I have received MANY amazing messages filled with words of encouragement and support from so many people.  I (we) greatly appreciate each and every one of them.  I can't even begin to express how much they mean to me.  I have been cutting and pasting them into a Word document so I can read and reread them as needed.  That could be daily as far as I know.

So back to this message I started to tell you about.  This friend doesn't CrossFit with us, but he has researched it quite a bit, listens to us talk about it and knows several members of our gym.  We even finally got him to come down to the gym on a Saturday morning to watch a workout and see what we do.  He may not have picked the right Saturday morning to observe, though.  "War Frank" was on the board.  Ouch!  He said he was sore for three days afterwards just from watching. :-)  So, anyhoo,  this friend sends me the following message . . .

I have been thinking of you since talking to you yesterday. I think you were called to your crossfit family for a reason. To prepare you for times like these. Without crossfit you would not be in as good of shape as you are and would not have the nutrition that you do, nor the strength and power it takes to fight something like this. In our lives we are faced with "Amandas", "Jennifers" or whatever you may call them. But at least once in our lives we are faced with a "Fight Gone Bad". This is your FGB! You have conquered it in the gym and you will conquer it in life. The best part is that you have so many around you to spot you. So, when it gets bad, remember, we are here to help you pull up your boot straps, buckle your chin strap and make sure you never drop the bar.

I believe everything happens for a reason.  Joining CrossFit Flathead has changed my life in so many ways.  Personally, I am stronger, more aware of my body and more confident.  I always say our gym is 90% the people and 10% the workouts.  Our community of people is like a second family.  They care for you, worry about you, celebrate with you, laugh with you, sweat with you, feel workout pain with you and pray for you.  I think my friend is right.  CrossFit changed my life, but I think this is the reason I joined CrossFit almost two years ago.  I needed the past couple years to prepare my body for this battle, MY "Fight Gone Bad".  I needed to meet all these wonderful people to give me additional strength. . . a hug on a daily basis, a hug for my kids, a prayer for my health and even homemade chicken soup! :) 

This is the reason I found CrossFit.  To give me the mental and physical strength to make it through my personal "Fight Gone Bad"  It may be longer than 17 minutes to get through it, but in the end I will have a similar sense of relief to be done and I'll probably feel like falling on the ground and thank the good Lord to be done with the final step.  Many times I've thought of Amanda Miller.  A CrossFit athlete that was taken way to early from skin cancer.  My fight isn't going to be near the battle she had, but I hope I can do a fallen CrossFit athlete proud and fight my fight with strength, dignity and grace (thank you, Robin!).  A friend at CrossFit asked me if I would still be at the gym.  I told her I would be there everyday humanly possible even if I could only do the warm up and it took me the full hour to do it.  Sometimes walking into the gym is what soothes my soul and makes my day better. 

So with the some of the same anxiety and sick feeling in my stomach that I have when I am waiting for "Fight Gone Bad" to begin I continue to prepare for our next step.  Just like at the gym there is nothing you can do but pick away at the task at hand until you finish.  If you miss the box you stand up and keep going.  If you drop the bar you pick it up & keep going.  If you can't catch your breath you take a quick break, but you keep going.  You just dig deep & keep going!

3-2-1 GO!

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as the expectation of something better tomorrow."

{honoring those fallen}

What an amazing day at the gym!!!  Yesterday I skipped the gym & I finally gave into my 4-weeks of a cold and went to have it checked out.  Come to find out I have a sinus infection & broncitis. Yippee!  So hello Z-Pac and hopefully hello to feeling better soon.  I had decided to take most of the week off from the gym until my hubby came home and said we were doing "Amanda" Tuesday morning. Before he finished his sentence I knew I would not be resting and I would be working out in the a.m.

"Amanda"~ Muscle Ups ~ Squat Snatch 135/95 ~ 9-7-5

At CrossFit we have two different kinds of benchmark workouts.  We have "The Girls", tough workouts named after girls like hurricanes used to be named.  Then we  have our Hero WODs, TOUGH workouts named after fallen soldiers, highway patrolmen and firefighters.  Hero WODs are a time to push yourself harder than usual in honor of these men that have died protecting us.  These WODs come around randomly and are a great way to measure your progress over time.  So today was "Amanda", a "girl" workout on the girl board, not the hero board.  But, knowing the story behind "Amanda" it is hard not to treat this workout as a hero.

