It has been over a week since I last posted on here and, oh, how I have missed you my little friend! I constantly have ideas of things I want to blog. Some I write down so I don't forget, most are just a fleeting thought and they are gone and some are just worthless so I let them "flush" from my brain. Instead of going to my list of blog ideas I decided to just blog about something kind of recent. My six week follow up appointment last week with my plastic surgeon and other "stuff" in this LONG six weeks.
My appointment went well. I had the usual topless pictures taken against a pretty teal wall in the examining room. Look straight ahead, diagonal to the left, face the wall to the left, face the door, face diagonal to the right. Much like a naked mugshot I expect. I swear I have never had a mugshot taken so this is only speculation on my part. Also, from what I have seen on tv, mugshots are not usually done in the buff. At least not on the shows I watch. Late night on Showtime may be another story, um, not that I would know. ;) Haha! So after my glamour shots were taken I sat and waited for my doctor to come on in. This is always a highlight of my appointments, when my doctor walks in. This wonderful lady has a funky style all her own and I can't wait to see what she is wearing for the day. Thursday she had on a pretty mild outfit, not a space cadet outfit like she actually referred to her choice of clothing. I love it! Thursday was a cute, black shirt dress. I didn't really pay attention to details so I can't say just how fantastic her shoes were for the day or see just how low-cut her dress was. If you have the body and you have your very own plastic surgery center and med spa at your disposal show off what you are selling lady! That's what I think. :)
So, onto the specifics of the visit. She said I am healing beautifully even though my boobs are still funny looking. I was glad to hear the first part and could have told you the second part. They are still a bit swollen up top, sit kind of high (which gives me fantastic cleavage) and one is a bit higher and bigger than the other one. Fantastic. My left incision had come open a little bit somewhere along the way so it was about a week behind in the healing process than the other side which is all but healed. The opened up side is healing fine, it will just take a little longer. So to remedy this I had an appointment yesterday for an in-office procedure to tighten it up. She said it would be fine if left alone, but she is going to cut the scarring away and reclose it so it will just heal and I can be done with the bandages and silvadene cream. The cream is used for open wounds during the healing process to prevent infection and facilitate healing. None of this is a huge pain, but it will be nice to be done with this part of my daily routine. I really should have taken out stock in 3x3 inch gauze bandages when I had surgery. Next I asked about my weight and range of motion restrictions being lifted. She said if I was just having augmentation done I would be good to go to bench press, do push ups, etc. at six weeks, but since I had a mastectomy and reconstruction it is a bit different (I am guessing because of the structural stuff that had to be done inside. More on this in a little bit....you've been warned.) and it might be more like eight weeks, BUT then she said since I am young and most women that have this done are older I would probably be okay. I should just take a couple weeks to try to get up to full range of motion and work up to weight at a comfortable rate. YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS with a little fist pump! I was so excited! (This excitement was short-lived. More on that later.) Time to get moving in the gym people!!!! I asked her if there was anything that I should be aware of or concerned with when going overhead or starting to use weight such as, could the implants move? She said, no the implants aren't going anywhere. The only thing that could happen is that the incision points might pull apart a bit. They won't tear open, but they could pull a bit. Got it. I can be careful of that.
You know that little warning I gave you above? Here we go onto boob stuff. In a post awhile back I warned you that a blog would be coming telling about how this whole reconstruction process went and how it differs from a boob job, as far as I understand. Well, here is that blog post. I don't think any or many of my readers will be offended by this and if you are sorry, but this is breast cancer and you know what? I'm going to get into the nit and grit of boobs sometimes. This, my friends, is one of those times. A couple things are prompting this little dialogue. The first is that a lot of people have been asking lately what will be done at my second surgery and some people were surprised that I had to have another surgery. The second is because of my last question at my six week checkup.
