{my fight gone bad}

A few days ago after telling a friend that I was diagnosed with breast cancer I received a message from him on Facebook.  Let me say that I have received MANY amazing messages filled with words of encouragement and support from so many people.  I (we) greatly appreciate each and every one of them.  I can't even begin to express how much they mean to me.  I have been cutting and pasting them into a Word document so I can read and reread them as needed.  That could be daily as far as I know.

So back to this message I started to tell you about.  This friend doesn't CrossFit with us, but he has researched it quite a bit, listens to us talk about it and knows several members of our gym.  We even finally got him to come down to the gym on a Saturday morning to watch a workout and see what we do.  He may not have picked the right Saturday morning to observe, though.  "War Frank" was on the board.  Ouch!  He said he was sore for three days afterwards just from watching. :-)  So, anyhoo,  this friend sends me the following message . . .

I have been thinking of you since talking to you yesterday. I think you were called to your crossfit family for a reason. To prepare you for times like these. Without crossfit you would not be in as good of shape as you are and would not have the nutrition that you do, nor the strength and power it takes to fight something like this. In our lives we are faced with "Amandas", "Jennifers" or whatever you may call them. But at least once in our lives we are faced with a "Fight Gone Bad". This is your FGB! You have conquered it in the gym and you will conquer it in life. The best part is that you have so many around you to spot you. So, when it gets bad, remember, we are here to help you pull up your boot straps, buckle your chin strap and make sure you never drop the bar.

I believe everything happens for a reason.  Joining CrossFit Flathead has changed my life in so many ways.  Personally, I am stronger, more aware of my body and more confident.  I always say our gym is 90% the people and 10% the workouts.  Our community of people is like a second family.  They care for you, worry about you, celebrate with you, laugh with you, sweat with you, feel workout pain with you and pray for you.  I think my friend is right.  CrossFit changed my life, but I think this is the reason I joined CrossFit almost two years ago.  I needed the past couple years to prepare my body for this battle, MY "Fight Gone Bad".  I needed to meet all these wonderful people to give me additional strength. . . a hug on a daily basis, a hug for my kids, a prayer for my health and even homemade chicken soup! :) 

This is the reason I found CrossFit.  To give me the mental and physical strength to make it through my personal "Fight Gone Bad"  It may be longer than 17 minutes to get through it, but in the end I will have a similar sense of relief to be done and I'll probably feel like falling on the ground and thank the good Lord to be done with the final step.  Many times I've thought of Amanda Miller.  A CrossFit athlete that was taken way to early from skin cancer.  My fight isn't going to be near the battle she had, but I hope I can do a fallen CrossFit athlete proud and fight my fight with strength, dignity and grace (thank you, Robin!).  A friend at CrossFit asked me if I would still be at the gym.  I told her I would be there everyday humanly possible even if I could only do the warm up and it took me the full hour to do it.  Sometimes walking into the gym is what soothes my soul and makes my day better. 

So with the some of the same anxiety and sick feeling in my stomach that I have when I am waiting for "Fight Gone Bad" to begin I continue to prepare for our next step.  Just like at the gym there is nothing you can do but pick away at the task at hand until you finish.  If you miss the box you stand up and keep going.  If you drop the bar you pick it up & keep going.  If you can't catch your breath you take a quick break, but you keep going.  You just dig deep & keep going!

3-2-1 GO!

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as the expectation of something better tomorrow."

{1 in 200,000}

1 in 200,000.  This is the average number of women that are diagnosed with breast cancer each year.  548 women per day.  When you think of 1 in 200,000 your odds seem kind of slim to be that one.  Really, think about being one person in a city of 200,000 people.  You alone can seem like a pretty insignificant person when you think of the whole...until you are that one.  Wednesday I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Ductal Carcinoma in Situ, DCIS, a non-invasive early stage of breast cancer that is localized in the breast ducts. Shock. Numbness. Empty. Surreal. These are all things that Tony and I felt when I got off the phone with my doctor.  My doctor's first words to me were "don't panic, it is localized and is a very early stage of cancer".  Within about two hours I got a call back from my doctor's receptionist to set up an appointment the next morning with the breast doctor at the Bass Breast Center at the hospital and then a call from a wonderful woman, Sandy, at the women's clinic where I had my mammogram, ultrasound and biopsies.  I've been telling people she is like the "mom" at the women's clinic.  She makes sure you are "ok", gives gentle consults, keeps your family informed in the waiting room, is present when you arrive at the breast center, takes you to see the MRI so you are prepared, etc.  I also found that when you are alone in the ultrasound room waiting to have your biopsies done and crying because you just found out that your husband can't be with you she comes and sits on the edge of the bed to comfort you and explain why and to apologize for not making sure we knew this before arriving.  Back to Sandy's call . . . she called to tell me, "I know all you are hearing is cancer, but it's not cancer.  They are cancer cells that are just sitting there and it is easily taken care of."  Well, people, it IS cancer and though it is considered a Stage 0 cancer and "easily taken care of" there is more to it than that.  "Easily taken care of" to me means schedule surgery, cut out the lumps, bid me a farewell at the door and thank me for coming.  Don't be fooled by Stage 0 cancer.  (We have become skeptical at any reassurance of anything by this point.  More on that later, maybe even another short blog post.)  Now let me say that I know this could have been 120% worse as people are diagnosed at far worse stages of cancer (ask my god-daughter who was 7 years old when she was diagnosed) and will have a far worse journey than I will.  But, cancer is never "easy" when you are the one that has it.

