{be one with the turtle, be the turtle}

If you have been following my blog you may remember awhile back prior to surgery I posted my first "I'm pissed off at cancer" post. This post may be similar. You have been warned. It may sound a little "woe is me"or a little pity party-ish, so be it. This was my day and thank goodness this isn't my everyday. This is the stage of grieving, recovery, whatever it is that I am in. How many stages are there? I don't know, I feel like I am at stage three of 47.

Today while on my way to the gym I side tracked and went for a little drive. One because I had time to kill and, two, I didn't want to go to the gym. So I did what I have been doing more frequently as of late, I put off walking into the gym as long as I can. Sometimes I drive around, take the long way to the gym or I sit in the parking lot waiting until the last possible minute. Going to the gym is killing me right now. Our gym used to be this amazing sanctuary for me full of steel bars, heavy plates to throw around, rings to throw yourself around in, a pull-up complex to bust out chest-to-bar pull ups, etc. Now it is just an "in your face" reminder of what I can't do. Movements that seem a far off dream. I KNOW I should be seeing all the things I CAN do, but right now I'm just seeing red. Of course, I do know that someday I will be able to do all of this again just because I imagine/hope someday my body will feel "normal". Even though everyday it feels like it never will. I told a friend this last week and I started crying. But, honestly I can't see that day. I can't even imagine getting there, it is so far away I can't imagine that day. My subconscious must know I will get there because I had a dream last week that I was doing chest-to-bar pull ups. So I drove around today just thinking about this and all of a sudden this thought popped into my struggling head, "breast cancer has crushed my spirit" and I started to tear up. I didn't want cancer to do that, but right now it feels like it has and damn it if Mother Nature didn't jump in the mix and make it gloomy and rainy today. Thanks for that.

Yesterday we had the first WOD for CrossFit Lethbridge's 1st Annual Collaborative Challenge. A friendly competition featuring one workout/week for four weeks to post your score and compete against athletes from a handful of CrossFits. There were three different levels you could compete at Rx/Scale #1/Scale #2. Every time I thought about going to the gym yesterday I started crying. I DID NOT want to participate. I waited until the very last minute to decide if I was going or not. I know that during these four weeks I won't even be able to do the #2 scaled workout. This bugs the hell out of me, sad I know. REALLY, I KNOW!!! I can't participate at ANY level. I know the important thing is that I am moving right now. But, that doesn't even feel good right now. All of this (not being able to perform how I want to, being limited, feeling so bad about it, not being rational) makes me sooooo mad right now and it makes me want to punch breast cancer right between the eyes. Thanks for taking away something I love so much and make me fight and claw my way back to trying to find that love again. I just may sit out the rest of these competition WODs. I've been thinking about it. The workouts weigh too heavy on me right now. Maybe a little more equipment at home so I can do more workouts at home in private. Maybe a little creative therapy at my sewing machine instead. Maybe a little more vodka and whiskey in my daily routine. Maybe wine. ;) Maybe cutting a deal with Father Time. I haven't quite decided what would dull the frustration. Thank goodness for my husband, gym community and coaches or I wouldn't be going to the gym at all.

Last week I got this card from my new friend, C.

Immediately I loved the picture of the turtle with what could be her little turtle boobies wrapped in an ace bandage. Inside was a witty note, which I have come to love about C, and the following Hallmarkism: "It's not the speed that matters. It's the getting there." The week prior to receiving this card I had been telling her how my biggest struggle is with my impatient nature. I've never been one for patience. Big flaw when you have a long road to recovery in front of you and the end seems nowhere in sight. Day-to-day feels like an eternity while time flies by for everybody else. Much like when you are pregnant and everybody can't believe that you are already eight months along when you feel like you are barely nearing the end of an elephant's 22 month gestation period. Will. It. Ever. End? Of course, it will, just not soon enough. Never soon enough. So, she read this card and immediately thought of me and my struggle with patience. I recite this little quote to myself many times throughout the day. I haven't yet been able to fully embrace it, but I am trying and I want to SO badly. So from here on out I will wake and start my day with visions of myself as a turtle. :) Be the turtle, be the turtle, be the turtle. My new mantra. Maybe even start to imagine that fine hard turtle shell and allowing myself to tuck myself inside it when I feel like I need a break from all of my "stuff" that sometimes feels like too much. A little mental break inside my cozy turtle shell. I have to say that darn little shell is a fine place to get stuck, too. So many times I feel like a turtle that cancer has mockingly put on it's back to sit there, stuck in one place, struggling to get upright and see the world the right way. Luckily, I have friends and family and, somewhere deep inside, my own determination to get myself flipped over and able to move forward. I'm sure that day is coming soon where I can see the world right-side-up and start moving forward at a slow, yet steady pace.

"It's not the speed that matters. It's the getting there". . . Amen!

Totally random because this post needs to end on a light note. Two of my favorite words because they are just fun to say: trifecta and wonky. I told you! Totally random! :) Also, I started this post early this afternoon. After blogging and ranting and raving and venting I actually feel a little better. The therapy of a blog. :)

{baby, it's chili out}

So I got on the ball Saturday night and made out a menu for the week. If I stay on task I should be trying 5-6 new recipes this week which will make for some nice recipes to share on here and a few boring pictures taken with my phone because my phone takes better pics than my camera. Sad, I know.

The first superstar in my weekly menu is chili. I found this recipe on one of my new favorite blogs, The Clothes Make the Girl. This girl can cook AND she wrote a roller derby book from her days as a roller derby girl. That has nothing to do with cooking, but I love that! Everybody should dress like a roller derby girl once in awhile... just saying. On Halloween, perhaps?! ;)

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes, chili! Yummo! This is the perfect cold weather meal, which unfortunately here in Montana we can enjoy with the perfect cold weather until about late June. I need to find a gluten-free, Paleo friendly cornbread style bread to enjoy with this. I love chili and cornbread, but alas, I bid farewell to my cornbread in exchange for good health. Bye-bye cornmeal. Oh, cornbread with honey. . . I will miss you cornbread.

We haven't tried this recipe out on our two youngest kids. It might be a bit spicier than my little guy will like and I know that addition of sauteed squash to the recipe would send him running. My oldest liked it, but I expected she might. Spicy and chili are her thing. I have never put cocoa in a chili recipe even though the whole "mole" thing is right up my Mexican alley. So that was a fun and yummy addition to this cold weather treat and made me feel like throwing on a zarape and sombrero and do a little happy hat dance in my kitchen! (That's your little bit of useless information for the day!) Tony sauteed up extra zucchini and put it in the bottom of our bowls before dishing up our chili. I know I would love this over sweet potatoes so I will be having that next time I heat myself up some of these leftovers. Btw, leftovers were even better than the first night. All those spices had time to meld and work their little spice magic. I love that about spices! The ability to live harmoniouly as one happy little spice collective for the good of the whole. Behold, Mel's Favorite Chili and now Trina's Favorite Chili.

