{destination home}

Part 2 of my little stay in the hospital.  There wasn't much of anything exciting, but it is part of my journey so I am sharing.

Wednesday, February 3.  In come the nurses for one of the many visits in the middle of the night.  I woke from what felt like hours of sleep thinking "How nice this night is coming to an end."  When I asked the nurse what time it was I was very disappointed to find out it was only 12:30 a.m.  Ugh!  I felt like I had been run over by a truck, my tailbone and sacrum hurt from sitting upright and I still felt sick to my stomach though not near as bad as before.  I was given more drugs for the pain and all my vitals were taken.  I am assuming "vitals" include blood pressure, temperature, oxygen levels (I think that was what the thing on my finger measured) and my pulse.  Once all that was done I was left to sink back into my sleepy, drugged stupor.  But, when you spend the night in the hospital that sleep doesn't last long because it seems that just as you fall back to sleep here comes the nurse again.  I don't want to complain too much because it seems like they came with more pain meds quite often, but I was so tired.  When they rolled in at 3:00 a.m.  they had me eat my little cup of warm green jello and some crackers so I could take some painkillers.  I had no idea if that would all stay down, but it did and it felt good to have a little something in my stomach.  I guess I had enough sleep because I couldn't fall back asleep and laid there fairly wide awake until about 4:30 when I finally drifted off.  Ahhh, sweet sleep UNTIL 6:00 when the nurse came in to get me up to walk!  Are you serious?  It is still dark out!  So I sat up and sat on the edge of my bed for what seemed like forever because I was so dizzy and light headed.  I was finally able to stand up and we took a nice slow walk down the hall and back with a brief stop at the nurse's station to order breakfast.  Very light as I was afraid of how my stomach would feel with food in it.  Scrambled eggs and fruit.  Happy to say it didn't make me sick, but I still didn't feel ready for a huge, complicated meal.  Simple is safe.

Shortly after I returned to my room and was left "comfortable" in a chair for a change of scenery my doctor arrived to check on me.    They unsnapped my gown and proceeded to unzip my tight sportsbra type bra to check out her handy work.  She was pleased with how they looked and my incision sites looked great.  Not a single dressing required.  It was crazy.  I was surprised at how few incisions I had for my major surgery.  I had two drains (which totally grossed me out) each with one itty, bitty incision, a 1 1/2 inch incision where they removed four lymph nodes and then my incisions on the front of each breast that were now two small cinched up spots where I once had nipples.  I know, sorry for the "too much info", but really there is no modesty left after this whole process.  It's breast cancer, breast stuff is going to come up.  In fact, I have decided at some point I am going to describe in kind of tasteful detail how breast reconstruction isn't like getting a boob job.  So, you have been warned.  It's coming.  I have been very open and very frank about this whole process.  I don't expect I will stop now. 

Sorry, I digress...when my doctor was done checking me out they had to pull my tight sports bra back on and zip it up the front.  Oh, my goodness!  That hurt so damn bad.  I just about came out of my skin.  Imagine traumatized, terribly inflamed, swollen, pain like you have never imagined Dolly Parton boobs shoved into a bra three sizes too small.  I repeat, pain like you have never imagined.  When they left I decided I needed to get back in bed.  Not an easy feat.  Every movement jarred my chest and I couldn't use my arms to pull myself back into bed.  I had to sit back as far as I could to the elevated end of the bed and do a crazy, little, slow butt shimmy that seemed to take forever and hurt with every shimmy.  But, I made it into bed and was so happy to be able to lay back in bed after my painful experience of getting my boobs tucked back away and trying to get back in bed.  I was totally exhausted and just laid back to rest.  It was as close to peaceful and comfortable as one could get after a major surgery.

The one thing that I couldn't believe hearing all morning was "When you go home today...."  What?!  I feel horrible, how can I possibly go home today?  I just had a bunch of tissue cut out, my pec muscles separated from the chest wall and 350 cc implants shoved under them.  I felt like I had been hit by a truck and then backed over and hit again.  How on God's green earth was I going to go home today?  I tried not to think about it and prayed they would see that I was a mess and couldn't possibly go home.  When my aunt came into see me she told me that I would be surprised at how much better I felt by late afternoon.  Okay, I'm open to just sitting and waiting.  If I didn't feel comfortable going home I was going to push to stay.  I had a few more visitors during the day the best being my kiddos.  I was in a much more pleasant state for company and they were excited to see me.  I looked at all the great cards their classes made for me and was able to lean forward just enough to give them kisses.  One of A's classmates wrote, "I'm sorry this happened to you.  You are probably a good person."  Hahahahaha!  It was awesome.  Kids say the greatest things.

So late afternoon rolls around and here comes the nurse with my discharge papers ready to kick me to the curb.  When it is time to go, it is time to go!  And you know what?  I felt ready to go home.  I honestly didn't think I would.  A friend encouraged me to get out of the hospital ASAP to get away from the disease and infection that is in a hospital and that made sense.  The bed was so uncomfortable, I missed being with my family all the time and I didn't want to spend another night being woke up every couple of hours.  So around 4:00 in the afternoon I left the hospital and I was happy to.   Less than 24 hours in my hospital room.  Just crazy.  The girls were waiting at home for us and were so excited to see me.  T spent the day with one of our friends and would be home later.  I got the best greeting from him when he got home. 

It was a good day.  It was good to be home.