So, I'm going to start with how the mastectomy and reconstruction was done, the very abbreviated version, because this will lead into my last question at my appointment. For the mastectomy my surgeon made a football shaped incision around the nipple on both sides and removes the nipple. From this incision she removed all the breast tissue which reached into the underarms and up to the collarbone. A huge amount of surface area. For that much tissue being removed I really should have been blessed with bigger boobs. No such luck, but in some weird twist of fate I get those now when I would just rather have my old ones back. Go figure, weird how that works, huh? So, from these incisions my plastic surgeon went in, separated the pec muscle from the chest wall and placed the implants under the pec muscle. So, from my understanding and what I have read, this is all comparable to a boob job except the incision site isn't at the nipple (though I think it can be) and the nipple isn't removed. However, with a boob job you still have your breast tissue between the skin and muscle which gives the shape, feeling and support of a regular breast. I lost all of that. So a "hammock" is placed at the bottom of the breast to create a natural looking sag to the breast and a breast crease. All cosmetic just to make them look as close to normal as possible. In my reading I have found that these new fake boobs are called "breast mounds". Fantastic. Because they aren't "not real" enough as it is. When all of this was done my plastic surgeon put in a "purse string" closure and pulled the incision closed much like a drawstring bag would be pulled closed. So, if you followed this you will notice there was no mention of nipples being sewed back on. They weren't and though I hate this part of my reconstruction I like the reason why. My cancer was in the breast ducts and these ducts extend into the nipple. It is possible that little cancer cells could travel through the ducts and into the nipples. My breast surgeon said she would be just sick if she left the nipples and I ended up getting cancer in the future because of little cells that settled in my nipples. So this leads to my second surgery to finish my reconstruction and the last question I asked my doctor at my appointment. "How do you make nipples?" Never in my wildest dreams would I have EVER thought I would be asking somebody this. It is such a weird sight when I look at myself in the mirror, but you know, on the bright side winter in Montana is a great time not to have nipples. LOL Hey, there is a silver lining in everything, people. Sometimes you just have to look long and hard for it! :) So, to answer my question she said she will cut out "tabs" on the tops and sides of a center point that she will determine is the right placement for fake nipples. She then folds the sides in and the top third flap down and "PRESTO"! Nipple! Then where she cut the flaps out for the "grafts" she pulls them closed and sews them up and then frosting on the cake, I will get two new tattoos to give the nipples the right coloring. Seriously, as odd as it all sounds it is also very amazing what doctors can do and a true, true blessing for women that have had a mastectomy and have the need to have their body look "normal" and feminine. Though I don't like that I have totally fake and reconstructed boobs at the same time I am very thankful that I have totally fake and reconstructed boobs. Kudos to my surgeons who are making me physically whole again. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I wanted to make mention of another big difference between a boob job and reconstruction, well the biggest difference is for me. Though many people have thought it i great that I get a free boob job on my insurance or find it exciting for me that I get new boobs. The difference is I didn't want this or ask for this unlike somebody who chooses to have a boob job. Though my procedure yesterday was pretty minimal I told Tony I just feel like my body is continually violated. My plastic surgeon told me very early on that she will make them look as close to real and normal as possible, but I will never love them. I don't think I will. Am I happier with them than I was four weeks ago? Oh, yes. Am I getting used to them? Yes. Do I like them in clothes? Oh, yes. Will I ever love them? I don't think so, though I am open to the possibility that maybe someday I will. I would love to love them someday. Thursday my doctor said she really dislikes reconstruction because of the impact on the patient. She said she loves the artsy/crafty part of it, but not the process for the patient. She said breast cancer is just so hard because it is all a waiting game with a constant stream of bad news. Then, after surgery any setback is like a punch in the stomach, just one more bit of bad news. Fortunately, I haven't had any setbacks post-surgery and am most thankful for that. I have had a hard time with being asked "How are the girls?!", How exciting to have new boobs!!!", or "Oh, they do feel different!" after giving a friend a hug when we just had a conversation about how I really dislike how they feel and I'm always aware of them. I suppose I have a hard time with these comments and questions because I don't like how they feel or I don't like how I came to have this new body. I don't like the process. The process of getting to the other side of everything being done, being okay with my new body and getting back to my "normal" life. I think to me they are a part of cancer. True a better part of the cancer process considering everything. I can't deny that, but still a part of the cancer. I don't see my new boobs as something exciting, but one more thing to move past and a new normal to get used to. I will move past them and get used to my new normal. Unfortunately, my biggest battle with all of this is my very impatient nature. One day at a time my friends, one day at a time. One day at a time is hard when I just want it to be February 2011.
Another thing that will be done during the second surgery are any tweaks that need to be done to achieve symmetry between both breasts and to change implants size if I so choose. It is too early to determine either of these because there is still swelling to go down in the next 4-5 weeks. At that time I will see my doctor again and a plan will be made. If all goes well, this will be my last surgery! :) I will have weight and range of motion restrictions again for six weeks, but after that I can finally get onto fully moving forward in my recovery and getting back to full strength in life and in the gym. So during these six weeks before my next surgery I am going to concentrate on working on the incredible tightness I have in my pec muscles, the "hammock" area under my breasts and in my underarms. Some of it is a bit painful and limits movement in the gym, but I am finally able to go overhead to start working that out. If I get a lot of this worked out now it shouldn't be near as bad after my next six week hiatus.
