{the grass IS greener}

Oh, my goodness.  Cancer-free is an AMAZING place to be.  The grass doesn't always end up being greener on the other side, but in this case it is a lush, fresh, gorgeous, beautiful shade of green!  It's my new favorite color!  This post is going to be the first of several starting at surgery and getting caught up to the present.   I think it will take me a little while to get these posts done because I tire pretty quickly and looking at the computer for too long makes me a little nauseous and dizzy.  But, I just want to start this by saying that I am so pleasantly surprised at how good I feel.  I never guessed that I would feel this good 48 hours after having MAJOR surgery.  (I started putting this post together on the 4th.) I think just being on this side of surgery and having this huge weight lifted plays a major role in how I feel.  I just feel so good and that makes me so happy.

Tuesday, February 1.  The night before surgery.  We spent the evening getting ready for our day.  Confirming kids care for the next day and packing a small bag.  I was only going to be there overnight so I didn't have to gather much.  The best part about Tuesday night was my sister, Jarali, arriving.  She stayed the night with us and planned to go to the hospital with us and keep Tony company during my surgery.

Tuesday, February 2. We got up and got ready for our day like almost every other day.  Except today wasn't like any other day, not even close.  We got the kids off to school, Tony got a few things done before we had to head to the hospital and I typed out a short blog post.  As time was drawing very close for us to head to the hospital he came and sat on the edge of our bed.  I knelt in front of him, wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head in his lap. He rubbed my back while we just sat there.  Pretty soon he said, "Should we go?" and I broke down crying.  We gathered up my stuff and we headed off to the hospital with Jarali right behind us.  Tony dropped me off while he looked for a parking spot.  Parking is ridiculous at our hospital so if you ever have to be up there for something plan accordingly to drive around forever looking for a spot and then plan on a nice little walk.  So I got registered and was led back to prep me for surgery.  I got my beautiful hospital gown and robe and then had an IV hooked up.  Shortly after this our family friend, Sandy, showed up to sit with us.  It was so nice to see her and visiting was a nice distraction.  Pretty soon my aunt, who is the managing OR nurse at the hospital, came in to see me and make sure I was being well taken care of.  She was amazing during this whole process. She gave great recommendations, gathered information and personally put together my OR team and assigned my anesthesiologist.  I was confident I was in good hands.  About 45 minutes before surgery was about to start my massage arrived.  Our hospital offers a shoulder or foot massage before surgery to help you relax.  I almost turned this down when I was filling out paperwork because I was thinking I might just want to be left alone.  But, then I remembered that my cousin does the massages at the hospital. Sign me up!  I opted for a foot massage and it really was relaxing.  I got my massage (I think maybe a little longer than normal!), visited with family and just waited until it was time.  I was very happy that I ended up not taking a Valium to help me relax.  I had planned to, but then I decided I really didn't want to because I didn't want to feel loopy for any of my time with Tony before I was taken into the OR.  All too soon, it was time.  Everybody gave me a hug and I held onto Tony extra long and got some extra kisses and then my bed was wheeled into the OR.  At this point I only had about four minutes of memory before slipping away into a deep sleep.  I was moved onto the operating table, a pillow was placed under my knees, a nurse introduced herself (a long time friend of my aunt's) and then the anesthesiologist said he was going to give me something to relax.  That was all she wrote.  The next thing I know I am in my hospital room.

Wednesday night was a sickly, icky blur.  I was terribly sick from the anesthesia and I could hardly keep my eyes open.  When my eyes were open I wanted to throw up.  The nurses went through the entire pharmacy of anti-nausea drugs trying to calm it down.  I don't know if any of them worked or not.  I really can't remember.  A couple of the first things I remember are my right palm hurting something fierce (weird I know) and asking my aunt to rub it and oxygen tubes being put in my nose.  I vaguely remember friends coming and going.  I asked Tony if I was totally out of it when they came and he said, "No, you were very gracious and thanked all of them for stopping."  I hope he isn't lying because I hate that I wasn't coherent enough to enjoy these visits and I /we greatly appreciate all of the love and support and thank you SO much for stopping by to see me. :-)   One of our friends from the gym stopped by my room at the end of her shift as a nurse.  Tony was very happy to show up back in my room and find somebody sitting with me.  

Tony wanted to spend every minute with me, but our kids were at home waiting.  Waiting to know that mom was all right.  After I was set up in my room Tony headed home to prepare to bring the kids up to the hospital to see me.  He considered not bringing them up because I was in really bad shape.    Like I said, I don't remember much the entire night after surgery.  I just remember being miserable and my poor babies seeing me like that.  Tony weighed all of this, but he knew the kids were going to be traumatized if he went home and said they couldn't go see me.  They had to see that mom was "okay".  I remember them showing up and they were so excited to show me the cards their classes had made me.  I remember holding each of their hands and seeing each of them, but then I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.  Tony said he left the hospital with three weepy, sad babies.  They came home and they all cuddled up on our bed.  Our neighbor girl came over a little later to sit with the kids for a couple of hours so Tony could come back up and sit with me.  When she walked in the door all three kids broke down crying and wrapped her up in a big group hug.  That night all three of them slept in our room with Tony. :-(  My poor babies.  But, to let you all know, just like this surgery was a huge relief to Tony and me it is as much of a relief to my kids.  They aren't worried anymore and they all seem themselves.  It is a wonderful thing.

Tony came back up to sit with me for a couple of hours, though I hardly remember any of it.  I finally got sick around 10:00 pm and slowly started to feel a little better.  Tony said as soon as I threw up the color returned to my face and I rested easier.  He left around 10:30 to relieve our sitter and try to get some sleep before getting the kids ready to come back up in the morning. 

So, there you have it.  Day one of the rest of my life.  Day one cancer free!!!!