Mel's Favorite Chili
Makes about 6 servings of 1 1/3 cups each
Zone: 3P + 2F + 1C
Weight Watchers: 5 points, includes 1 healthy fat serving

Ingredients:
The base:
2 tablespoons of your favorite fat: olive oil, coconut oil
2 onions, chopped
4 cloves garlic, crushed
2 lbs. ground meat (lean beef, pork, turkey, veal, bison, or a mix)

Spices:
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 tablespoons ground cumin
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon allspice
1 teaspoon salt

Liquids:
14.5 oz. can chopped tomatoes (I like Muir Glen fire-roasted.)
6 oz. tomato paste
14.5 oz. can beef broth
12 oz. water

Directions:
1.Heat the oil in a large soup pot. Add onions and saute 'til soft. Add garlic and let heat 'til fragrant, about 2 minutes. DO NOT BURN THE GARLIC. Add the meat and saute until browned and crumbled.

2. Blend all the spices in a small bowl. Add to pot and stir well, about 1 minute.

3. Add the tomatoes, tomato paste, beef broth, and water to the pot. Stir well.

4. Bring to a boil, then turn the heat to low so the pot has a gentle simmer. SIMMER FOR AT LEAST 2 HOURS. Do not skimp on the simmer. Just as rest time is the magic time when you build your strength, simmering is the magic time when the flavors meld.

Variations:
Add additional quality fats with some chopped black olives, green olives, or avocado slices (or all three!).

Add more veggies by serving over a bed of cooked spaghetti squash, grated zucchini, or baby spinach leaves.

{six weeks and counting}

It has been over a week since I last posted on here and, oh, how I have missed you my little friend! I constantly have ideas of things I want to blog. Some I write down so I don't forget, most are just a fleeting thought and they are gone and some are just worthless so I let them "flush" from my brain. Instead of going to my list of blog ideas I decided to just blog about something kind of recent. My six week follow up appointment last week with my plastic surgeon and other "stuff" in this LONG six weeks.

My appointment went well. I had the usual topless pictures taken against a pretty teal wall in the examining room. Look straight ahead, diagonal to the left, face the wall to the left, face the door, face diagonal to the right. Much like a naked mugshot I expect. I swear I have never had a mugshot taken so this is only speculation on my part. Also, from what I have seen on tv, mugshots are not usually done in the buff. At least not on the shows I watch. Late night on Showtime may be another story, um, not that I would know. ;) Haha! So after my glamour shots were taken I sat and waited for my doctor to come on in. This is always a highlight of my appointments, when my doctor walks in. This wonderful lady has a funky style all her own and I can't wait to see what she is wearing for the day. Thursday she had on a pretty mild outfit, not a space cadet outfit like she actually referred to her choice of clothing. I love it! Thursday was a cute, black shirt dress. I didn't really pay attention to details so I can't say just how fantastic her shoes were for the day or see just how low-cut her dress was. If you have the body and you have your very own plastic surgery center and med spa at your disposal show off what you are selling lady! That's what I think. :)

So, onto the specifics of the visit. She said I am healing beautifully even though my boobs are still funny looking. I was glad to hear the first part and could have told you the second part. They are still a bit swollen up top, sit kind of high (which gives me fantastic cleavage) and one is a bit higher and bigger than the other one. Fantastic. My left incision had come open a little bit somewhere along the way so it was about a week behind in the healing process than the other side which is all but healed. The opened up side is healing fine, it will just take a little longer. So to remedy this I had an appointment yesterday for an in-office procedure to tighten it up. She said it would be fine if left alone, but she is going to cut the scarring away and reclose it so it will just heal and I can be done with the bandages and silvadene cream. The cream is used for open wounds during the healing process to prevent infection and facilitate healing. None of this is a huge pain, but it will be nice to be done with this part of my daily routine. I really should have taken out stock in 3x3 inch gauze bandages when I had surgery. Next I asked about my weight and range of motion restrictions being lifted. She said if I was just having augmentation done I would be good to go to bench press, do push ups, etc. at six weeks, but since I had a mastectomy and reconstruction it is a bit different (I am guessing because of the structural stuff that had to be done inside. More on this in a little bit....you've been warned.) and it might be more like eight weeks, BUT then she said since I am young and most women that have this done are older I would probably be okay. I should just take a couple weeks to try to get up to full range of motion and work up to weight at a comfortable rate. YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS with a little fist pump! I was so excited! (This excitement was short-lived. More on that later.) Time to get moving in the gym people!!!! I asked her if there was anything that I should be aware of or concerned with when going overhead or starting to use weight such as, could the implants move? She said, no the implants aren't going anywhere. The only thing that could happen is that the incision points might pull apart a bit. They won't tear open, but they could pull a bit. Got it. I can be careful of that.

You know that little warning I gave you above? Here we go onto boob stuff. In a post awhile back I warned you that a blog would be coming telling about how this whole reconstruction process went and how it differs from a boob job, as far as I understand. Well, here is that blog post. I don't think any or many of my readers will be offended by this and if you are sorry, but this is breast cancer and you know what? I'm going to get into the nit and grit of boobs sometimes. This, my friends, is one of those times. A couple things are prompting this little dialogue. The first is that a lot of people have been asking lately what will be done at my second surgery and some people were surprised that I had to have another surgery. The second is because of my last question at my six week checkup.