Read about Amanda Miller in this tribute  to an amazing CrossFit athlete.  A little over a month before Amanda Miller passed away of recurring melanoma cancer that spread to her lymph nodes she wrote on her blog, “I just competed in the CF Games less than a year ago and now I’m dying.” - Amanda Miller, March 9, 2010.  This is the first WOD dedicated to a fallen CrossFit athlete.  I read somewhere to the effect that her doctors criticized her for continuing to CrossFit while undergoing treatment for her cancer saying it was to hard and wearing on her body. She refused to listen to them knowing she had to keep her body strong and it was something she loved.  I admire her fight and strength all the way until the end of her too short life. 

So today with "Amanda" on our whiteboard I sucked it up even though I didn't feel well and tried to do as much of the workout Rx'd as I could no matter how long it took me.  I tried the Rx'd weight of 95# several times with no success.  I wasn't able to get under the bar fast enough.  My only excuse is I have always been slow at this point of the snatch and I was running from the pain I was afraid I would feel in my pelvis and shoulder.  Coach B told me to do 65# so I did 75# :-) and I did as many muscle ups as I could eek out and finished the remainder with our scaled version for the day, two chest to bar pullups + two ring dips/muscle up.  I was able to do four the first round, one the second and all five in the final round.  Everytime I got on the rings the last round I told myself to do it for Amanda.  I did 10 of the 21 muscle ups in the workout.  I am happy with that.  I think this was the most enjoyable WOD I have done in a long time and it was a great way to honor a strong, amazing woman. 

We should all push ourselves physically a little further than we think we can.  I think we are all capable of doing more than we think we can.  We hold ourselves back mentally, when physically we can reach a new level.  You have to believe in yourself.  Know your body can do it, know your body is capable, commit to reaching that next level.  Remember there are people out there pushing themselves to new limits when physically and/or mentally you would expect they couldn't.   These people believe there is nothing that can hold them back.  Don't let anything hold you back. Make the most of your life. Reach that new level.

{dial it in and tighten it up}

Today it REALLY begins and what a rotten week for it to begin.  Thanksgiving.  Food, food, food and a short week at the gym.  Yikes!  Today my coach says to me, "It's a big week.  We have to lose one pound!" Coach B is "going against the grain" with me and losing weight this holiday season instead of gaining.  It is so great to have somebody to be accountable to.  Posting my intentions and my progess here for all to read is also great motivation.  If I can do this during the holidays it should be a piece of cake to stay on track when it comes to nutrition the other eleven months of the year.

So, I checked my calendar to take a peek at the week and see what I have to work around and when I will fit my cheats in.  My plan was 2-3 cheats/week, but this week is going to be a little different considering Turkey Day.  I think it is obvious that my cheat is going to be on Thursday and I am laying off the lattes and saving up to have one Friday morning when my sister and I brave the craziness of Black Friday.  Tangent . . . yes, I am one of those crazy people that gets up in the middle of the night to brave the cold and the stupid crowds of people.  But, I really don't go for the deals, I don't arrive at stores an hour before they open, I don't turn my shopping trips into a CrossFit sprint workout with a steel cart, leaping over small children and narrowly missing elderly women in the waffle iron aisle.  I go because my sisters and I have been doing it almost every year since I moved back to Montana and it is fun, silly time with my sisters.  (The best part about the following pic is the lady sprouting out of my sister's head.) 

Black Friday 2009 . . . the alarm went off at 3:20 a.m.

Anyhoo, I digress!  So, back to what I was saying, my cheat is mostly reserved for Thanksgiving Day and I'm going to have a latte Friday morning.  Now even though Thanksgiving is considered my cheat I'm going to be trying some Paleo recipes to go along with Thanksgiving dinner.  I don't think my dad will buy into it so I will still be doing most of the traditional stuff, too, but I am pretty excited about this.  I am going to make some mock mashed potatoes from cauliflower (we do this occasionally and they are YU-MMY!), green beans sauteed with garlic and bacon in leu of green bean casserole and I'm trying a Paleo stuffing recipe (this is a leap for me because it has bacon and sausage in it & pork mostly gives me the heebie-jeebies) I recently found on a blog.  Don't worry I will be sharing these recipes in a future post as well as the recipes for the two things I am not even going to try to find a Paleo replacement for.  My Dad's recipe for Sweet Potato Balls and French Silk Pie.  Sometimes you just have to go with the bad stuff.