Anyhoo, back to not being fooled by this Stage 0 cancer.  Cancer is a scary thing with a mind of its own.  After being assured that it is localized, doesn't know how to travel to the lymph nodes and it isn't invasive, my doctor told me she has a gut feeling that there is a chance that there could be some invasive cancer.  So, she will test lymph nodes when I have surgery and I need an MRI to know for sure and to find out the exact location of the lumps to find out just how many there are.  AND I should have genetic testing done to determine if I have a mutated gene that leaves me at high risk for reoccuing cancer in the cancered up breast and the other one AND ovarian cancer.  Both of these tests will determine the extent of my treatment options.  These options are A) a lumpectomy, radiation and endocrine therapy (drugs I will take for the next five years to reduce the risk of reoccurance by 50%).  This option leaves me with a 5-25% of reoccurance of breast cancer.  B) a mastectomy, no radiation or drugs required afterwards.  This option leaves me with a 2-5% chance of reoccurrence and a grand set of new boobs.  I've breast-fed three babies and have the boobs to prove it and have dreams of a grand set of new boobs, but this isn't the way I imagined getting them.  I thought maybe I would embezzle from the kids college fund for mom's new knockers. ;)  Just kidding, of course! (A dear mom friend of mine told me "laughter is the best medicine" so I'm trying!)  So, though the new, perky boobs sound heavenly a mastectomy does not.  This doesn't fall into my idea of "easily taken care of".  Do you ladies out there agree or is it just me???  I was telling a wonderful male in my life about my appointment and that the mastectomy sounded like it could be a real  possibility and he said, "that's no big deal."  I understand his logic that a mastectomy is a little sacrifice if it is getting rid of pretty much all possibility of cancer.  But, losing a breast or even the thought of having to make the decision to lose my breast IS a big deal.  It is a very personal thing and one of the characteristics of a woman.  Yes, I realize I will have reconstructive surgery, but it is still a scary thing to be faced with.  I have to admit that after a full day of walking around in a fog, a good night's sleep, many hugs from my hubby, rereading info from my doctor and blogging I've pretty much decided to have a mastectomy if that is our best option for me to remain cancer-free for the rest of my life and that is our main objective.  I don't want to do this again.

Another thing that makes me sad is that my sisters and my girls are now at high-risk for breast cancer.  My mom friend said maybe it is my job to be the dragon slayer to pave the way and give my sisters and daughters a heads up in life so that they can be on top of their breast health.  Maybe, but I am busy and tired and . . ."Somedays I just don't feel like slaying dragons."  But, slay dragons I will for the next couple months.

From the beginning of all of this I have always felt that everything will be fine in the end and it will.  The prognosis with this type of cancer is survival and I am most thankful for that and know that many people are not that fortunate.  I have been telling people that I never felt that I would be fighting for my life, just my health.  So fight and move forward is what I will do everyday.  Will everyday be a grand day?  No, I don't think so.  I'm on a road to becoming cancer free and no matter what the cancer or stage is it isn't an easy road.  Bottom line, at the end of the day I have cancer.  Cancer doesn't always play nice or the way the doctors think it should and it is just damn scary.  But, I am doing well, I've had time to process everything and ready to move forward.  Really, there is nothing else we can do, but move forward.  We have wonderful friends and family and have amazing support.

So my blog  just took a different turn for a couple months . . . this is definitely the "life in between."

{honoring those fallen}

What an amazing day at the gym!!!  Yesterday I skipped the gym & I finally gave into my 4-weeks of a cold and went to have it checked out.  Come to find out I have a sinus infection & broncitis. Yippee!  So hello Z-Pac and hopefully hello to feeling better soon.  I had decided to take most of the week off from the gym until my hubby came home and said we were doing "Amanda" Tuesday morning. Before he finished his sentence I knew I would not be resting and I would be working out in the a.m.

"Amanda"~ Muscle Ups ~ Squat Snatch 135/95 ~ 9-7-5

At CrossFit we have two different kinds of benchmark workouts.  We have "The Girls", tough workouts named after girls like hurricanes used to be named.  Then we  have our Hero WODs, TOUGH workouts named after fallen soldiers, highway patrolmen and firefighters.  Hero WODs are a time to push yourself harder than usual in honor of these men that have died protecting us.  These WODs come around randomly and are a great way to measure your progress over time.  So today was "Amanda", a "girl" workout on the girl board, not the hero board.  But, knowing the story behind "Amanda" it is hard not to treat this workout as a hero.

Read about Amanda Miller in this tribute  to an amazing CrossFit athlete.  A little over a month before Amanda Miller passed away of recurring melanoma cancer that spread to her lymph nodes she wrote on her blog, “I just competed in the CF Games less than a year ago and now I’m dying.” - Amanda Miller, March 9, 2010.  This is the first WOD dedicated to a fallen CrossFit athlete.  I read somewhere to the effect that her doctors criticized her for continuing to CrossFit while undergoing treatment for her cancer saying it was to hard and wearing on her body. She refused to listen to them knowing she had to keep her body strong and it was something she loved.  I admire her fight and strength all the way until the end of her too short life. 

So today with "Amanda" on our whiteboard I sucked it up even though I didn't feel well and tried to do as much of the workout Rx'd as I could no matter how long it took me.  I tried the Rx'd weight of 95# several times with no success.  I wasn't able to get under the bar fast enough.  My only excuse is I have always been slow at this point of the snatch and I was running from the pain I was afraid I would feel in my pelvis and shoulder.  Coach B told me to do 65# so I did 75# :-) and I did as many muscle ups as I could eek out and finished the remainder with our scaled version for the day, two chest to bar pullups + two ring dips/muscle up.  I was able to do four the first round, one the second and all five in the final round.  Everytime I got on the rings the last round I told myself to do it for Amanda.  I did 10 of the 21 muscle ups in the workout.  I am happy with that.  I think this was the most enjoyable WOD I have done in a long time and it was a great way to honor a strong, amazing woman. 

We should all push ourselves physically a little further than we think we can.  I think we are all capable of doing more than we think we can.  We hold ourselves back mentally, when physically we can reach a new level.  You have to believe in yourself.  Know your body can do it, know your body is capable, commit to reaching that next level.  Remember there are people out there pushing themselves to new limits when physically and/or mentally you would expect they couldn't.   These people believe there is nothing that can hold them back.  Don't let anything hold you back. Make the most of your life. Reach that new level.

{finding comfort in me}

This is just a "cut and paste" from my profile info on Facebook.  A friend told me this summer she loved what I wrote so I go back every now and then and see just what it was that I wrote.  Today was a good day to go back and read about me.  "I love comfort. I find it in many places."  As I read this I found that I have been seeking comfort in many of those places the past few days. It's good to be reminded of the things you write to briefly tell about yourself.  Thanks me, I needed that. 