So, I'm going to start with how the mastectomy and reconstruction was done, the very abbreviated version, because this will lead into my last question at my appointment. For the mastectomy my surgeon made a football shaped incision around the nipple on both sides and removes the nipple. From this incision she removed all the breast tissue which reached into the underarms and up to the collarbone. A huge amount of surface area. For that much tissue being removed I really should have been blessed with bigger boobs. No such luck, but in some weird twist of fate I get those now when I would just rather have my old ones back. Go figure, weird how that works, huh? So, from these incisions my plastic surgeon went in, separated the pec muscle from the chest wall and placed the implants under the pec muscle. So, from my understanding and what I have read, this is all comparable to a boob job except the incision site isn't at the nipple (though I think it can be) and the nipple isn't removed. However, with a boob job you still have your breast tissue between the skin and muscle which gives the shape, feeling and support of a regular breast. I lost all of that. So a "hammock" is placed at the bottom of the breast to create a natural looking sag to the breast and a breast crease. All cosmetic just to make them look as close to normal as possible. In my reading I have found that these new fake boobs are called "breast mounds". Fantastic. Because they aren't "not real" enough as it is. When all of this was done my plastic surgeon put in a "purse string" closure and pulled the incision closed much like a drawstring bag would be pulled closed. So, if you followed this you will notice there was no mention of nipples being sewed back on. They weren't and though I hate this part of my reconstruction I like the reason why. My cancer was in the breast ducts and these ducts extend into the nipple. It is possible that little cancer cells could travel through the ducts and into the nipples. My breast surgeon said she would be just sick if she left the nipples and I ended up getting cancer in the future because of little cells that settled in my nipples. So this leads to my second surgery to finish my reconstruction and the last question I asked my doctor at my appointment. "How do you make nipples?" Never in my wildest dreams would I have EVER thought I would be asking somebody this. It is such a weird sight when I look at myself in the mirror, but you know, on the bright side winter in Montana is a great time not to have nipples. LOL Hey, there is a silver lining in everything, people. Sometimes you just have to look long and hard for it! :) So, to answer my question she said she will cut out "tabs" on the tops and sides of a center point that she will determine is the right placement for fake nipples. She then folds the sides in and the top third flap down and "PRESTO"! Nipple! Then where she cut the flaps out for the "grafts" she pulls them closed and sews them up and then frosting on the cake, I will get two new tattoos to give the nipples the right coloring. Seriously, as odd as it all sounds it is also very amazing what doctors can do and a true, true blessing for women that have had a mastectomy and have the need to have their body look "normal" and feminine. Though I don't like that I have totally fake and reconstructed boobs at the same time I am very thankful that I have totally fake and reconstructed boobs. Kudos to my surgeons who are making me physically whole again. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I wanted to make mention of another big difference between a boob job and reconstruction, well the biggest difference is for me. Though many people have thought it i great that I get a free boob job on my insurance or find it exciting for me that I get new boobs. The difference is I didn't want this or ask for this unlike somebody who chooses to have a boob job. Though my procedure yesterday was pretty minimal I told Tony I just feel like my body is continually violated. My plastic surgeon told me very early on that she will make them look as close to real and normal as possible, but I will never love them. I don't think I will. Am I happier with them than I was four weeks ago? Oh, yes. Am I getting used to them? Yes. Do I like them in clothes? Oh, yes. Will I ever love them? I don't think so, though I am open to the possibility that maybe someday I will. I would love to love them someday. Thursday my doctor said she really dislikes reconstruction because of the impact on the patient. She said she loves the artsy/crafty part of it, but not the process for the patient. She said breast cancer is just so hard because it is all a waiting game with a constant stream of bad news. Then, after surgery any setback is like a punch in the stomach, just one more bit of bad news. Fortunately, I haven't had any setbacks post-surgery and am most thankful for that. I have had a hard time with being asked "How are the girls?!", How exciting to have new boobs!!!", or "Oh, they do feel different!" after giving a friend a hug when we just had a conversation about how I really dislike how they feel and I'm always aware of them. I suppose I have a hard time with these comments and questions because I don't like how they feel or I don't like how I came to have this new body. I don't like the process. The process of getting to the other side of everything being done, being okay with my new body and getting back to my "normal" life. I think to me they are a part of cancer. True a better part of the cancer process considering everything. I can't deny that, but still a part of the cancer. I don't see my new boobs as something exciting, but one more thing to move past and a new normal to get used to. I will move past them and get used to my new normal. Unfortunately, my biggest battle with all of this is my very impatient nature. One day at a time my friends, one day at a time. One day at a time is hard when I just want it to be February 2011.
Another thing that will be done during the second surgery are any tweaks that need to be done to achieve symmetry between both breasts and to change implants size if I so choose. It is too early to determine either of these because there is still swelling to go down in the next 4-5 weeks. At that time I will see my doctor again and a plan will be made. If all goes well, this will be my last surgery! :) I will have weight and range of motion restrictions again for six weeks, but after that I can finally get onto fully moving forward in my recovery and getting back to full strength in life and in the gym. So during these six weeks before my next surgery I am going to concentrate on working on the incredible tightness I have in my pec muscles, the "hammock" area under my breasts and in my underarms. Some of it is a bit painful and limits movement in the gym, but I am finally able to go overhead to start working that out. If I get a lot of this worked out now it shouldn't be near as bad after my next six week hiatus.

So I mentioned above that my excitement of having all my restrictions lifted was short lived. Four days after gaining my freedom back and having my incision tightened up I was told no overhead for two more weeks. UGH!!! Are you kidding me?! I just got here and now it is being taken away. Blah. That will be at my nine week point and then I will have surgery three weeks later to be restricted again for six more weeks. My mental state can only take so many lunges, squats and scaled workouts in the gym. I can still jump rope and I was told I could run. I will see how that feels. I think I will wear about four sports bras to eliminate ANY discomfort. Luckily, at home I can still reach up with one arm so I don't have to drag my step stool around to hang up clothes, put dishes away or get food out of the pantry. At least I got three workouts in at the gym before being shut down again AND two of them were benchmarks! I can't for the life of me remember what I did Friday in the gym. I will have to post that workout later. But here is what I did Saturday and Monday. :)

Saturday, March 19, 2011
6 1/2 weeks post surgery
"Jackie"
1000m row
50 Thrusters 45#
30 pull ups

Scaled to:
1000m row (I rowed!!! And rowed well considering it was my first day back on a rower!!!)
50 Thrusters #5 weighted PVC
30 jumping pull ups

Monday, March 21, 2011

Oh, Yeah Baby!!!
“The Filthy Fifty”
50 - Box Jumps - 24 “
50 - Jumping Pull Ups
50 - Kettlebell Swings - 35#

50 - Walking Lunges
50 - Knees to Elbows
50 - Push Press - 45#
50 - GHD Hip Extensions
50 - Wall Ball Shots – 20/14
50 - Burpees

50 - Double Unders
For time:

Scaled to:
50 - Box Steps - 18"
50 - Jumping Pull Ups
50 - Kettlebell Swings - 10# Full ROM!!!

50 - Walking Lunges
50 - Standing Knee Raises to Elbow (50 each leg)
50 - Push Press - 15#
50 - GHD Hip Extensions
50 - Wall Ball Shots – 6# (to the 10' target!)
50 - Burpees (land in a plank instead of bottom of pushup)

50 - Double Unders (Yes!!! I did double unders!)
For time:

I was able to do nine of the ten Rx'd movements (not weight)!!!!! I am SO glad I went in and squeezed this workout in before my little procedure yesterday. That was seriously the most fun I have EVER had doing "The Filthy Fifties". Oh, what a great day in the gym.

Stay tuned for a new recipe post. Not an original recipe. I don't think an apple, a handful of nuts and a chunk of cooked up chicken from the fridge counts as an original recipe. This recipe will be much better, one I found online.