Enough with my plan for the week and onto my lunch for today.  I am going to confess that I DO NOT like to cook, I am a baker at heart.  My husband does most of the cooking and has been pretty much feeding me since we joined CrossFit Flathead about 18 months ago.  But, in my effort to eat better, more consistently I am making an effort to do my share of the cooking.  So today in between my workout and picking up at pre-school I made a mad dash to the grocery store to pick up some veggies.  I didn't have much time, but grabbed some yellow squash, zuchinni, bok choy, baby bok choy (simply because they were so cute) and mushrooms.  After I fed my son and his friend a less friendly heart-healthy lunch (you gotta do that when they have a friend over!) I got to work on my lunch and below is what I came up with. 

 

Lunch ala Trina

(I'm guessing this may be the name of many of my lunches.)

Simple really and not even worthy of being called a recipe.  I sauteed and then slightly steamed broccoli in some olive oil and chicken broth.  Next, I added red peppers and garlic, tossed in the crispy parts of the baby bok choy (really, so cute!) and the mushrooms, added a splash of low-sodium soy sauce (Gasp!  Soy sauce?!  Get over it.  I'm more primal than paleo. That's in my 20%) and then add the bok choy leaves.  I slid all that yumminess onto my plate and cooked up my chicken in some olive oil and the goodies in the bottom of the pan from the veggies.  I then weighed out 3 oz. of chicken and put it on top of my veggies, sliced up an apple (because I can't seem to eat a garden of veggies in one meal to get all my Zone blocks in so sometimes I have to add some fruit earlier in the day) and presto!  I made my own lunch!  I'm such a big girl.

So, that's what I've done so far today.  Planned my week, actually cooked a meal and stayed mostly warm (it is 8 degrees).  I hope all your goals are moving forward how you would like them to.  Only you can make them move in that direction!  Have fun preparing for Thanksgiving!

Progress report:  Diet is going pretty well today and I had a great workout this morning.  Cleans . . . I really want to work on my technique in this lift so today was perfect.  95# Cleans and Chest-to-Bar pullups, 15-12-9.  I stayed pretty steady, the weight didn't feel terribly heavy and I could feel when the lift was decent.  Learning to recognize when something is right in my own lifts has been a long, ongoing process for me.  I'm learning to pay closer attention and that makes my effort in the gym more productive.  Now if I could quit being so hard on myself the rest of the time. ;)  Quiet in the peanut gallery! :D

{going against the grain}

While doing a little search on the good 'ole Google machine today I was surprised to see that research has shown that the average person gains only about one pound during the holidays.  This is contrary to popular belief that a person will gain 5-10 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  One pound is far better than 5-10, but really no weight gain is even better.  One pound isn't much, but this becomes a problem when this pound is never taken off and these "one pound" holidays start to add up.

I workout very consistently and hard and I try to eat well at least 80% of the time.  But, I am going to confess that I have had a bad food attitude as of late and I haven't been eating all that well.  (Damn those Boy Scouts and their Chocolate Covered Caramel Corn!)  So, in true Trina form, this holiday season I am going to go against the grain of holiday weight gain and lose a couple of pounds before the New Year.  I know I am going to get some of the same remarks I always get when I say I want to lose a couple of pounds, "You don't need to lose weight!"  I do when the weight is body fat and not muscle and I know where I want my body fat percentage to lie.  I consider myself a CrossFit athlete like everybody else in our gym.  I want my body fat to represent the athlete I strive to be in the gym.  Body fat percentage for an athlete is 14-20%.  I am on the high-end of this, possibly one percentage off.  It isn't about losing weight because I think I am overweight, it is about losing body fat that is keeping me from performing at my best in the gym and it is losing body fat as a result of eating food that is healthy and good for my body.  I am the only one that can take care of my body and make sure it lives a long life free of disease.   This doesn't mean I probably won't enjoy some holiday treats, because a healthy lifestyle is about enjoying life, as well.  I strive for about an 80% Paleo/Zone diet.  I'm working on eliminating dairy, but that has been a struggle as it is perfect latte season with Winter descending upon Montana.  So that will have to remain part of the 20% of my diet.