So I mentioned above that my excitement of having all my restrictions lifted was short lived. Four days after gaining my freedom back and having my incision tightened up I was told no overhead for two more weeks. UGH!!! Are you kidding me?! I just got here and now it is being taken away. Blah. That will be at my nine week point and then I will have surgery three weeks later to be restricted again for six more weeks. My mental state can only take so many lunges, squats and scaled workouts in the gym. I can still jump rope and I was told I could run. I will see how that feels. I think I will wear about four sports bras to eliminate ANY discomfort. Luckily, at home I can still reach up with one arm so I don't have to drag my step stool around to hang up clothes, put dishes away or get food out of the pantry. At least I got three workouts in at the gym before being shut down again AND two of them were benchmarks! I can't for the life of me remember what I did Friday in the gym. I will have to post that workout later. But here is what I did Saturday and Monday. :)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
6 1/2 weeks post surgery
"Jackie"
1000m row
50 Thrusters 45#
30 pull ups
Scaled to:
1000m row (I rowed!!! And rowed well considering it was my first day back on a rower!!!)
50 Thrusters #5 weighted PVC
30 jumping pull ups
Monday, March 21, 2011
Oh, Yeah Baby!!!
“The Filthy Fifty”
50 - Box Jumps - 24 “
50 - Jumping Pull Ups
50 - Kettlebell Swings - 35#
50 - Walking Lunges
50 - Knees to Elbows
50 - Push Press - 45#
50 - GHD Hip Extensions
50 - Wall Ball Shots – 20/14
50 - Burpees
50 - Double Unders
For time:
My appointment went well. I had the usual topless pictures taken against a pretty teal wall in the examining room. Look straight ahead, diagonal to the left, face the wall to the left, face the door, face diagonal to the right. Much like a naked mugshot I expect. I swear I have never had a mugshot taken so this is only speculation on my part. Also, from what I have seen on tv, mugshots are not usually done in the buff. At least not on the shows I watch. Late night on Showtime may be another story, um, not that I would know. ;) Haha! So after my glamour shots were taken I sat and waited for my doctor to come on in. This is always a highlight of my appointments, when my doctor walks in. This wonderful lady has a funky style all her own and I can't wait to see what she is wearing for the day. Thursday she had on a pretty mild outfit, not a space cadet outfit like she actually referred to her choice of clothing. I love it! Thursday was a cute, black shirt dress. I didn't really pay attention to details so I can't say just how fantastic her shoes were for the day or see just how low-cut her dress was. If you have the body and you have your very own plastic surgery center and med spa at your disposal show off what you are selling lady! That's what I think. :)
So, onto the specifics of the visit. She said I am healing beautifully even though my boobs are still funny looking. I was glad to hear the first part and could have told you the second part. They are still a bit swollen up top, sit kind of high (which gives me fantastic cleavage) and one is a bit higher and bigger than the other one. Fantastic. My left incision had come open a little bit somewhere along the way so it was about a week behind in the healing process than the other side which is all but healed. The opened up side is healing fine, it will just take a little longer. So to remedy this I had an appointment yesterday for an in-office procedure to tighten it up. She said it would be fine if left alone, but she is going to cut the scarring away and reclose it so it will just heal and I can be done with the bandages and silvadene cream. The cream is used for open wounds during the healing process to prevent infection and facilitate healing. None of this is a huge pain, but it will be nice to be done with this part of my daily routine. I really should have taken out stock in 3x3 inch gauze bandages when I had surgery. Next I asked about my weight and range of motion restrictions being lifted. She said if I was just having augmentation done I would be good to go to bench press, do push ups, etc. at six weeks, but since I had a mastectomy and reconstruction it is a bit different (I am guessing because of the structural stuff that had to be done inside. More on this in a little bit....you've been warned.) and it might be more like eight weeks, BUT then she said since I am young and most women that have this done are older I would probably be okay. I should just take a couple weeks to try to get up to full range of motion and work up to weight at a comfortable rate. YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS with a little fist pump! I was so excited! (This excitement was short-lived. More on that later.) Time to get moving in the gym people!!!! I asked her if there was anything that I should be aware of or concerned with when going overhead or starting to use weight such as, could the implants move? She said, no the implants aren't going anywhere. The only thing that could happen is that the incision points might pull apart a bit. They won't tear open, but they could pull a bit. Got it. I can be careful of that.