{fish, pancakes and sweet potatoes}

I haven't been doing a darn bit of fabulous cooking lately. We have been crazy busy so I have been grabbing some protein here, a handful of nuts there, probably too much fruit and not enough vegetables. Oh, well, still mostly stuff a caveman might eat right? Well, I doubt cavemen ate leftover chicken curry or fancied up hamburger patties snatched out of a container in the fridge on a dead run out the door with a gym bag, cooler, purse, travel mug of tea (which is so stinkin' unsatisfying) and a water bottle. Like I said, it has been crazy. On the way to K's wrestling tournament this morning I frantically ate scrambled eggs, a diced up plum, sliced bell peppers and a handful of nuts while stopped at stoplights on my way out-of-town. Yes, again, crazy. So today I tried a couple new recipes, not entrees, while Tony worked on dinner. A little over a year I posted a recipe that we found for Lemon Chicken on Cauliflower Mash. It was oh-so-incredibly yummy! We have since used it with tilapia and found it equally as delicious. So that is what we had tonight. Lemon Tilapia with a salad topped with avocado and balsamic and olive oil dressing. I was stuffed, but I think it was because of the grazing I did on the Almond Pumpkin Pancakes that I very happily discovered on the wonderful blog The Clothes Make the Girl. I'm not supposed to "Paleo" any bad habit foods on the Whole 30, but today I didn't care. :)After reading the ingredients I figured it could be worse. I'm not replacing flour with a Paleo friendly flour, I wasn't replacing sugar with a Paleo friendly sweet substance and every ingredient was an ingredient I would eat alone. Why not be efficient with my time and throw them all together. Hey, I'm a busy girl. I do what I can to make life easier...or yummier! I think I was just tired of chopping veggies for an entire evening and was itchin' to do something that resembled baking. I guess it is better than the chocolate chip cookies I wanted to make. :) I'm okay with using this recipe and will probably make it again. I might cut back on the almond butter a little bit to cut back on some fats when eating these mostly alone, but that is about it. I made them pretty small. One batch made about nine. Here is the original recipe for Maple Almond Pumpkin Pancakes and here is my barely modified version. The modification in mine is just Almond instead of Maple Almond. I told you I wasn't very creative in the kitchen! :)

Almond Pumpkin Pancakes

Ingredients:
1 egg
2 egg whites
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
3 oz. almond butter
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp vanilla
1/8 tsp nutmeg
coconut oil for cooking

Directions:
Put all the ingredients in a large bowl and beat until smooth. Set the bowl aside for a few minutes so the flavors can meld.

Heat a non-stick skillet (I drug out my cast iron tortilla pan. Not sure if it is necessarily called a tortilla pan, but that is what I call it because that is what my mom used hers for.) until it's good and hot. Add coconut oil and swivel to coat the pan. Drop the batter in 1/4 cup servings into the pan.


When bubbles begin to appear and the edges are set, flip and cook the other side. They cook pretty fast so pay attention. Don't walk away and tend to something else and come back to overcooked, dry pancakes. This is pretty much what I do every time I make pancakes so I'm starting to think this is how pancakes are supposed to be! lol Kind of like the burnt garlic toast that I used to consistently make. Don't worry! I don't make garlic toast at all anymore!



The second thing I made tonight was Sweet Potato Fries. Yum! I remembered there being a sweet potato recipe in my family's third collection of favorite recipes that I had printed about five year ago. So I dug out said cookbook, found the recipe and then realized that I submitted the recipe. lol After reading the recipe I did remember making them and wondered why I hadn't made them in so long. They are delicious!


Sweet Potato Fries


4 sweet potatoes, cut into large French fries
2 t. Italian seasoning
1/2 t. lemon pepper
1 pinch salt and pepper, to taste
2 T. olive oil

Preheat the over to 400 degrees. Combine the seasonings and olive oil in a good-sized bowl; add sweet potatoes and toss to coat. Arrange fries on a baking sheet in a single layer. Bake for 35-45 minutes, turning once, or until fries are crispy on the outside.

So that was our night of cooking. Nothing really fancy and probably a bit of something I shouldn't have. I'm hoping to stock up on some food for the week tomorrow and try a couple new recipes. I might make a couple roasts to cut up for easy protein, as well. And, of course, there is the tri-weekly trip to the grocery store for produce. I'm thinking some kale chips are on the "try-it-out" menu. Yum!

I little bit of a gym update. Yesterday I squatted with weight for the first time since surgery!!! The workout was 20 heavy back squats and 5 HSPUs, 5 rounds. As our coach was going around giving everybody their weight he pointed to me and said we are trying something different today. He waved me over to the 20# weight vest and said we are going to see how this feels. He gingerly slipped it over my head and set it on my shoulders and had me adjust it to where it felt "comfortable" We didn't strap it down and I stood still and waited. No extra discomfort in my chest. So I was going to get to squat with 20#! For the HSPU portion I substituted a front raise, out to the sides in a "T" position, down to my sides, back up to a "T" and then back in front of me. That whole sequence was one rep and I used 1# hand weights for those. After my first round I just kept hold of the 1# weights during the squat so I actually squatted a whole 22# and it felt AMAZING!! I was so excited to just get to move some weight. It was a big day in the gym for me. I guess that is my first step back to my 235# back squat. A great way to start my sixth week post-surgery! It was a good day! Yay me! :)

{six pounds of meat}

Last night was a double dinner kind of night for a couple reasons. I didn't think the kids would eat the chicken curry I planned to make so I thawed a package of burger and then realized I had a package of burger already thawed in the fridge. So I had three pounds of burger and about three pounds of chickens to create something fabulous with. I use the word create loosely because that would suggest that I produced something original with my own thought processes. (create -verb: to cause to come into being, as something unique that would not naturally evolve or that is not made by ordinary processes.) I did not. I went to my trusty stash of Paleo friendly recipes I have been hoarding over the past couple weeks and then to an old BASIC favorite of the kids from one of our family cookbooks. Ends up that basic recipe was easily made Paleo friendly.

Chicken Curry was on my menu for last night, but Tuesday nights cook up nothing but chaos in our house. It is a crazy night of kid's activities and Tony wouldn't be home from a business trip until late. So the kids barely got fed leftovers that they complained about and I rummaged through the fridge until I found leftover pork roast, steamed cauliflower, drizzled it with olive oil and called it good around 9:00. So Chicken Curry got moved to Wednesday night which was nice because Tony was home to enjoy a meal that I actually cooked. Before I continue on with the recipe I must ask. Do you know where curry comes from? What it is? Our coach threw out this little bit of trivia yesterday when we were discussing food. I said it came from the curry nut. lol I figured there was no curry nut, but that was the best guess I could come up with. Curry isn't a single spice. It is a combination of spices. My curry powder includes mustard, coriander, turmeric, cumin and red pepper. I also have a red curry paste that has red chili pepper, garlic, lemongrass, galangal (Thai ginger), salt, shallot, spices and kaffir lime. Wikipedia says (pay attention, this is your little nugget of useless information that you will learn today):

Curry (pronounced /ˈkʌri/) is a generic description used throughout Western culture to describe a variety of spiced dishes, especially from Indian or other South Asian cuisines. Three spices found in most curry powders are turmeric, coriander, and cumin; a wide range of additional spices may be included depending on the geographic region and the foods being included (meats, fish, lentils, rice, etc.). The word "curry" is analogous to "soup" or "stew" in that there is no particular ingredient that makes something "curry."