So tomorrow I "go against the grain" and will work hard to go against what the general population does.  I will lose while they gain and in being a loser I will win! :-)

Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports.
~Greg Glassman

{sectionals 2011}

Eleven months until the CrossFit North Central Sectionals. This time I have nearly a year to train instead of cramming it into five months. I feel like I am in a good place in my strength and conditioning heading into this year training. I am going to try to stay current on this blog and document my journey through this year. I am going to try to do well with my training diet (I do a Zoned Paleo of sorts. I am not strict with this because #1 I have a life & I‘m a busy mom of three #2 I enjoy some of my favorite foods every now and then, and #3 I have a life & I‘m a busy mom of three), I am going to cook more, try more Paleo recipes and share them on here, train hard everyday I am in the gym, I’m going to tighten up my Olympic lifting technique, I am going to read more about my sport and articles that support what I am doing, I’m going to rest and breathe later during workouts and I’m going to push past that last rep that I squeeze out and do two more.

I will probably vent and gripe on here at times, I will sing my praises at times, I will encourage all my likeminded readers to continue on their healthy eating/CrossFit path, I will moan about my soar muscles, etc., etc. Here is where I will lay it all out. If you choose to follow my journey I thank you for taking the time to peek into my world. I am very excited about what these next eleven months have in store for me.  P.S.  For this new year of adventures I changed my blog design . . . simple pleasures! :)

“Strength is Beauty”

 

{like no other}

 

Last weekend I had the amazing privilege to compete in the CrossFit North Central Regional Qualifier. In late March I placed 20^th at sectionals allowing me to move on to compete at Regionals. So for the next five weeks, with the meticulous and genius programming by Coach B, I trained and trained hard for the next step. (Okay, let me just say that there was one Saturday that I just couldn’t give it my all in my first workout. After, I apologized to my coach and told him that I just didn’t care today. Hahaha! He gave me a smile and a nod and said, “That’s okay.” J ) That next step seemed to come pretty quickly! So Tony and I made arrangements for childcare, Tony got up-to-speed on coaching me, workouts were strategized (is that a word?), travel arrangements were made and we were off to Regionals in Castle Rock, CO.

We started our competition experience by cheering on friends in the team competition on Friday. Everybody did great and it is so wonderful to watch everybody working so hard and putting to use the hard training they had been putting in. I started my competition at 8:00 Saturday morning, WOD #1 “The Lift” max floor to overhead, however you wanted to get it there. It didn’t have to be pretty (which is good, because my technique on Oly lifts is mostly not pretty!), it just had to get there. Four ladies on one platform with 25 minutes to get your max. I got a PR of 15# and clean and jerked 130#!!!!! Holy crap! That is a lot of weight to hold over your head. WooooooHoooooo! What a great start to the day! WOD #2 “The Run“. 1400m, not a sprint, not endurance. Chose your pace wisely and give it your all . . . AND don’t get passed by the person that started one minute after you! At 10:11 am I was given the “3-2-1-Go!” I had two songs on my iPod to run to. I knew I wouldn’t need the full two songs so I chose two that make me want to work hard and fast, “Riot” and “Slow Drain”. Off I go! Slow down right away so I don’t bite it on the slight grassy/rocky downhill and take off on the paved path. I finished with a strong sprint in 5:41. Awesome! I’ll take it. That is a 6:21 per/mile pace. I’m guessing I could have kept up that pace for one mile and one mile only! Lol WOD #3 “The Triplet” 500m row- 12 OHS w/ 75# - 50 Double Unders - 3 rounds for time, 15 minute cap. When they released this WOD I thought, that is pretty doable. A friend sent me a message that simply said, “Famous last words!” You know what? He was absolutely right! This workout was brutal. Not just to myself, but to the masses. This workout alone eliminated 22 out of 51 women! Every workout is evil in it’s own way, for me that “way” was the row. I fell apart on the row. However, I battled through and finished in 14:55!!!! Just barely under the timecap, but that is plenty of time for me to move onto the final WOD on Sunday!