About me, huh? I want to be strong, physically and mentally. I don't trust in myself, but want to. I love comfort. I find it in many places. My head on my husband's chest, a hug from a friend, a text, an online chat, a hot latte, a cottage, my back deck in the summertime, Milbank, SD, in the summer, my favorite desserts, my gym, my children's laughter. I don't always make the right choices. I don't always make the wrong choices. I love to see new places, but will never leave my mountains. I don't like the cold and snow. I wish I were more outgoing. I enjoy having a drink with a friend because I regret never having one with a friend that is now gone. I train hard and do what I can to perform well in the gym and get upset when people can't respect my decision to do so. I want to be happy every minute of every day. I love calm and still silence.

 My husband loves me like nobody else can. My kids teach me to be the person I want to be. My mom was the most beautiful person I have ever known. My dad is my hero. My sisters and I can laugh like nobody's business. My brother is the smartest person I know.

 CrossFit . . . Constantly Varied Functional Movements Executed at High Intensity. We specialize in not specializing. We train not to suck at life. General physical preparedness. CrossFit is for our children, grandparents, parents, elite athletes and everybody in between. We are changing lives one athlete at a time. We are building a community. Stong is the new sexy. 

"Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."

~ Aldous Huxley

{dial it in and tighten it up}

Today it REALLY begins and what a rotten week for it to begin.  Thanksgiving.  Food, food, food and a short week at the gym.  Yikes!  Today my coach says to me, "It's a big week.  We have to lose one pound!" Coach B is "going against the grain" with me and losing weight this holiday season instead of gaining.  It is so great to have somebody to be accountable to.  Posting my intentions and my progess here for all to read is also great motivation.  If I can do this during the holidays it should be a piece of cake to stay on track when it comes to nutrition the other eleven months of the year.

So, I checked my calendar to take a peek at the week and see what I have to work around and when I will fit my cheats in.  My plan was 2-3 cheats/week, but this week is going to be a little different considering Turkey Day.  I think it is obvious that my cheat is going to be on Thursday and I am laying off the lattes and saving up to have one Friday morning when my sister and I brave the craziness of Black Friday.  Tangent . . . yes, I am one of those crazy people that gets up in the middle of the night to brave the cold and the stupid crowds of people.  But, I really don't go for the deals, I don't arrive at stores an hour before they open, I don't turn my shopping trips into a CrossFit sprint workout with a steel cart, leaping over small children and narrowly missing elderly women in the waffle iron aisle.  I go because my sisters and I have been doing it almost every year since I moved back to Montana and it is fun, silly time with my sisters.  (The best part about the following pic is the lady sprouting out of my sister's head.) 

Black Friday 2009 . . . the alarm went off at 3:20 a.m.

Anyhoo, I digress!  So, back to what I was saying, my cheat is mostly reserved for Thanksgiving Day and I'm going to have a latte Friday morning.  Now even though Thanksgiving is considered my cheat I'm going to be trying some Paleo recipes to go along with Thanksgiving dinner.  I don't think my dad will buy into it so I will still be doing most of the traditional stuff, too, but I am pretty excited about this.  I am going to make some mock mashed potatoes from cauliflower (we do this occasionally and they are YU-MMY!), green beans sauteed with garlic and bacon in leu of green bean casserole and I'm trying a Paleo stuffing recipe (this is a leap for me because it has bacon and sausage in it & pork mostly gives me the heebie-jeebies) I recently found on a blog.  Don't worry I will be sharing these recipes in a future post as well as the recipes for the two things I am not even going to try to find a Paleo replacement for.  My Dad's recipe for Sweet Potato Balls and French Silk Pie.  Sometimes you just have to go with the bad stuff.

Enough with my plan for the week and onto my lunch for today.  I am going to confess that I DO NOT like to cook, I am a baker at heart.  My husband does most of the cooking and has been pretty much feeding me since we joined CrossFit Flathead about 18 months ago.  But, in my effort to eat better, more consistently I am making an effort to do my share of the cooking.  So today in between my workout and picking up at pre-school I made a mad dash to the grocery store to pick up some veggies.  I didn't have much time, but grabbed some yellow squash, zuchinni, bok choy, baby bok choy (simply because they were so cute) and mushrooms.  After I fed my son and his friend a less friendly heart-healthy lunch (you gotta do that when they have a friend over!) I got to work on my lunch and below is what I came up with. 

 

Lunch ala Trina

(I'm guessing this may be the name of many of my lunches.)

Simple really and not even worthy of being called a recipe.  I sauteed and then slightly steamed broccoli in some olive oil and chicken broth.  Next, I added red peppers and garlic, tossed in the crispy parts of the baby bok choy (really, so cute!) and the mushrooms, added a splash of low-sodium soy sauce (Gasp!  Soy sauce?!  Get over it.  I'm more primal than paleo. That's in my 20%) and then add the bok choy leaves.  I slid all that yumminess onto my plate and cooked up my chicken in some olive oil and the goodies in the bottom of the pan from the veggies.  I then weighed out 3 oz. of chicken and put it on top of my veggies, sliced up an apple (because I can't seem to eat a garden of veggies in one meal to get all my Zone blocks in so sometimes I have to add some fruit earlier in the day) and presto!  I made my own lunch!  I'm such a big girl.

So, that's what I've done so far today.  Planned my week, actually cooked a meal and stayed mostly warm (it is 8 degrees).  I hope all your goals are moving forward how you would like them to.  Only you can make them move in that direction!  Have fun preparing for Thanksgiving!

Progress report:  Diet is going pretty well today and I had a great workout this morning.  Cleans . . . I really want to work on my technique in this lift so today was perfect.  95# Cleans and Chest-to-Bar pullups, 15-12-9.  I stayed pretty steady, the weight didn't feel terribly heavy and I could feel when the lift was decent.  Learning to recognize when something is right in my own lifts has been a long, ongoing process for me.  I'm learning to pay closer attention and that makes my effort in the gym more productive.  Now if I could quit being so hard on myself the rest of the time. ;)  Quiet in the peanut gallery! :D

{you gotta have a plan}

You have to have a plan when you set any goal. With no plan you set yourself up for failure and what is the purpose in setting a goal if your chances of success are cut short right from the start.  So with that being said, I have a plan for my "Go Against the Grain" goal and really it is a pretty simple one. 