Don't you feel smarter? :) I swiped this recipe from some Paleo eatin' blog online. Again I forgot to make note of where so I could give credit where credit is due. I decided to make this recipe because it was easy and I had a can of coconut milk in the fridge that needed to be used. In the past I haven't really liked curry. The combination of the spices and coconut milk were just not my favorite. But, let me say. This dish was tasty and yes, oh so easy.

Quickie Chicken Curry

1 lb boneless skinless chicken breast, cubed
1 garlic clove, minced
1 shallot, minced
1-2 tsp curry powder
1/4 cup to 1/2 cup coconut milk
Salt and pepper to taste
1 green onion stalk, chopped

1. Preheat the skillet with 2 tsp ghee or coconut oil
2. Lightly pan fry the chicken, turning occasionally
3. When the chicken is half cooked (brownish on each side), mix in the minced garlic and shallot; stir until combined
4. Pour in coconut milk, curry powder and season with salt and pepper, to taste.
5. Remove from the heat, top with green onions if you so wish

Notes from the cook: I used about 1 1/2# chicken, but left the rest of the ingredient quantities the same. As you have noticed in the picture there are peas and there were no peas in the list of ingredients. There is also about 1/2 c. diced fried up potatoes. They were left over peas and potatoes from the kid's dinner. It was either dirty two storage containers or dump them in the curry. I thought they were great additions to the recipe and even though potatoes are a pretty useless food I think I will add both items every time.

Recipe number two for the night. Poor Man Steaks. I came across this recipe years ago. Really it is just a barely dressed up hamburger patty. They are pretty moist and I think it is the over abundance of salt and a lot of pepper that makes them so yummy. I changed the recipe a bit so they were Paleo friendly and the kids had no idea. The regular recipe calls for 1/2 c. saltine cracker crumbs and I think a 1/2 c. water. I also reduced the amount of salt. It is still probably salt heavy, but we just drank more water. I made up three pounds worth patties so we have extra in the fridge. I made them kind of smallish so they will be great for a quick protein snack. I had to take a picture of our gorgeous local, grass-fed beef after I made them into patties.

Isn't that a gorgeous color of red?! Not like the grayish-red stuff you get at the grocery store. Yuck! I love it! told Tony that one of these days I am going to buy a pound of run-of-the-mill burger from the grocery store (that I will throw away and not use) just to take a side by side picture to compare the two.

Poor Man Steaks
1 pound grass-fed burger
1 egg
1 t. salt (original recipe called for 2t.)
1 t. pepper

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix well. pat into patties and fry in ungreased frying pan. Serve as they are or add a sauce for variety.

If you try them, I hope you enjoy! Go forth and eat well!

{boycotting the school lunch}

I'm not sure what prompted me to write this blog in the middle of the school year. Maybe coming across a blog or two with what I think are totally failed packed lunches. Maybe it was a pic I just came across on my phone that I took of an after school, pre-evening activity snacks for the kids. I have always been disgruntled with the "hot" lunch program at my kid's elementary school. They boast that the lunches fall within the guidelines for the USDA standards based on the Food Pyramid. The Food Pyramid is a big crock of bull, it is totally upside down. Those of you that follow my blog, know how I eat (mostly Paleo Diet) and who follow this kind of diet, too, get it. I used to follow the Food Pyramid when I didn't know any better. When doing so I never saw the results I wanted to in the gym. Who knows, maybe it played a roll in me getting cancer. Your results in the gym are 80% of what you put into your body. When we joined CrossFit we started following The Zone Diet a ratio of carb:protein:fat in the following percentages 40/30/30. However, we soon realized that you could "Zone" anything. Bread, pasta, beans, beer, tree bark, worms, etc. Anything! We started doing our own research and reading and we began to realize than none of the above are good for you. That is when we started to mostly follow a Paleo diet. I say "mostly" because we eat this way about 80-85% of the time. That allowed 15-20% per week for social gatherings, nights out with friends and just plain busy as a family of five. It is hard to be perfect all the time unless I devoted every waking hour to cooking and food prep and if you have been reading my blog you know I'm not that girl.

Wow, sorry about that. This blog is about packing healthy lunches. I have always had a problem with the school lunches, but I kind of found myself at a loss and overwhelmed by family chaos, being busy with three kids and not knowing what to put in a healthy lunch for my kids. I don't like convenience food items that are empty calories and totally void of any nutritional value, such as, granola bars, breakfast bars, Cheez-its, chips, etc. I couldn't figure out what to put in a cold lunch that my kids would want to eat or what to pack so they would have variety from day to day. So this year I committed to making their cold lunches, most of the time. For K we go through her lunch menu for the month and let her pick when she wants for hot lunch. I'm okay with letting her do this because she really doesn't like hot lunch and rarely chooses it. She always chooses Thursday because one of their choices is Pizza Hut pizza and it is a treat. Other than that there are only a handful of things that she will eat at school. She knows that she isn't allowed to choose hot dogs, corn dogs, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pork or ham and cheese hoagies or chicken salad sandwiches (all on white bread) Sorry, that isn't a "hot" lunch and it is just downright nasty. No chicken nuggets that are mechanically separated and then squished back together in the form of a "nugget". My kids have really learned this year what we find acceptable for food and are pretty good at making good food choices. Of course, they are still kids and want some garbage, too. Especially, T. He would live on hot dogs and cinnamon rolls if he was allowed. However, I was totally thrilled the other day when we went to Costco and I knew he was going to want a hotdog from the food court and it was going to be a fight and him not winning. But, you know what he picked? He wanted a rotisserie chicken with broccoli and cauliflower with it. Two points for mom drilling good food choices into his head. We feel a little bit better about A eating hot lunch at the Jr. High. They have more choices and again, she is good at making good food choices. We try to limit her gluten, which we do as a family anyways, because it tends to upset her stomach. So she can put together a pretty good lunch. I would rather pack her a lunch, but it is also a social thing for her. She likes to go through the line with her friends. I get that. I try to squeeze a cold lunch in for her every now and then and send healthy snacks for her in between classes. We pack a lot of on-the-go snacks and meals, too, and we try to keep those about 99% healthy, as well. Every now and then I do grab Zbars and other comparable things. Probably not a good choice, but we are human, too. It is hard to stop somewhere and pick up a quality snack so you need to be prepared for snacks for hungry kids and mom, too, when you leave the house.