Sunday, new day, new competition. Going into Sunday I was in 28^th place. I’m going be honest withl all my readers, I had a meltdown Saturday night. I was tired (I turn into a 3-year-old when I am tired), weary, the discovery of a lump on the back of my knee had me freaked out (don’t worry, I found out it isn’t serious) and the final WOD freaked me out. WOD #4 (I’ll call it The Chipper) had a 20 minute timecap. 10 Snatches @ 95# (5# under my 1 RM) - 20 Chest-to-Bar Pullups - 30 stick jumps, 20” - 40 Ball Slams, 30# (never done those before!), 30 stick jumps - 20 Chest-to-Bar Pullups - 10 Snatches @ 95#. OM-freakin’-G! So this WOD made me cry Saturday night. I went to bed and woke up doing the Snatch in my head and I still couldn’t make it look right. By the time I crawled out of bed I decided all I could do was plug away at each and every rep and laugh at myself when it got ugly. . . And “got ugly” it did! I missed many of the first 10 reps and took over five minutes to finish them. By the time I got to the pullup bar I was the ONLY one on there and one gal even hopped up for her SECOND set of pullups while I was plugging away at my first. All I could do is smile and shake my head. I have to say I rocked the stick jumps and for never doing ball slams I did well on those. I eventually made it back to the Snatches. Whew! Big deep breath, pick up the bar and GO! GO! GO! GO! GO Holy crap! I’m not missing any! Oops! Missed that one! Breathe . . . GO! GO! GO! GO! TIME! Damn! Well, if you counted correctly you will see that time was called with only one snatch left!!!! I battled it to the end and came one rep short of posting a place at the North Central Regionals. You know what? I have only been with CrossFit for 13 ½ months. I will take that!!! Had I got that one snatch I would have placed 24^th!! That is only four places lower than I placed at sectionals. I’m proud of that.

Here are my three favorite things of the weekend: 

• 
  
  My husband. Tony came with me to watch me do my thing, be my number one supporter and to coach me and he performed amazingly wearing each of those hats. He got choked up after my third WOD when he looked around at the crowd cheering for me when I busted through my final skills to barely move onto day two. He stepped out of husband role and coached me perfectly. So perfectly that we have very few pictures because he was to nervous and anxious to remember to pass my camera to a friend or take any pics himself. Thank you, babe, I love you! 


• 
  
   My coach and dear friend, Buf. Buf coached me over the phone every morning, before, right before and right after every WOD. Words of encouragement, words of praise, words of pure strategy for every workout. He knows exactly how I workout and what I can do even when I don’t. I posted a Facebook status that said it all, “With your coach’s confidence you can move mountains.” I didn’t quite move the mountain I had hoped, but I did indeed move a big mountain! I would NOT be where I am today in the gym and personally if it wasn’t for Buf. Thank you! 


• 
  
  My support network. This included friends and family via text, FB, phone, etc, friends from the Denver area (friends that I might add I never would have met had it not been for CrossFit) & my fellow CrossFit Flathead competitor that cheered me on during every WOD, friends and family back home in the gym that did the regionals workouts right along with me throughout the day and cheered for me when we would call with updates and friends and family that were so gracious to help us out watching our kids back home so Tony could travel with me . . . Colette, Greg and Cammi and my dad. To all these people that supported me in some way, shape or form. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are all amazing people and so dear to me!

If you CrossFit and ever have the chance sign up and compete in some sort of CrossFit competition, do it! I have competed in quite a few physical competitions of sorts and there is NOTHING more amazing and inspiring than a CrossFit competition. The CrossFit community is like no other. The support and encouragement is like no other. The personal accomplishments are like no other. The friends you make through CrossFit are like other.

CrossFit is like NO other.