• 5 CrossFit workouts/week


• 80% Paleo/Zone diet.  Minimal grain, legumes and dairy (this is where the 20% comes in)


• Three meals and two snacks/day


• Try new Paleo and Gluten-Free recipes and post at least one/week on here.  (I have a sissy camera so pictures may or may not be included.)


• Share recipes and links and blogs that support the healthy lifestyle I choose to live.


• Drink more water


• Look at my calendar on Sundays and plan my cheat meals for the week. 2-3/week.

But,  like any well laid plan sometimes it doesn't always go as planned.  So on those days I am going to put it behind me and jump back on the wagon.  There is nothing you can do about that empty bag of Boy Scout Chocolate Covered Caramel Corn once it is empty. ;) (If you ask me about this later I will feign ignorance!)  Put it behind you, be disciplined and pick right up where you left off.  There is no waiting for Monday to get back on track.  The next meal is where you get back on track.

Progress Report:  I stepped on the scale this morning so I know where I am starting at to track my progress.  Today was so-so.  I didn't eat as much as I should have, nor did I drink enough water.  I'm still not feeling 100% from my migraine yesterday and nothing sounded good and when I did eat it upset my stomach. :(  What I did eat fell in my 80% of good whole foods, so it could have been worse.  But I still have time to drink more water and get some rest before tomorrow's WOD.  I'm guessing I'll need it! (I just checked out tomorrow's WOD at CrossFit Flathead, "CrossFit Total". Yes, I will need the rest. Ugh!)

My workout felt great despite still having some slight side effects from the migraine.  I pulled the garbage can over by my rower just in case because the warmup didn't leave me feeling that confident that my protein shake would stay down.  But, stay down it did and "go down" went my 500m row times from February.  Total I took 54 seconds off my 4x500m row.  I'll take it and run, well, er, row????  So one day post-migraine+lack of sleep+lack of food+slightly dehydrated=PR.  I can't wait until I'm feeling 100%!  I don't recommend that little equation to success in the gym.  Today was a fluke, it rarely works in my favor.

So, what goals have you set for yourself?  Make them challenging, but at the same time they should be attainable.  Be disciplined and reach your goals.  You will be stronger in the end for it!

 "Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination."  ~Fitzhugh Dodson

 

{going against the grain}

While doing a little search on the good 'ole Google machine today I was surprised to see that research has shown that the average person gains only about one pound during the holidays.  This is contrary to popular belief that a person will gain 5-10 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  One pound is far better than 5-10, but really no weight gain is even better.  One pound isn't much, but this becomes a problem when this pound is never taken off and these "one pound" holidays start to add up.

I workout very consistently and hard and I try to eat well at least 80% of the time.  But, I am going to confess that I have had a bad food attitude as of late and I haven't been eating all that well.  (Damn those Boy Scouts and their Chocolate Covered Caramel Corn!)  So, in true Trina form, this holiday season I am going to go against the grain of holiday weight gain and lose a couple of pounds before the New Year.  I know I am going to get some of the same remarks I always get when I say I want to lose a couple of pounds, "You don't need to lose weight!"  I do when the weight is body fat and not muscle and I know where I want my body fat percentage to lie.  I consider myself a CrossFit athlete like everybody else in our gym.  I want my body fat to represent the athlete I strive to be in the gym.  Body fat percentage for an athlete is 14-20%.  I am on the high-end of this, possibly one percentage off.  It isn't about losing weight because I think I am overweight, it is about losing body fat that is keeping me from performing at my best in the gym and it is losing body fat as a result of eating food that is healthy and good for my body.  I am the only one that can take care of my body and make sure it lives a long life free of disease.   This doesn't mean I probably won't enjoy some holiday treats, because a healthy lifestyle is about enjoying life, as well.  I strive for about an 80% Paleo/Zone diet.  I'm working on eliminating dairy, but that has been a struggle as it is perfect latte season with Winter descending upon Montana.  So that will have to remain part of the 20% of my diet.

So tomorrow I "go against the grain" and will work hard to go against what the general population does.  I will lose while they gain and in being a loser I will win! :-)

Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports.
~Greg Glassman

{you just have to try it}

I can't count the number of times somebody has asked me what CrossFit is or what is is about.  I could talk all day about CrossFit and what it has done for me, Tony, our family, but, I almost hate this question because I don't think you can explain it and have a person really understand it.  I always say, "You have to try it."  You have to experience the sense of accomplishment when you have completed a hard workout or when you have moved a crazy amount of weight.  You have to experience the sense of community that you will  never find at a typical gym.  You have to experience the encouragement of your coach especially when he knows just when you need it and what you need to hear.  You have to experience your coach never letting you give up even when a skill or workout has reduced you to tears (yes, I speak from experience. . . cleans, rowing, muscle ups and clean and jerks have all made me cry on occasion).  You have to experience the mass pain and misery of "Fran".  You have to experience the encouragement and cheers from your fellow athletes when you are struggling to finish a workout or when you are pushing yourself to reach a new PR.  You have to experience a fellow athlete demolish a benchmark workout or get a PR.  You just have to experience CrossFit to understand.

Today I came across a link to Practice CrossFit's website and an entry from June 17.  I am borrowing this and reposting here for all to read.  Each and every one of these reasons is why I train . . . why I train at CrossFit Flathead.   

QUOTED WORD FOR WORD FROM PRACTICE CROSSFIT

-I train in a box. It has walls...sometimes. Sometimes we go outside. Sometimes we meet elsewhere. Its not the location I value, its the people.

-I train in an open space, because bars and my training partners fly everywhere. There is not equipment in the way, only my friends near me as we all struggle together, and are rewarded all the same.

-I train in a warehouse with no air conditioning and big garage doors. If you didn't know where it was, you would never find it. There is no sign outside. The signs of training are all inside, working, or helping one another.

-I train where advertising is sacrilege. I train where I am a walking advertisement.

-I train with people I truly enjoy, and would do anything for, not where I need to put ear phones in to block out all the annoying banter. When we go, we hear yells, trainers instructing, or loud ass music making us go even harder...not elevator bullshit. Real music.