I spent a lot of time before school started this year brainstorming for good lunch item choices. We needed good proteins, healthy fats, veggies and fruit. I made a list for each category and we went from there. I followed blogs for "Bento box" lunches by other moms. There were many! Moms who have WAY to much time on their hands creating amazing little lunch creations like this mom at Another Lunch. She made me feel a little inadequate at first. If I packed a sandwich it was going to be your basic square cut into two triangles. Not cut into the shape of a heart. If I threw grapes in my kid's lunch they weren't going to have cute little food picks of little girl heads sitting on them so they looked like a cute little body and I'm not going to paint little faces on little cubes of cheese with food coloring. I do love looking at all her creations and wished I had four extra hours in my day to create something like that. Though, if I had four extra hours in my day it wouldn't be spend creating cute little lunches. I would be sewing or taking a hot bath. Both sound like wonderful ways to spend four new hours in my day. So, instead of feeling inadequate about my lack of desire to create lunch art I just tried to find some healthy food choices on her blog and many other mom lunch blogs. I have to say, I didn't find a whole lot of inspiration. What I found were a lot of carbs, processed snacks and sugar of all kinds tucked into lunches everyday. In one lunch I saw pretzels, goldfish crackers, chocolate chips, some fruit and cheese, a sandwich and TWO Nutrigrain cereal bars, because her son gets hungry in the afternoon and needs a snack. Well, DUH, you totally carbed him up for the day and set him up for a crash and needing food come about two o'clock. How is that little boy's brain supposed to learn at his full potential at school with that kind of lunch? It was on this blog that I posted a comment. I said, "I see a lot of carbs in the lunches, but not a lot of protein and no healthy fats. What protein and fat choices do you include in your lunches? Btw, I love looking at all your creative, fun lunches." She deleted my comment. I didn't feel I was attacking, just curious and hoped to raise a little flag for the sake of kid's lunches everywhere. lol Here are some other lunches I recently stumbled back upon. I came across them quite while ago and was equally as horrified then. Please do not try this at home. I love that people are packing homemade lunches. It saves money and is better than McDonald's or Burger King. Well, they should be. Tell me what you see. What I see are a lot of carbs, white bread, white tortillas, desserts, etc. What I don't see is a lot of protein, fruit or veggies (sometimes none!) and healthy fats. Yikes. It just hurts my stomach.

We, as a society, need to start thinking about our food as fuel because that is what it is. It is fuel for our machine. We only get one body in this life, take care of it! Many people take better care of their cars than they do their bodies! Start reading nutrition labels and ingredients. Can you pronounce them? Most of them, probably not. Is it made by nature or in a lab? I read this quote in a magazine once regarding butter vs. margarine. "I trust cows more than I trust scientists." Amen! So much of the crap in our food is just man made substances, chemicals. What will that do over time? I truly believe what it will do over time is exactly what we see in society today. Heart disease, obesity, diabetes, autism, cancer, etc. I just read somewhere that it takes cancer 20-30 years to become detectable. It takes it that long to fully grow to where it can be seen in some way, shape or form. I have no idea if that is true, but it makes you think. Twenty to thirty years ago I ate what my parents bought, filled the pantry with and cooked. Macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, ramen noodles, hamburger helper, casseroles with cream of mushroom soup, etc. What can you do in the "meantime" while cancer becomes vile enough to threaten your health? Can we reverse it? Can we keep it at bay? I hope so. I think so and I think a lot of it is in our food choices and how we choose to live. This is just my opinion and this is my blog so I get to voice my opinion freely. :) You can't deny that you are what you eat. If you eat crap, well, your body is going to be crap. The sad thing is so many people have eaten this "crap" for so long it has become their normal. It is a hard habit to break (wow, that brought back memories of junior high school dances sitting on the bleachers while everybody else danced. lol), but one so worth breaking.

Holy cow, another tangent! Sorry back to packed lunches....

The other day I snapped a picture of snacks that I packed for my kids for after school with an evening of cheer and wrestling practice ahead of them. I was so pleased with what they were going to be eating I had to document it. lol

Protein: Leftover rotisserie chicken and a hard boiled egg

Carbs: Clementine orange and grape tomatoes or steamed cauliflower and broccoli

Fats: Almonds, pecans or walnuts depending on the kid

That, my friends, is what I think a snack for a kid (or adult) should look like. But, that is my opinion and hopefully the opinion of many others. With this in their bodies I feel like they were fueled enough to have a great cheer and wrestling practice and come home to a good dinner to top off their night.

Here are a couple pics of lunches I packed for the kids early in the year. We have a little white board on our fridge for cold lunch orders. The night before I try really hard to remember to write down what they want in their lunches. If I'm really ambitious I will pack up what I can the night before (I don't cut apples or make sandwiches the night before) and then when I get up I can just check the list and finish up the lunch. I don't have to ask the kids what they want in the middle of the morning chaos. Chaos doesn't even begin to describe our mornings. Ugh. I live for random days throughout the year when there is no school. And then by the end of the day with three kids at home I pray that summer vacation will take it's time getting here!

Lunch for A: Broccoli and carrots, chicken and spinach meatballs, gluten-free pretzels, almonds, oranges
Lunch for K: Carrots, apples, cucumbers, tuna with a tiny bit of mayo and chopped pickles, gluten-free pretzels and pecans.

A couple of weeks into the school year a classmate of K's asked her, "Why do you always bring healthy lunches?" First of all, I find that sad that a healthy lunch is questioned. Second, I said, "Tell them because your mom loves you." :)

Here is a list of items I have written down for lunch ideas. Just some ideas if you happen to want some. I keep this list in the inside of a cupboard door and we add to it as we find things that we would feel okay packing in a lunch. We try to limit grains in lunches and dairy to an extent. We do include some gluten-free items from time to time. They aren't my first choice, but I guess they are better than choosing a typical product, such as gluten-free pretzels vs. regular...maybe. Even though they are gluten-free the ingredients with gluten are replaced with other grains. Not cool.

• Protein: High quality deli meat, cheese, meat sticks from US Wellness Meats, tuna, hard-boiled eggs, chicken & spinach meatballs, meat and cheese rolls (wrap a piece of cheese up in a piece of deli meat and slice...like...sushi...I guess.)
• Fruits (that our crew likes): Nectarines, peaches, apples, oranges, grapefruit, plums, grapes, berries
• Veggies (again, that our crew likes): red peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, celery, carrots, cucumbers, spinach or romaine salad
• Nuts: Almonds, pecans, walnuts
• Misc: Gluten-free pretzels, GF Multigrain chips, GF crackers, preservative-free salad dressings, cream cheese for celery or K likes to dip her pretzels in it.

I love the divided containters we use. I wish they weren't plastic, but I can't find anything glass like this and it would just be scary sending glass to school with the kids. I get these containers at Easy Lunchboxes online. They sell lunchboxes also that are pretty inexpensive and the containers fit perfectly in them. I recommend spending the money on them. We had lunch boxes at home that I thought would do. They didn't fit well at all in any of them.