{paleo shmaleo}

Damn. I'm eating Paleo with some Zone thrown in for good measure. I didn't want to be one of those people, but here I am. It really isn't a far cry from how we ate before, but it does require a little more diligence, prep, and cutting out of a few more food items. I'm okay with that. After a few weeks of tightening up my diet (still not perfect) I can tell a difference in the gym and THAT, my friends, I like! I am not going to preach the wonders of the food I eat or push it on you. This is just how I choose to fuel my body. . . for the most part. I still enjoy my favorite things. I just have to plan for them now, though, sometimes I have to admit I don't even do that. Okay, enough of that. Now onto the real reason I sat down to write this post . . . an amazing Paleo meal!

So, a few weeks ago I started following an amazing blog by a likeminded CrossFitter, Primal Mama Cooks. Her blog has great recipes with pictures, is written by a very down-to-earth busy mom (busy I understand) and is very entertaining to boot. Many times I read her posts and do, in fact, laugh out loud and then read it to my hubby so I can giggle somemore. For Valentine's Day we chose one of her recipes and cooked it together in the kitchen (duh, huh. Of course, the kitchen). It was a-maaaaaa-zing! Wow! Lemon Chicken on Cauliflower Mash. M-m-m-m-m! Not only was it delicious when done cooking it was gorgeous marinading. When does that happen?! Standing in your kitchen drooling over raw chicken in a gallon zip-lock? You know you are in for a treat when that happens! Witness the drool-fest below. How gorgeous is that?

Marinating Beauty

Onto the cauliflower mash. I have seen this suggested as a replacement for mashed potatoes many times, but never took the time to try it. Not because I don't like cauliflower, probably because I was just too lazy to try something new. But, tonight I set lazy aside and we tried it. What a treat and the best part, the kids ate it! Okay, the girls loved it, Tyler not so much. (80% of our household gave a new recipe a thumbs up? I call that a success!) Mashed cauliflower, carmelized onions (I think we will cut way back on the onions next time), garlic. Oh, what isn't to love? And the chicken, I can't say enough about how easy it was and oh so good. You can get this chicken ready in the marinade in minutes in the morning and be ready to cook come dinner time. Open your ziplock, dump in olive oil, cut two lemons in half, squeeze the juice in (Don't bother throwing the lemons away, toss them in, too!), chop up parsley, mince up garlic, throw in the chicken, seal 'er up and your dinner is on it's way to yummy!

Paleoliciousness!

We will definitely be making this again. We decided the marinade would probably be good with fish, also. That may be next on our experiment list. I'm not much of a cook in the kitchen, but I've found that I need to become one if I am going to make eating Paleo a part of our lives. It has to taste good to stick with it. I don't think I will get too competent in the kitchen though because Tony is pretty good at it and I would hate to take away the breakfast he makes me every morning or the dinners that he prepares because I didn't quite get to it. :) That is just smart thinkin' ladies!

{rest when you are done}

There are about seven weeks left until Sectionals in Golden, CO.  My training started with a couple months of sheer anxiety.  What the hell was I thinking?  I can't compete like this, the unknown, the strength required, I can't compete with the women that will be there.   I've competed in other fitness endeavors.  Several half-marathons and a figure competition.  No problem I knew what to expect when I got there.  Run 13.1 miles.  Stand on stage in a bikini and pose.  But the games?  Yikes.  Not knowing what I will have to do until the night before terrifies me.  What if I'm not strong enough?  What if it is one of the couple skills I can't do yet?  What if it is a weight I am just short of moving?  What if it is a skill that I am not quite as skilled at?  I have decided for all of those concerns all I can do is continue to train, eat well and do my best.  Instead, my coach has me working on the weakest part of my game.  It isn't the strength, that is coming along nicely.  It isn't the mastery of skills.  That is repetition and I still have time to improve.  What is holding me back from my potential?  My mental game.  I have to strengthen my mental game.  When the lactic acid has built up in my quads and shoulders and I can't do one more  thruster I have to do five more.  When I can't breathe because I feel like my body is going at my body's version of the speed of light, I push through it and keep going.  Oxygen is overrated.  I have figured out that as bad as it feels when you are on your 13th rep and you can't breathe it feels worse when you stop and it is harder to start again than it is to keep going.  I just now realized that is what I always say about running.  I never stop in the middle of a run because it hurts worse to stop and start than to just keep going.  A slow jog, or slog, is faster than walking.  A slow squat is faster than stopping to catch your breath.  So I am learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable.  I try to imagine my coach or my husband in my ear telling me not to stop.  I try to remember that the fewer times I stop to rest the sooner I will finish and get to rest.  So I try to live by the words of a very wise man . . .