You know that little warning I gave you above? Here we go onto boob stuff. In a post awhile back I warned you that a blog would be coming telling about how this whole reconstruction process went and how it differs from a boob job, as far as I understand. Well, here is that blog post. I don't think any or many of my readers will be offended by this and if you are sorry, but this is breast cancer and you know what? I'm going to get into the nit and grit of boobs sometimes. This, my friends, is one of those times. A couple things are prompting this little dialogue. The first is that a lot of people have been asking lately what will be done at my second surgery and some people were surprised that I had to have another surgery. The second is because of my last question at my six week checkup.
So, I'm going to start with how the mastectomy and reconstruction was done, the very abbreviated version, because this will lead into my last question at my appointment. For the mastectomy my surgeon made a football shaped incision around the nipple on both sides and removes the nipple. From this incision she removed all the breast tissue which reached into the underarms and up to the collarbone. A huge amount of surface area. For that much tissue being removed I really should have been blessed with bigger boobs. No such luck, but in some weird twist of fate I get those now when I would just rather have my old ones back. Go figure, weird how that works, huh? So, from these incisions my plastic surgeon went in, separated the pec muscle from the chest wall and placed the implants under the pec muscle. So, from my understanding and what I have read, this is all comparable to a boob job except the incision site isn't at the nipple (though I think it can be) and the nipple isn't removed. However, with a boob job you still have your breast tissue between the skin and muscle which gives the shape, feeling and support of a regular breast. I lost all of that. So a "hammock" is placed at the bottom of the breast to create a natural looking sag to the breast and a breast crease. All cosmetic just to make them look as close to normal as possible. In my reading I have found that these new fake boobs are called "breast mounds". Fantastic. Because they aren't "not real" enough as it is. When all of this was done my plastic surgeon put in a "purse string" closure and pulled the incision closed much like a drawstring bag would be pulled closed. So, if you followed this you will notice there was no mention of nipples being sewed back on. They weren't and though I hate this part of my reconstruction I like the reason why. My cancer was in the breast ducts and these ducts extend into the nipple. It is possible that little cancer cells could travel through the ducts and into the nipples. My breast surgeon said she would be just sick if she left the nipples and I ended up getting cancer in the future because of little cells that settled in my nipples. So this leads to my second surgery to finish my reconstruction and the last question I asked my doctor at my appointment. "How do you make nipples?" Never in my wildest dreams would I have EVER thought I would be asking somebody this. It is such a weird sight when I look at myself in the mirror, but you know, on the bright side winter in Montana is a great time not to have nipples. LOL Hey, there is a silver lining in everything, people. Sometimes you just have to look long and hard for it! :) So, to answer my question she said she will cut out "tabs" on the tops and sides of a center point that she will determine is the right placement for fake nipples. She then folds the sides in and the top third flap down and "PRESTO"! Nipple! Then where she cut the flaps out for the "grafts" she pulls them closed and sews them up and then frosting on the cake, I will get two new tattoos to give the nipples the right coloring. Seriously, as odd as it all sounds it is also very amazing what doctors can do and a true, true blessing for women that have had a mastectomy and have the need to have their body look "normal" and feminine. Though I don't like that I have totally fake and reconstructed boobs at the same time I am very thankful that I have totally fake and reconstructed boobs. Kudos to my surgeons who are making me physically whole again. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I wanted to make mention of another big difference between a boob job and reconstruction, well the biggest difference is for me. Though many people have thought it i great that I get a free boob job on my insurance or find it exciting for me that I get new boobs. The difference is I didn't want this or ask for this unlike somebody who chooses to have a boob job. Though my procedure yesterday was pretty minimal I told Tony I just feel like my body is continually violated. My plastic surgeon told me very early on that she will make them look as close to real and normal as possible, but I will never love them. I don't think I will. Am I happier with them than I was four weeks ago? Oh, yes. Am I getting used to them? Yes. Do I like them in clothes? Oh, yes. Will I ever love them? I don't think so, though I am open to the possibility that maybe someday I will. I would love to love them someday. Thursday my doctor said she really dislikes reconstruction because of the impact on the patient. She said she loves the artsy/crafty part of it, but not the process for the patient. She said breast cancer is just so hard because it is all a waiting game with a constant stream of bad news. Then, after surgery any setback is like a punch in the stomach, just one more bit of bad news. Fortunately, I haven't had any setbacks post-surgery and am most thankful for that. I have had a hard time with being asked "How are the girls?!", How exciting to have new boobs!!!", or "Oh, they do feel different!" after giving a friend a hug when we just had a conversation about how I really dislike how they feel and I'm always aware of them. I suppose I have a hard time with these comments and questions because I don't like how they feel or I don't like how I came to have this new body. I don't like the process. The process of getting to the other side of everything being done, being okay with my new body and getting back to my "normal" life. I think to me they are a part of cancer. True a better part of the cancer process considering everything. I can't deny that, but still a part of the cancer. I don't see my new boobs as something exciting, but one more thing to move past and a new normal to get used to. I will move past them and get used to my new normal. Unfortunately, my biggest battle with all of this is my very impatient nature. One day at a time my friends, one day at a time. One day at a time is hard when I just want it to be February 2011.