If you have any other ideas for lunch items please post them in the comments. Eat happy! :)

{let's try this again}

Well, damn, I reread the Whole30 guidelines for this 30 day challenge and I missed the "no milk substitutes". So I failed with my coconut milk. It was a carton of coconut milk not a can. I thought I checked the ingredients at the store, like I always do. But, I just checked it the other day and there is dried cane juice or something like that. I have been wanting some sweet stuff during the last week, oh, and a piece of toast a couple mornings when I woke with a horrible sore throat. For some reason a piece of toast with butter always feels good on a sore throat to me. Like scratching an itch? Maybe? I digress. Like I said, I have been wanting some sweet stuff during the week, but not craving it. But, I have REALLY been wanting a latte, many lattes actually. Especially, right now when it is cold outside or when I am having a bummer day. I decided I had to find something to replace it so I bought a carton of coconut milk, came home and made up a latte that hit the spot. But, I didn't read the fine print (actually it was regular size print) and coconut milk is a no-no. Actually a double no-no because of the cane juice. FAIL! Oh, well, I'm fine with starting over as I had planned to really try to stick to this way of eating anyways so a extra week of 99.9% doing it right can't be a bad thing. Starting 100% now is a good thing too since our gym is starting this challenge tomorrow. However, I do wish I would have had a brownie or two with those lattes! Mmmmm....brownies! :) Um, ends up after typing this last sentence first thing this morning, I did have a brownie and it was good, but it didn't leave me wanting to eat the entire pan so I call that a little bit of a success!

I was going to post the guidelines for the Whole30 program, but it got long so I am going to post that separately. Nothing from me, just a cut and paste from our friends at Whole9.

Here are a couple of recipes I made last week. I tried to remember to make note of where I found them, but my brain failed me pretty much every time. If I know where it came from I will give credit where due. I will never take credit for making a recipe, frankly because I'm not creative enough to make up a recipe on my own. I'm much more of a follower than a leader in the cooking department. I will note that I have currently been finding recipes here for my first two weeks of recipes.

Sausage & Peppers

Ingredients:
4 Italian sausage links (I got mine at Costco. No nitrates, nitrites, preservatives, gluten-free)
1-2 tablespoons olive oil
3-4 bell peppers, sliced into 2 to 3 inch long strips
4 garlic cloves, crushed
1 large sweet or yellow onion, sliced into 1/4-inch half-moons
1 small (14.5 oz) can of crushed tomatoes (I used organic)
2 teaspoons dried oregano
1/2 cup red wine (replace with broth if you're in a no-cheat Paleo phase)
1/2 teaspoons red pepper flakes (optional)
salt & pepper to taste

Directions:
1. Heat the olive oil over medium heat in a large pan that has a lid. When the oil is hot, add the sausages and brown slowly on all sides. This is somewhat tedious, but worth it. When you're happy with they way they look, remove from the pan and place in a bowl to catch the juices.
2. Increase the heat to high and add the onions and peppers. Toss to coat with the leftover oil in the pan, and saute until they get little black spots. When they've softened a bit, sprinkle with salt and pepper, then add the garlic and stir-fry quickly to prevent scorching – about 45 seconds or so. When you can smell the garlic, you're ready for step 3.
3. Add the wine/broth to the pan and scrape the bottom of the pan with a wooden spoon to get the yummy brown bits. Let the liquid cook down by half.
4. Add the tomatoes, oregano and red pepper flakes, and stir well to combine. Lovingly place the sausages back in the pan and nestle them down into the vegetable bed. Bring to a bubble then reduce the heat to low. Cover and simmer until the peppers are soft and the sausages are cooked through, about 20 minutes.

Even though I'm not a huge fan of sausage of any kind I decided to give these a try. I ended up enjoying this recipe...the first night. The leftovers I didn't care for so in the future I'll make sure to only make enough for the first night. I'm still not a huge fan of sausages, but every once in awhile is okay.

Recipe #2!!!

Salsa Dancing Pork

(adapted from Salsa Dancing Chicken at http://www.everydaypaleo.com/)

2 lbs pork roast (Pork chops or chicken would work great. I just happened to have a pork roast thawed)

2 tablespoons grass fed organic butter or coconut oil
1 yellow onion, halved and sliced
1 14.5 oz can of organic diced tomatoes, drained
1 12 oz jar of Salsa Verde or green salsa of your choice (Check ingredients for nasty stuff!)
1 tablespoon cumin powder
1/2 tablespoon paprika
Sea Salt and Black Pepper, to taste

Slice the pork roast into about 1/2 inch slices; salt and pepper. Brown the pork slices for about 3 minutes per side. Remove the pork and set aside. Add the onions and saute for another 2-3 minutes. Add the diced tomatoes, salsa, cumin, paprika and pepper; mix well. Pour sauce into crockpot. Place the pork into the crockpot in the sauce. Turn crockpot on high and "crock" for about four hours. Serve with shredded cabbage and avocado.

I really liked this recipe and will definitely make it again with chicken and pork. Yum! My kids even loved it. Two points for mom!

I've cut-and-pasted pages of new recipes into a Word document to draw from for the next couple weeks. A few I wrote down for the upcoming week:

Chili Chicken with Sweet Potato Hash

Sweet Potato Fries with Paleo Ketchup

Pork Chops with Sauerkraut

Chicken Curry

Cottage Flower Pie

Your Basic Pot Roast (that's how creative I am with dinner! lol)

I would share my menu for the day, but it was pathetic and not worthy of writing down. Starting tomorrow I will be trying to post my daily food.

Tomorrow's Monday! Make it great!

{when one door closes you make up your own}

I'm rolling right along on this little Whole 30/Paleo challenge thing. I have to say it has been pretty easy. The one thing I was mourning the loss of and so desperately wanted was a latte. A hot, creamy latte with perfectly brewed espresso from my coffee gals at my favorite coffee place. No skim milk, no sugar-free or sugary syrup. One packet of Vanilla flavored Stevia and my day is perfect. Mmmmm. But, no dairy allowed. One door closed. Monday, well, was just a Monday. It started with every Monday quality. A latte would have made it feel so much better. But, I survived day one without one. Victory is mine!! And then it started again the next day. Yikes!