"YOU CAN REST WHEN YOU ARE DONE!"

~Coach Buf

{level one certified with a side of food}

I landed in Reno Friday afternoon at 12:30 and arrived back in Kalispell Monday at 12:45, twenty minutes earlier than scheduled.  When does that happen?  I spent two days on the University of Nevada-Reno's campus, which is quite pretty, at a CrossFit level one certification.  Who knew you could be so sore from moving, moving, moving with a piece of PVC pipe.  We sat in lectures, practiced fundamental movements, worked out, practiced movements, worked out, listened to lectures, snacked on all sorts of Zone/Paleo food (nobody would have been caught dead with any other kind of food), practiced movements, worked out, etc, etc, etc.  I am still tired!  By Sunday night all I wanted to do was curl up, rest my weary knees and fall asleep.  But I did what any follower of any healthy eating plan does after a long weekend of fitness and healthiness, I cheated!  I had a French Dip (what bread????), a side salad that consisted of  iceberg lettuce and a 16 oz. bottle of blue cheese dressing (That's  not how I ordered it.  That's how it arrived at my table), a very loved and longed for Corona and lime and with the help of one of the cert trainers, a beautiful, large, moist, chewy, almost orgasmic chocolate brownie.  It did have some crap on the top like a couple of sliced strawberries and a plump blackberry, but I quickly discarded those.  I have never had a better cheat night.  My night of indulgence was celebrated and cheered on by three of the cert trainers.  Nobody appreciate's a good night of crappy eating like them.  It was glorious.  I have to admit I haven't quite climbed back on the Zone wagon, but tomorrow I will be.  Preparations are in order as I type.  I have a pan of broccoli cooking, turkey patties on my George Forman grill [I know.  How gay is it that I have one?  But, I love it. :)], containers out for my food tomorrow, cans of tuna on the counter waiting to be opened and stored in the fridge, chicken and lean burger thawing and peppers waiting to be chopped.  It's time to hit it hard.  Next week is going to be a good week for a fresh rested me.  On top of all this food prep, I am taking a recovery week.  I believe I started to hit an overtraining cycle in my training.  I wasn't recovering from workouts and feeling totally exhausted and not seeing results.  So after a long weekend of certifying I thought it was the perfect time.  I am loving it, but at the same time feeling terribly guilty.  We'll see if I actually make a full week, but I'm going to try hard.

So back to the certification.  I'm very glad I went and planned to before I was even asked to coach at the gym.  I'm just that kind of a girl.  More fitness info, please.  People keep asking me, "how does it feel?"  Honestly.  I'm very glad that I did it for myself and for our gym.  All of my friends, CrossFit and otherwise have been very supportive and I appreciate that, but you know what?  It doesn't feel like it means anything.  Any Joe off the street can attend these certs and there is no testing at the end.  Show up, do the work for the weekend and you get a nice CrossFit Level 1 certificate when the weekend comes to an end.  (But, apparently you can't be a total dick and get one though.  Heard of a story of a guy that they refused to give a certificate to.  He was an ass and they said they didn't want him out representing CrossFit.  I thought that was great.  I respect that.)  There were two people that attended that have never done CrossFit. But, now by CrossFit's certification standards they can now coach at a gym, open an affiliate, etc.  That is the bummer.  However, I'm pleased and proud to know that I did the work beforehand that does qualify me more than they are.  It is still kind of a letdown when you think about it that way.  However, I need to make it known that a great majority of the people attending were strong, hard working, CrossFit drugged individuals.  It was fun to be around so many different CrossFit shirts and tore up hands. 

So I start a new CrossFit adventure now.  Gaining experience as a coach, learning from my coaches, our gym members and my mistakes, and making a difference in people's lives.  Isn't that really what CrossFit is all about?  Changing lives one athlete at a time. 3-2-1-GO!