-I train in a place where if I am negative, I will be addressed by at least one person about my stupid ass attitude, and if I am unlucky enough on that day, I may be asked to leave, and come back when Im better, because I am effecting the core by my stupid ass baggage that is meant to be burned at the door.

-I train where if I want to keep my shirt on I can....but there are no rules saying I have to. Where I train if someone disrobes to any level, wears short ass shorts, or is quasi naked after a WOD thats fine...no attention will be paid, because its all about the training, not about meat markets. If you want a pick up joint, look elsewhere.

-I train where Im valued and truly appreciate for showing up and putting forth true, real, demanding effort.

-I train where I am judged on my movements and attitude everyday. Not because my friends are assholes, because they truly want to make me better at life, and want success for me not injury. A piss poor performance means someone will care enough to help me make it better, and find out why it happened to begin with.

-I train in a place void of gossip. Rumors are unwelcome at all times and if I was stupid enough to ever spout anything negative, or even just not positive about one of my training partners, or any other training location for that matter, I would be crucified on the spot, by any and all in ear shot. Drama queens are eaten alive where I train.

-I train where everyone applauds when I do well, and I applaud for them.

-I train where justification is lucifer, and honesty is gospel. For if I lie, I only fail myself.

-I train where I am confronted everyday by food Nazis who wont allow me to eat shit and call it gold. Where I train we call bad, bad, quality, quality and everything in between sub-par. Where I train life happens, the difference is, here I have to confront my downfalls and improve not hide them away for tomorrow.

-I train to be better at life. The unknown and unknowable. To one day be able to help someone less fortunate than I. To be able to be moving on my own when I'm old and gray, not being moved.

-I train because I want the mirror to be an outward reflection of how I feel inside, which is pretty damn good, and I want it to stay that way.

-I train because laziness sickens me, and preventable disease is exactly that...preventable through effort, not medication.

-I train to be different than those before me. To go out swinging, not resting. To live valiantly, not cowardly.

-I train where the floor could double as a pool at times because people actually work hard. I don't care, that's how it should be.

-I train with football players, grandmas, kids, housewives, doctors.

 -I train with people of every walk of life, and if I cared about status...someone would make me leave.

-I train where education daily is paramount, and if I'm not a constant student, I will fail quickly.

-I train where we are all equal, because we truly are. The only thing that separates people is the attitude to believe this is true or not. The ones who believe they are better than others, are so much better....they aren't allowed to train with me.

-I train with people that make my day better.

-I train in a place where I want to be, not a place I feel I have to be.

-I train under expectations. Expectations to be better than yesterday. 

-I train in a community dedicated to the whole. The success of the many. this is the reason we all change and progress so fast. Where I train its not about "I"....its about "us"

I train....what the hell do you do?

Thank you Practice CrossFit for putting all the right words in my mouth.  I couldn't have said it better.

{lift like a girl}

So life at the gym continues after returning from regionals.  My first training cycle is awesome!!!  I just get to CrossFit, just do the WODs as Rx'd.  No Russian powerlifting cycles.  No two-a-days. No THREE-a-days.  No handstand pushups. No muscle ups.  No going balls-to-the-wall all the time.  I just get to CrossFit.  Ahhhhhh . . . To some this alone sounds like hell.  To me it is like a fresh breeze on a hot summer day.  I'm not saying it is easy in the gym, but it is a nice change of pace from the six months leading up to regionals.  It's a nice break for my body both mentally and physically.

Though I don't feel like I have to go all out, balls to the wall on the workouts I feel I am still working very hard and seeing some times on my MetCons that I am happy with.  I am still working on decreasing my rest time and continually remember two things I have been told regarding rest in a WOD. 

• "Rest when you are done!" ~ Coach Buf


• "I know you can't breathe, but nobody else can either!" Judge at regionals

Point taken.  Oxygen is overrated and I can catch up on my oxygen debt at a later time. 

My favorite part of being at the gym is working on my strength.  Though I'm not concentrating on gaining strength right now I am pushing myself.  I have missed our last two CrossFit totals so I really don't know what my 1RMs are.  On the books I know they are lower than what I can actually do so I'm pushing myself.  When calculating weights for various lifting days I pick a weight that I anticipate I can do in a 1RM or where I WANT TO BE.  It has been working well and I've been so excited to see my numbers.  A few weeks ago in a 5x5 front squat I did a sixth set and did 135 because 125 moved easily.  Last week 5x5 back squats, my last set was 185, 10# lighter than the last time I actually did a back squat for a PR.  This week.  Ahhh, this week.  This week was 5x5 deadlift.  My deadlift has been stuck at 225# for nearly 6 months and, honestly, it was downright pissing me off.  I pulled it five times in a 5x5, but have not been able to get even a 5# PR in any other workout.  So Tuesday we get a little treat of a 5x5.  I told Coach B that I WAS going to PR today so he let me do the lift a little bit differently than the rest of the class.  I started at one weight and added 10# for each set, ending with where I wanted to PR, 235#.  Well, I started pulling at 195 and low and behold I worked my way up to a 10# PR and pulled it 5 times!!!!!  It's about damn time!!!  So while I was so, so excited that I finally got a PR there is a downside to my story.  I tore up my back. :(  I strained my back muscles big time.  So, after a couple days rest, a couple trips to the chiropractor, some deep tissue massage, a tape job, a nice layer of BioFreeze and plenty of icing I'm on the mend.  I was able to do a very light workout today that still taxed my body a bit, but at the same time it loosened my muscles and helped me feel a bit normal.  The work felt good.  So after a nice three day weekend and some walking around with the fam I think I will be feeling pretty good by Tuesday and hopefully it will be fun and games as usual.  Well, except for deadlifts.  I think I will give deadlifts a break for a couple weeks.  Oh, and I think I will throw a massage in for good measure.  Okay, maybe that is just because I want one, but it will be good for my back, too!

Gaining strength is one of the best thing we, the female population, can do for ourselves.  It builds lean muscles & dense bones, it gives us heightened self-confidence, a sense of achievement when we meet our goals, and the list goes on and on!  So go forth ladies, fuel your bodies well, work hard, drink lots of water and

LIFT LIKE A GIRL!