Tuesday I had a frustrating, discouraging day. I had an appointment at the Hand and Lymphadema Therapy Clinic. The therapist went over in detail the risks of getting lymphadema due to the lymph nodes I had removed to be tested for cancer. I had four removed. Two were removed to be tested and then I had two in my breast that were removed when the breast tissue was removed. 12% of women have lymph nodes present in the breast, of course, I would. So instead of two I had four removed. The therapist said she would say this was really good. But, (seems there is always a "but") a person can have anywhere from about 20-75 lymph nodes in the underarm region and it isn't equal on both sides. So if I had 75 on that side losing four is no biggie, but if I only had 20 losing 4 is a biggie. So for the rest of my life I was given all kinds of things to do to prevent lyphadema. My breast surgeon said I would have no problem with this because of the small number removed, but I suppose it is a lymphadema therapists job to put the fear of God in you to do everything possible to prevent getting lymphadema. So there are "exercises" of sorts, body movements to keep the fluids flowing and moving through the body well and to redirect flow to other lymph nodes so as not to overtax the side with fewer lymph nodes. I was given exercises for my left had because it had 15 pounds of less strength than my right hand. I was also told how I should lift weights when my range of motion limitations are lifted at eight weeks post surgery. Ugh! The worst part about figuring out my recovery and getting my strength back in the gym is that all my doctors have no clue about CrossFit or the shape I was in prior to surgery. All recommendations pertain to general population which I believe is probably sedentary folks. If my beliefs are correct my body can do more than the general population. I was told to start with a 1-2 pound weight and move it up and down in super slow motion and take 1-2 months to slowly progress weight and to moving the weight at normal speed. She said " Do that with all your excercises (excluding legs and abs): lat pulldowns, tricep presses, bicep curls, etc." I don't do lat pulldowns. I don't do tricep presses or bicep curls. I have decided I can't do that. Yes, I get that I should do what my therapist says, but I strongly believe my time in CrossFit has prepared me for more than a super slow motion bicep curl with a one pound weight. I'm not going to go all crazy in the gym with a loaded up bar, but I am going to start doing my CrossFit moves. There won't be any dynamic moves, I will have to slowly work back up to that, but I am not taking one-two months to move the weight at normal speed. I will listen to my body and do what feels right. I have decided to leave my comeback in the gym up to my coach. He will get me where I need to be and he won't let me hurt myself or do anything I shouldn't. That was my day yesterday. I was frustrated and down. I am NOT a patient person and this year is going to be a huge test of my patience. I hate that I'm not patient and I try, but it isn't who I am. It is going to be a long year. The frustration comes so easily. I realized today that four weeks after I finally get the okay to go overhead and lift more than five pounds I will have surgery again and be out for another six weeks. More frustration. Blah. Soooo, this is why I really wanted a latte yesterday, but I didn't get one. I held strong to my foodie challenge, but decided I really needed to find some kind of coffee drink alternative. I don't care for straight coffee and I can't do creamer. Remember, no dairy. So yesterday I picked up some coconut milk and I made up my own yummy coffee drink. I frothed up some coconut milk with my little milk frother/whisker thingy, warmed it up, added hot coffee and some vanilla flavored stevia and presto! Coconut Milk Vanilla Latte that I found very satisfying. Yay for me! I think I'll be able to make my 30 days! Funny thing about the cocnut milk, my boy LOVES it. Hooray for no cow's milk in his body!

So, today is a kinda special day. Today I am one month cancer free!!! I decided to celebrate my day with me. :-) T had preschool and then my girlfriend takes him home with her after school on Wednesdays to spend the afternoon playing with her son. So I was childless for six hours. SIX HOURS! That is something a mom needs to take advantage of. So today I decided to skip the gym and take a break from my frustration with my workouts. I dropped my boy off at school, stopped by the gym (I know I tried to totally skip, but I didn't workout!) to quickly talk with my coach about a few things and then I went home for the day. No errands, no agenda, no "to-do" list. Okay, there is always a "to-do" list, but I ignored it today. First, I made myself my new coconut milk latte and then I went upstairs to my little sewing corner. I put Coffee House on Sirius Radio and closed my eyes and listened. Seriously, I closed my eyes and took just a moment to soak it all in. I closed my eyes while my hands were wrapped around my hot latte. I listened to the silence of my house while Norah Jones sang "Don't Know Why" and I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. It was a perfect way to start my day with me and my sewing machine. I so needed today. The past couple days have been crazy busy with errands and kid's activities. It seriously sucks trying to recover from major surgery while still having to be mom. Neither cares about the other. It is hard and my body tells me when I have had a way to busy day. My chest starts to hurt and feels so raw and stings something fierce and I get so tired. Tony walked in yesterday and said, "You look pale." Yesterday morning after I had been up for only three hours I laid down and fell right to sleep. Like I said, I so needed today. It was wonderful. I can still close my eyes and bask in the luxuriousness of my day. I am so doing that more often on my childless Wednesdays. I need "me" time in order to function properly. "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" and that ain't no lie! It was a good one month celebration of being cancer free! Maybe I will do that every month for the next year. :)

Let me share how my sister-in-law said she would celebrate. We will be recreating this on a special occasion next time we are together. So I better eat spot on until then and then prepare for the food hangover. I like how she thinks! "I would probably celebrate with a large chocolate cake drizzled in carmel and fudge with cocunut on top of a hot chocolate chip cookie fresh out of oven with a side of homemade vanilla icecream. And u have to eat it all or the icecream melts and makes the cookie soggy." :-)

Today, I didn't really cook a specific Paleo recipe/meal. I didn't really cook at all. I guess cooking three nights in a row was a little bit of kitchen overload for me. But, we did have some burger thawed that needed to be cooked up so I browned it up with intentions of putting it in the fridge to mix in with eggs for a Joe's Omelette. What? You don't know what a Joe's omelette is? Yummo! I guess it is a little breakfast concoction that originated in San Francisco. Eggs, spinach, ground beef, garlic and parmesan or some other cheese depending on the restaurant. The recipe I linked to above doesn't have parmesan which makes it Paleo and how I will be eating them from now on. But, I digress. I had ground burger made up that didn't quite make it to the Joe's Omelette prep ingredients in the fridge. Tony made taco meat out of it and the kids had nachos with veggies on the side and I had a taco salad with grape tomatoes, salsa, avocado and grass-fed beef taco meat. I love me a taco salad and even survived without grated cheese on it.

What else did I eat today? Again, not as much as I maybe should have, but I'm okay with that. I'm not working out as much as I usually do, but hopefully I still ate enough good food for healing.

Breakfast: Two fried eggs, 2 links sausage (kind of gave me the heebie-jeebies), a clemantine orange, strawberries & a handful of pecans

Snack: 1/2 red pepper, some nuts (no protein, no bueno!)

Lunch: Steamed cauliflower drizzled with olive oil and a little sea salt, leftover rotisserie chicken, a handful of grape tomatoes

Snack: Cherry Pie Lara Bar, high quality (clean) roasted chicken deli meat

Dinner: Taco Salad

Snack: Three scrambled eggs with a bunch of mashed up steamed cauliflower

Water: Not enough, as usual. :(

I know I didn't have enough veggies today. I'll do better tomorrow. I promise!

I was going to post my recipe from dinner last night, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. It is midnight, I'm tired and I'm going to hit the sack! I'll post it tomorrow.