Another thing that will be done during the second surgery are any tweaks that need to be done to achieve symmetry between both breasts and to change implants size if I so choose. It is too early to determine either of these because there is still swelling to go down in the next 4-5 weeks. At that time I will see my doctor again and a plan will be made. If all goes well, this will be my last surgery! :) I will have weight and range of motion restrictions again for six weeks, but after that I can finally get onto fully moving forward in my recovery and getting back to full strength in life and in the gym. So during these six weeks before my next surgery I am going to concentrate on working on the incredible tightness I have in my pec muscles, the "hammock" area under my breasts and in my underarms. Some of it is a bit painful and limits movement in the gym, but I am finally able to go overhead to start working that out. If I get a lot of this worked out now it shouldn't be near as bad after my next six week hiatus.
So I mentioned above that my excitement of having all my restrictions lifted was short lived. Four days after gaining my freedom back and having my incision tightened up I was told no overhead for two more weeks. UGH!!! Are you kidding me?! I just got here and now it is being taken away. Blah. That will be at my nine week point and then I will have surgery three weeks later to be restricted again for six more weeks. My mental state can only take so many lunges, squats and scaled workouts in the gym. I can still jump rope and I was told I could run. I will see how that feels. I think I will wear about four sports bras to eliminate ANY discomfort. Luckily, at home I can still reach up with one arm so I don't have to drag my step stool around to hang up clothes, put dishes away or get food out of the pantry. At least I got three workouts in at the gym before being shut down again AND two of them were benchmarks! I can't for the life of me remember what I did Friday in the gym. I will have to post that workout later. But here is what I did Saturday and Monday. :)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
6 1/2 weeks post surgery
"Jackie"
1000m row
50 Thrusters 45#
30 pull ups
Scaled to:
1000m row (I rowed!!! And rowed well considering it was my first day back on a rower!!!)
50 Thrusters #5 weighted PVC
30 jumping pull ups
Monday, March 21, 2011
Oh, Yeah Baby!!!“The Filthy Fifty”
50 - Box Jumps - 24 “
50 - Jumping Pull Ups
50 - Kettlebell Swings - 35#
50 - Walking Lunges
50 - Knees to Elbows
50 - Push Press - 45#
50 - GHD Hip Extensions
50 - Wall Ball Shots – 20/14
50 - Burpees
50 - Double Unders
For time:
Scaled to:
50 - Box Steps - 18"
50 - Jumping Pull Ups
50 - Kettlebell Swings - 10# Full ROM!!!
50 - Walking Lunges
50 - Standing Knee Raises to Elbow (50 each leg)
50 - Push Press - 15#
50 - GHD Hip Extensions
50 - Wall Ball Shots – 6# (to the 10' target!)
50 - Burpees (land in a plank instead of bottom of pushup)
50 - Double Unders (Yes!!! I did double unders!)
For time:
I was able to do nine of the ten Rx'd movements (not weight)!!!!! I am SO glad I went in and squeezed this workout in before my little procedure yesterday. That was seriously the most fun I have EVER had doing "The Filthy Fifties". Oh, what a great day in the gym.
Stay tuned for a new recipe post. Not an original recipe. I don't think an apple, a handful of nuts and a chunk of cooked up chicken from the fridge counts as an original recipe. This recipe will be much better, one I found online.
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