{sectionals 2011}

Eleven months until the CrossFit North Central Sectionals. This time I have nearly a year to train instead of cramming it into five months. I feel like I am in a good place in my strength and conditioning heading into this year training. I am going to try to stay current on this blog and document my journey through this year. I am going to try to do well with my training diet (I do a Zoned Paleo of sorts. I am not strict with this because #1 I have a life & I‘m a busy mom of three #2 I enjoy some of my favorite foods every now and then, and #3 I have a life & I‘m a busy mom of three), I am going to cook more, try more Paleo recipes and share them on here, train hard everyday I am in the gym, I’m going to tighten up my Olympic lifting technique, I am going to read more about my sport and articles that support what I am doing, I’m going to rest and breathe later during workouts and I’m going to push past that last rep that I squeeze out and do two more.

I will probably vent and gripe on here at times, I will sing my praises at times, I will encourage all my likeminded readers to continue on their healthy eating/CrossFit path, I will moan about my soar muscles, etc., etc. Here is where I will lay it all out. If you choose to follow my journey I thank you for taking the time to peek into my world. I am very excited about what these next eleven months have in store for me.  P.S.  For this new year of adventures I changed my blog design . . . simple pleasures! :)

“Strength is Beauty”

 

{like no other}

 

Last weekend I had the amazing privilege to compete in the CrossFit North Central Regional Qualifier. In late March I placed 20^th at sectionals allowing me to move on to compete at Regionals. So for the next five weeks, with the meticulous and genius programming by Coach B, I trained and trained hard for the next step. (Okay, let me just say that there was one Saturday that I just couldn’t give it my all in my first workout. After, I apologized to my coach and told him that I just didn’t care today. Hahaha! He gave me a smile and a nod and said, “That’s okay.” J ) That next step seemed to come pretty quickly! So Tony and I made arrangements for childcare, Tony got up-to-speed on coaching me, workouts were strategized (is that a word?), travel arrangements were made and we were off to Regionals in Castle Rock, CO.

We started our competition experience by cheering on friends in the team competition on Friday. Everybody did great and it is so wonderful to watch everybody working so hard and putting to use the hard training they had been putting in. I started my competition at 8:00 Saturday morning, WOD #1 “The Lift” max floor to overhead, however you wanted to get it there. It didn’t have to be pretty (which is good, because my technique on Oly lifts is mostly not pretty!), it just had to get there. Four ladies on one platform with 25 minutes to get your max. I got a PR of 15# and clean and jerked 130#!!!!! Holy crap! That is a lot of weight to hold over your head. WooooooHoooooo! What a great start to the day! WOD #2 “The Run“. 1400m, not a sprint, not endurance. Chose your pace wisely and give it your all . . . AND don’t get passed by the person that started one minute after you! At 10:11 am I was given the “3-2-1-Go!” I had two songs on my iPod to run to. I knew I wouldn’t need the full two songs so I chose two that make me want to work hard and fast, “Riot” and “Slow Drain”. Off I go! Slow down right away so I don’t bite it on the slight grassy/rocky downhill and take off on the paved path. I finished with a strong sprint in 5:41. Awesome! I’ll take it. That is a 6:21 per/mile pace. I’m guessing I could have kept up that pace for one mile and one mile only! Lol WOD #3 “The Triplet” 500m row- 12 OHS w/ 75# - 50 Double Unders - 3 rounds for time, 15 minute cap. When they released this WOD I thought, that is pretty doable. A friend sent me a message that simply said, “Famous last words!” You know what? He was absolutely right! This workout was brutal. Not just to myself, but to the masses. This workout alone eliminated 22 out of 51 women! Every workout is evil in it’s own way, for me that “way” was the row. I fell apart on the row. However, I battled through and finished in 14:55!!!! Just barely under the timecap, but that is plenty of time for me to move onto the final WOD on Sunday!

Sunday, new day, new competition. Going into Sunday I was in 28^th place. I’m going be honest withl all my readers, I had a meltdown Saturday night. I was tired (I turn into a 3-year-old when I am tired), weary, the discovery of a lump on the back of my knee had me freaked out (don’t worry, I found out it isn’t serious) and the final WOD freaked me out. WOD #4 (I’ll call it The Chipper) had a 20 minute timecap. 10 Snatches @ 95# (5# under my 1 RM) - 20 Chest-to-Bar Pullups - 30 stick jumps, 20” - 40 Ball Slams, 30# (never done those before!), 30 stick jumps - 20 Chest-to-Bar Pullups - 10 Snatches @ 95#. OM-freakin’-G! So this WOD made me cry Saturday night. I went to bed and woke up doing the Snatch in my head and I still couldn’t make it look right. By the time I crawled out of bed I decided all I could do was plug away at each and every rep and laugh at myself when it got ugly. . . And “got ugly” it did! I missed many of the first 10 reps and took over five minutes to finish them. By the time I got to the pullup bar I was the ONLY one on there and one gal even hopped up for her SECOND set of pullups while I was plugging away at my first. All I could do is smile and shake my head. I have to say I rocked the stick jumps and for never doing ball slams I did well on those. I eventually made it back to the Snatches. Whew! Big deep breath, pick up the bar and GO! GO! GO! GO! GO Holy crap! I’m not missing any! Oops! Missed that one! Breathe . . . GO! GO! GO! GO! TIME! Damn! Well, if you counted correctly you will see that time was called with only one snatch left!!!! I battled it to the end and came one rep short of posting a place at the North Central Regionals. You know what? I have only been with CrossFit for 13 ½ months. I will take that!!! Had I got that one snatch I would have placed 24^th!! That is only four places lower than I placed at sectionals. I’m proud of that.

Here are my three favorite things of the weekend: 

• 
  
  My husband. Tony came with me to watch me do my thing, be my number one supporter and to coach me and he performed amazingly wearing each of those hats. He got choked up after my third WOD when he looked around at the crowd cheering for me when I busted through my final skills to barely move onto day two. He stepped out of husband role and coached me perfectly. So perfectly that we have very few pictures because he was to nervous and anxious to remember to pass my camera to a friend or take any pics himself. Thank you, babe, I love you! 


