What were you doing six months ago? I was doing something pretty spectacular. I was becoming cancer free. Actually right at the time that I am typing this I already was thanks to the hands of an amazing surgeon. Today I had my first six month follow up appointment with my oncology surgeon. Until I am five years cancer free I will go into see her for regular checkups. For two years I will see her every six months, for three more years I will see her every 12 months, more frequently if there are any concerns.
My appointments will pretty much consist of a breast exam and to address any concerns that I might have. You might wonder why a breast exam since I had mine removed. Well, it is impossible to remove every single breast cell so the breasts, underarms and the area around the collar bone are examined paying special attention to the outer edges of where the breast tissue was removed. My surgeon told me that I have very healthy skin and that played a large roll the success of my recovery. She said if she has to do surgery on a "30-something" woman, it is nice to have to do it on a healthy one. For some reason I have more scar tissue on my left side, but continuing to work with my physical therapist with help with that. She told me that my plastic surgeon does a very good job and only about 10% of women will have the results I did and she was very happy I was one of them. :-) So am I!! I was also informed I would not have to have regular mammograms anymore. I have been told by other survivors to consider having them on the small chance that cancer reoccurs in the small bit of breast tissue that was left behind. I will research that and discuss it with my doctor at my one-year checkup.
I also brought my $48 mastectomy tank with me and asked if she had a patient that could use it. I have no use for it and it seemed such a shame to just toss it out when there is probably a woman out there without insurance that can use it. Sure enough they have a bank of items available to patients in need. It felt good to leave it for a strong woman that was going to hopefully conquer her own battle. At the end of my appointment my doctor handed me a sheet to keep filed away with my important papers that listed everything I had done, the date of my mastectomy and reconstruction, what my diagnosis was and the date diagnosed, the doctors I had, etc. She said thirty years down the road if the information was needed I would have it all in one place. A very nice piece of paper to have. When she was going through the information I discovered my cancer had been upgraded from Stage 0 to Stage 1 because of the small invasive tumor that was found during my surgery. For some reason this kind of made my stomach sink even though it is of no danger to me anymore. I guess I just liked the sound of Stage 0 better than Stage 1. She also handed me a pamphlet titled, "Now What? Resources for Healthy Survivorship." It is a pamphlet her office had printed up that included general appointment and mammogram schedules, other general post-recovery information and a list of local rehab and support group resources. A very useful list of information, all in one place, in one small packet.
I left my appointment into the warm, sunny day smiling and feeling just flat out happy!!! I expected a clean bill of health, but having your brilliant surgeon tell you is such a different feeling. I also didn't expect to be affected so emotionally by my check up. I had to keep myself from tearing up on the drive home. I walked in the door smiling and told Tony I was given a clean bill of health he smiled and kissed me. That was when I wrapped my arms around him, he wrapped me up in his arms and I cried. Six months cancer free. It is a good place to be. I was never fearful for my life after I was diagnosed, but I was scared on so many occasions, frustrated on just as many occasions and just sad on many other days. Thankfully I think I have felt better more often than not and I am proud of myself for that. I feel one of my biggest battles is to be a more positive person and overall I feel I have faced this time of my life head on with a good attitude. A friend who is having some health concerns right now asked me for some advise. All I could tell her is that you have to take everything moment by moment. I also told myself many times that regardless of news that I received there wasn't anything I could do about it, nothing I could do to change the news. My only option was to move forward and begin my journey to the recovery side. One day at a time is the only way to get to tomorrow.
Last week a friend said, "Six months already?! Though I'm sure it feels much longer to you." Looking back it really seems crazy that six months have passed. However, there were certain stages of that six months that felt like they would never pass. Days felt like weeks and weeks felt like months. On my one month mark of being cancer free a friend said, "Before you know it it will be one year!" I vividly remember getting a sick feeling in my stomach and thinking "I can't even think about one year!" It seriously felt like a lifetime away. Now I think it will be here before I know it. At many points of my recovery all I wanted was for 2011 to come to an end. Not anymore. I'm over the worst of it and now I just get to live free of anything weighing on me. No waiting for tests, surgeries or appointments, no recovery, no limitations or restrictions. Now I just get to move forward and it is a beautiful place to be. I am so thankful for everyday, I look forward to turning 40, 41, 42, etc, I cherish my husband and my family, I recognize the people that matter most to me, I know the value of true friendship and most importantly I recognize the strength and courage that I possess. Recognizing this strength and courage will get you through the worst days of your life. I was watching NY Ink a couple months ago (this won't surprise many of you that know me!) and there was a guy featured on the episode that was getting a tattoo in memory of his mother that had passed away in the past year. After it was finished he said something along the lines of it being a constant reminder of his mother and knowing she was with him all the time and he was just going to go out and live his life having nothing but good days because after losing his mother there could be no bad days because that was the worst day of his life. I have lost my mom, a best friend and I have had cancer. After experiencing those things there aren't anymore bad days. So I am taking my strength and courage, I am waking up everyday and I am having good days. There are no bad days left.
What Cancer Can Not Do
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.
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