• 
  
   My coach and dear friend, Buf. Buf coached me over the phone every morning, before, right before and right after every WOD. Words of encouragement, words of praise, words of pure strategy for every workout. He knows exactly how I workout and what I can do even when I don’t. I posted a Facebook status that said it all, “With your coach’s confidence you can move mountains.” I didn’t quite move the mountain I had hoped, but I did indeed move a big mountain! I would NOT be where I am today in the gym and personally if it wasn’t for Buf. Thank you! 


• 
  
  My support network. This included friends and family via text, FB, phone, etc, friends from the Denver area (friends that I might add I never would have met had it not been for CrossFit) & my fellow CrossFit Flathead competitor that cheered me on during every WOD, friends and family back home in the gym that did the regionals workouts right along with me throughout the day and cheered for me when we would call with updates and friends and family that were so gracious to help us out watching our kids back home so Tony could travel with me . . . Colette, Greg and Cammi and my dad. To all these people that supported me in some way, shape or form. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are all amazing people and so dear to me!

If you CrossFit and ever have the chance sign up and compete in some sort of CrossFit competition, do it! I have competed in quite a few physical competitions of sorts and there is NOTHING more amazing and inspiring than a CrossFit competition. The CrossFit community is like no other. The support and encouragement is like no other. The personal accomplishments are like no other. The friends you make through CrossFit are like other.

CrossFit is like NO other.

{changing lives. one athlete at a time.}

Sectionals.  I jump the morning plane to Denver on March 18th, one day after my one-year anniversary of joining CrossFit.  For me that is a big day.  Eleven months ago I thought I was in shape.  January 2009, I recommitted myself to consistent weight training and cardio (gasp!).  So fourish times a week I would drag myself to a local gym that I had been a member at for eight years.  Drop my little guy off at the gym childcare for two hours and make my journey down and up 65 steps (I know this because I counted one time after hauling my pregnant self up and down those stairs through 8 1/2 months of pregnancy.  Nobody should have to haul 29 extra pounds up and down 65 steps on a near daily basis.  AFTER a "workout") to the "cardio mezzanine" for  my 45 minute date with the elliptical trainer.  Around and around and around my feet would go in perfect little ellipses.  iPod plugged into a station on one of the four flat-screen plasma tvs.  Damn straight, zone out watching something mindless on tv because 45 minutes on an elliptical trainer is bo-ring, my friends!  After that down the stairs for some weight training.  Leg presses, lat pulldowns, bicep curls, lateral raises, tricep kickbacks.  Oh baby, we're working now!  2 1/2 months into my consistent cardio/weight training and no results I hear again about this "garage gym" CrossFit.  I'm very intrigued and immediately think, "Tony would love that!"  I also thought, "So would I", but I have been going to this other gym for over eight years, I've been happy there, but Tony doesn't use it at all.  CrossFit is where he should go so he will start working out.  So Tony joins on Monday, March 9th (you remember days that change your life), and after every one-on-one I would greet him at the door in a state of giddiness anxiously waiting to hear what he got to do for his workout.  On Saturday, I went with Tony to his one-on-one session to check out the gym, suspiciosly wearing workout clothes. ;) And it worked!  I was asked to join in on a workout to see what it was like!  Oh-My-Freakin'-God!  I signed up on Monday and ended my eight-year relationship with my "comfortable" gym!  I stepped into CrossFit Flathead as a member on March 17 (again, you remember days your life changed) and I have never looked back.  One hour/day, five days/week and I am in the best shape of my life, more confident, a strong woman and I get to workout with my family everyday.  The best part is Tony loves it!  He found something that he loves that will keep his heart and body healthy.  I love it!  I can do things that I never thought I would do.  I do pullups (yes, kipping  pullups, for you nay-sayers!), I can do five strict pullups in a row, 10 ringdips, I can deadlift 225 pounds and squat 195.  I can do a clean and jerk and I'm finally figuring out the snatch.  I am olympic lifting people!  Who knew!  I did a musc le up!  In a single workout I ran two miles and did 100 pullups, 200 pushups and 300 squats.  Who does that?  A CrossFitter!  I do workouts that make me look like I have been in a bar fight.  Bruised collar bones from cleans, bruised shins and knees from deadlifts, scraped up shins from missing a boxjump, bruised chin and chipped tooth from missing a push jerk.  I love the CrossFit battle wounds.

But putting all the physical accomplishments aside, the best part about our gym is the community and our coaches.  I always say our gym is 90% the people and 10% the workouts.  The people we have met in the past year are amazing and have become our CrossFit family.  How many of you go to your gym and everybody knows your name and greets you when you walk in the door?  How many of you go to your gym and you are cheered on and encouraged through your workout by a fellow gym member/friend?  How many of you go to a gym and as you are finishing a workout that is kicking your ass a friend, who has already finished the workout, steps in and works out next to you until you finish so you don't quit?  How many of you go to your gym and your coach gives you a huge hug because he can tell by looking at you that you NEED that hug?  How many of you go to a gym that heals your soul and helps you battle your demons?  How many of you go to a gym where the owners open their arms to you and make you feel like family?  If you don't get any of that at your gym, you are missing out.  Everyday at our gym is making us stronger.  Mentally and physically.  We are all better people for stepping into CrossFit Flathead.  There is no place on this planet where I would rather spend my time, working out and becoming a better person.  CrossFit Flathead is changing lives, one athlete at a time.  Thank you Coach B and Coach D!  You changed my life!

So what are you waiting for? 3-2-1-GO!

{paleo shmaleo}

Damn. I'm eating Paleo with some Zone thrown in for good measure. I didn't want to be one of those people, but here I am. It really isn't a far cry from how we ate before, but it does require a little more diligence, prep, and cutting out of a few more food items. I'm okay with that. After a few weeks of tightening up my diet (still not perfect) I can tell a difference in the gym and THAT, my friends, I like! I am not going to preach the wonders of the food I eat or push it on you. This is just how I choose to fuel my body. . . for the most part. I still enjoy my favorite things. I just have to plan for them now, though, sometimes I have to admit I don't even do that. Okay, enough of that. Now onto the real reason I sat down to write this post . . . an amazing Paleo meal!

So, a few weeks ago I started following an amazing blog by a likeminded CrossFitter, Primal Mama Cooks. Her blog has great recipes with pictures, is written by a very down-to-earth busy mom (busy I understand) and is very entertaining to boot. Many times I read her posts and do, in fact, laugh out loud and then read it to my hubby so I can giggle somemore. For Valentine's Day we chose one of her recipes and cooked it together in the kitchen (duh, huh. Of course, the kitchen). It was a-maaaaaa-zing! Wow! Lemon Chicken on Cauliflower Mash. M-m-m-m-m! Not only was it delicious when done cooking it was gorgeous marinading. When does that happen?! Standing in your kitchen drooling over raw chicken in a gallon zip-lock? You know you are in for a treat when that happens! Witness the drool-fest below. How gorgeous is that?

Marinating Beauty

Onto the cauliflower mash. I have seen this suggested as a replacement for mashed potatoes many times, but never took the time to try it. Not because I don't like cauliflower, probably because I was just too lazy to try something new. But, tonight I set lazy aside and we tried it. What a treat and the best part, the kids ate it! Okay, the girls loved it, Tyler not so much. (80% of our household gave a new recipe a thumbs up? I call that a success!) Mashed cauliflower, carmelized onions (I think we will cut way back on the onions next time), garlic. Oh, what isn't to love? And the chicken, I can't say enough about how easy it was and oh so good. You can get this chicken ready in the marinade in minutes in the morning and be ready to cook come dinner time. Open your ziplock, dump in olive oil, cut two lemons in half, squeeze the juice in (Don't bother throwing the lemons away, toss them in, too!), chop up parsley, mince up garlic, throw in the chicken, seal 'er up and your dinner is on it's way to yummy!

Paleoliciousness!

We will definitely be making this again. We decided the marinade would probably be good with fish, also. That may be next on our experiment list. I'm not much of a cook in the kitchen, but I've found that I need to become one if I am going to make eating Paleo a part of our lives. It has to taste good to stick with it. I don't think I will get too competent in the kitchen though because Tony is pretty good at it and I would hate to take away the breakfast he makes me every morning or the dinners that he prepares because I didn't quite get to it. :) That is just smart thinkin' ladies!

{"fo" food scale}

I read this on another blog and it made me laugh.  This is exactly what I have done with food since I have started taking my training diet more seriously.  What is an "FO Food Scale" you ask?  Well, first of all, FO is stands for f-off.  Sorry if that offends you, but there is no way to make it pretty for the ears.  As for the "FO Food Scale"  this is how I have started to rank food.  If you make a line graph "Health" on the vertical axis and "F-Off" on the horizontal axis I can easily show you where a food stands with me.  Take spinach.  I know spinich is very healthy for me.  I don't really care for spinach, but I eat it because I know I should.  So this ranks high on the healthy axis and low on the "FO" axis.  Low on my "FO" scale.  Next lets look at sweet potatoes.  Yes, sweet potatoes provide many nutritional benefits, but they don't fit into my training diet because of their glycemic load, more carbs and sugars than I want.  I eat them moderately.  I like them, but know I can choose something better for my diet.  So this ranks right in the middle of "healthy", right in the middle of "FO".  I don't really feel strongly about sweet potatoes either way.  You can stay, you can go.  Now for my favorite group of foods.  I love flavored lattes or tea lattes.  But, I don't want all the sugar so I go with sugar-free which is flavored with Splenda.  A lab made chemical that is sure to eat at my insides and cause cancer in laboratory rats, but you know what I say, "FO".  Desserts, chocoloate is best.  I love baked goods of the chocolate kind.  I really do limit my intake of them, but I will have a small bit of something everyday if it is around.  Again, "FO".  Corona Light or a Diet Coke with Malibu.  Alcohol, not good for the serious training diet,  "FO".  To make this one even more enjoyable, the diet coke is loaded with sweeteners.  All of these fall very low on the "Healthy" scale, but very high on the "FO" scale.  I have decided that I train hard and try to eat well, but for the sake of my sanity and to enjoy life these few things get to tag along on my Zone/Paleo way of eating.  Little hitchhikers on my diet that make me smile when I pick them up. 

So I encourage you to make your own little "FO" scale and decide what doesn't matter and what really matters.  Food should be enjoyed and I intend to enjoy some more than others . . . without the guilt.

{rest when you are done}

There are about seven weeks left until Sectionals in Golden, CO.  My training started with a couple months of sheer anxiety.  What the hell was I thinking?  I can't compete like this, the unknown, the strength required, I can't compete with the women that will be there.   I've competed in other fitness endeavors.  Several half-marathons and a figure competition.  No problem I knew what to expect when I got there.  Run 13.1 miles.  Stand on stage in a bikini and pose.  But the games?  Yikes.  Not knowing what I will have to do until the night before terrifies me.  What if I'm not strong enough?  What if it is one of the couple skills I can't do yet?  What if it is a weight I am just short of moving?  What if it is a skill that I am not quite as skilled at?  I have decided for all of those concerns all I can do is continue to train, eat well and do my best.  Instead, my coach has me working on the weakest part of my game.  It isn't the strength, that is coming along nicely.  It isn't the mastery of skills.  That is repetition and I still have time to improve.  What is holding me back from my potential?  My mental game.  I have to strengthen my mental game.  When the lactic acid has built up in my quads and shoulders and I can't do one more  thruster I have to do five more.  When I can't breathe because I feel like my body is going at my body's version of the speed of light, I push through it and keep going.  Oxygen is overrated.  I have figured out that as bad as it feels when you are on your 13th rep and you can't breathe it feels worse when you stop and it is harder to start again than it is to keep going.  I just now realized that is what I always say about running.  I never stop in the middle of a run because it hurts worse to stop and start than to just keep going.  A slow jog, or slog, is faster than walking.  A slow squat is faster than stopping to catch your breath.  So I am learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable.  I try to imagine my coach or my husband in my ear telling me not to stop.  I try to remember that the fewer times I stop to rest the sooner I will finish and get to rest.  So I try to live by the words of a very wise man . . .

"YOU CAN REST WHEN YOU ARE DONE!"

~Coach Buf